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Gridiron Heights, Season 2, Ep. 1: 28-3 Jokes for Life


We are cleared for landing in Gridiron Heights Welcome back to football, everyone You like that? YOU LIKE THAT?!!! We remind you this is a non-smoking league Doing great, Ice Man Just got to land this bad boy like we’ve practiced
a thousand times before No problem, Coach Can you give me a read on the approach vectors? Looks like we’re turning from 28 degrees west Uh, heading towards 3 degrees That’s 28 to 3 What’s that? 28 to 3 And perfect conditions There’s no way you could screw this landing up Yeah, totally Uh Ice? You all right? Matty! Matty! Matty Ice! Ice Man! You good?! OH GOD. He’s chooooooking!!! He’s chooooking! My ankle! Ow, my shoulder! No one’s fault, no one’s fault, tho Is there a quarterback who can land this plane? Oh, no, sorry. Like a real quarterback Sounds like a job for… Smokin’ Jay Out of my way scrub I got this Um, let’s see Ow, hurt my thumb; I’m done, I give up

How to make NBA Basketball Board Game using Cardboard


This is an interesting basketball game for kids And you can make this mini arcade game at home Mark as shown The playing arena is ready Make arrangement for ball collection Make ball shooting mechanism Make basket from paper cup Place the baskets in the arena Have fun with DIY Ocean’s NBA Basketball Arcade Game!!

“Game Of Zones: The Lottery” ALTERNATE Endings (S6E6)


Well, on that note… why don’t we go ahead and see who got the first pick? And the winner of the Zion lottery is… House Cavs! Oh, yes! F–k you, Lebron! And the winner of the Zion lottery is… House Suns! Oh, YEAH! And the winner of the Zion lottery is… House Knicks! -Oh, yeah!
-I’m going to sell this house for so much gold! And the winner of the Zion lottery is… House Bulls! OH, YES! So many cool dunks! And the winner of the Zion lottery is… House Hawks! Aw, yeah! Skrt skrt! House Mavericks! YES! QUADRUPLE DIRKS! House Wizards! OH, YES! Let’s sign that supermax, Ern—whoever! House Hornets! YES! House Grizzlies! Well, that’s nice! And the winner of the Zion lottery is… Oh, my god… House Lakers! House Heat! Oh, yeah! House Timberwolves! Oh…cool cool. That’s nice. And the winner of the Zion lottery is… Oh, boy House Kings! -Which means their pick goes to the Sixers…
-No. No. No. Oh, f–k. Are you f–king kidding me?

Golden State Warriors vs Boston Celtics Full Game Highlights / Week 5 / 2017 NBA Season


…Sixteenth day of November the NBA of TNT presented by State Farm. The defend… …the game. One of us will gain a road trip to rank 3. Durant, Green, Pachulia Thompson… Good Here we go. …Thompson tried to save it there… Draymond bringing up top… Beautifully done as Kevin Durant, center– Horford and Morris to start the lineup? Draymond bringing up top… Beautifully done as Kevin Durant, center– How long will Pachulia play in this first quarter with Boston having both Horford and Morris to start the lineup? He has not been playing … Took it out of the hands of brown Surprising for both players green and brown on that end missing little chapter eight is enough Yeah, right, but the off before the shot clock expired Those play Thompson who has been shooting incredibly ballsy knocked out of Ferb’s Horford gets an Instruction lesson on buffet Pachulia keeps it Miracle class tops today for the cut to beat his man Shot clock is down a to Horford look come on one hander and again on the moves like that much, but to make it for himself And why wouldn’t you as hot as he’s shooting? Right down the middle Trying to deal with some of the movement from Golden State and Zaza cashes in Baris with an ocean and a fire suppose Curly switch my crown she the Winship I came up with the steal The three not that time Here comes the rent wild into it plate hurry so the Warriors Switch by Nick Young shoot Somebody Draymond Green is on it Final by the first building red yes free to pick you up Davis western just check these balls with that pound Eight of us back Here price war is it ends up with West? Download from last season so 11 new players Nuts up shorty thought he was powered Madonna gets you down at cleaners I Export a bunch of smart asking for the push off and dream on I hear in the same. What a spark Artemis Fowl reads two-thirds Thompson Like this they they’re not cohesive flow defensively that I haven’t seen in Boston They’re definitely the team to beat knees Come playoff time to seat this team barring injury and knows what’s gonna happen here with dirty bag comes equipped column once again able to put on Curry wants to try to put it off the floor. They are too well The Sufis Barbican that changeup a shuck walk by clean Ha nice touch Great defense Crashdown klay Thompson great timing on that block, and it looks like a lot of armed foot bride burgers touch to get picked off And in the NBA Just like in your rec league the ball has to pass all the way through the net so it’s an offensive goaltending Arc is smart so the Celtics lose the field goal Ball spin frankly it’s like buying competitors Second quarter about 15 to 1 1. This is peculiar knocking it down Tough little midriff they can respond here in the 3rd dimension Golden State really locks in at this place There is Thompson able to drill it. Yes, Marcus smart the Warriors break it up Durant fires from deep Freeze When Morrises he was chased down you can see the left hand pushed the dream on felt Tonight even as Katie tried to block his shot. Just earlier Our cost to the front coordinates Three for three yes Fremont 3/4 fascination of the two bitmaps Bush was at bay Ranchos and hopefully to the cross. Oh yes, Kady Then look at the Warriors defensive bucket nice – giggles Let’s go quick for photos. Yeah gets a little skewed in the fourth quarter is a huge Jacob depending on here Just check it throw it away fall short on the car Days end of the quarter the Tatum’s All over collie Can speak to that place just beyond the tribes hips and that is tough cat speeds with cities in this game artist David West on a path his way on bars And he does last touch some heaters are tough to find some offensive. Nobody’s really in the rhythm decides Jalen’s last Stronghold by Iguodala three urban night on the floor as was Alfred lost the town For a Bronx Hurry off the wolf out spaz nicely done by draymond Green over the side of the ranch got to it, there’s no ramp But the phase yes but they Kept jaylen proud old times cap speed with great hands on the defensive end for all the stays and draymond Green Stamps up early Here’s curry for three Played by three Shot clocks to walk For the truck For Horford Yes Without a few minutes 47 seconds remaining Curry with the steal three are too much toxic yes Like we’re putting the moves on goes to Z Thompson tried to save… …that was back in their 2008 Championship Season. Horford! He is now 17 for… How long will Pachulia play in this first quarter with Boston having both He has not been playing …

We destroyed the NBA’s future with a video game | Fumble Dimension Episode 1


– [Jon] The year is 2058. This is what the NBA looks like now. This is what basketball looks like in an age when the entire
world has forgotten how to play basketball. All our heroes are gone. This is the result of an experiment that, well that’s not the word, it’s not exactly an experiment because experiments have a point. This is a vacation to hell. – [Kofie] How did we get here? What happened to the NBA
that we know and love? Why does the future of
basketball look so bleak? – [Jon] Well we did something bad. We killed basketball. This show is a journey into a realm where sports are distorted beyond reason. Impossible ideas are tested, and artificial intelligences
are forced to reckon with a world that no
longer makes any sense. – Welcome to the Fumble Dimension. – I’m Jon Bois. – I’m not. (inspirational keyboard music) – [Jon] This story begins with
a man named Stupid Crap Face. Stupid Crap Face is a
custom created player in the video game NBA 2K19 whose name I took several
seconds to come up with. Once I did, I immediately got to work on making him as bad at basketball as I possibly could. He’s stands five 5’4″;
he weight 145 pounds. Nothing wrong with that, unless
you’re a basketball player. Now it’s true that Muggsy
Bogues had a great career despite standing 5’3″. But Muggsy Bogues was good at stuff; Stupid Crap Face is not. 2K19 offers dozens of
adjustable player attributes, I yanked every single
one of them down to 25; the lowest possible setting. He will be terrible at
everything you can imagine from post hooks to free throws, to reaction time to strength and stamina. Not only that, but he’ll
have next to no understanding of how to play basketball. I don’t even know what some of these mean. What’s miscellaneous durability? What are intangibles? I don’t know, but he doesn’t have them. We’re gonna fire up NBA
2K19’s association mode; in other words a franchise mode that allows us to simulate not only an entire NBA season, but decades and decades of NBA basketball. This includes every single
off season’s NBA draft. And by setting Stupid Crap
Face as a draftable player, we can introduce him into the league. So what figures to happen next? Well he probably just won’t get drafted. The NBA will go on as usual and that will be that. So in order to see what
exactly Stupid Crap Face’s brand of basketball looks like, we have to take greater measures. Every draft class is made up
one 150 potential players. And we have made every single one a clone of Stupid Crap Face. NBA teams will have to
draft players just like him, they won’t have any other choice. – [Kofie] The process of
cloning Stupid Crap Face is actually easier now compared
to earlier versions of 2K. There was a feature called player DNA and we were able to copy attributes from one player to another. And that’s what we did. – This technology was
trying to stop us, right? – Yeah. We had to use multiple consoles. – Right, and at first I
had to get a hard copy to put on this XBOX because it wouldn’t work on that one. Neither one would read it. So we had to get a digital copy then your capture card wouldn’t work. – Capture card would
not work for this one, thankfully it does work
for the older version of the XBOX One. – The lesson here, and
this is very important, it’s gonna be a recurring theme is that machines are alive and
they’re trying to kill us. – Thanks Microsoft. – [Jon] Now, although these 150 prospects present the exact same
size and basketball skills as Stupid Crap Face,
they have different names and appearances. If the computer generated
names are any indication, we’ve already stumbled
into one of NBA 2K’s boarded up, forgotten rooms. You have to simulate 2K’s franchise mode for many, many years before
computer generated draftees start to even matter. Since very few owners of
this game even play this way, almost nobody notices
that a lot of these names are from the 1960s. We’re supposed to believe that there are guys in
their early 20s named Garry. Two guys named Allan, two Carls, Earnest, Stan, Ted, Louie, Marty, Skip. I don’t think they’ve
updated this game mode since NBA 2K-35. Fun game, although there
was no My Career Mode and it took 20 minutes
to shoot a free throw. Nonetheless, the draft class is built and ready to inhabit the NBA. But even still, it’s only
one bad draft, right? The real life NBA’s been
through this before. To this day, the 2000 draft class is notorious for how badly
its picks turned out. Here’s every single player drafter in 2000 as well as in the
decades before and after. We see them plotted here
by career win shares. Every year we saw several rookies come to the league who would become stars if not superstars; but not 2000. Hedo Turkoglu was the best they could do. And while he and a few others went on to have respectable careers, the majority didn’t do much of anything. Did the NBA suffer long-term? No, because boat loads of
talent were on the way. If the league could survive this, it could probably survive
one of our draft classes. So, we’re gonna solve this problem too. We’ll feed the NBA the
exact same draft class year after year, decade after decade. The real life NBA players will be welcome to hang around for as long as they can but age catches up to everyone. And they’ll only be able
to hold out for so long. And when that day comes,
the NBA will be made up entirely of the worst players imaginable. Long time readers may
remember that I attempted this once before, but it was a written feature, and in such a format, I
was limited to a handful of GIFs and basic charts, it was also a solo project and I just didn’t have
the time to properly record and research this project. But now, it’s different. Now I work with Kofie,
producer at SB Nation Labs and expert video game record. We have all the time we need. With this time, we will track 535 real life NBA players,
the heroes, the villains, the rookies, the bench-riding hangers-on and watch how long each
one of them can survive in this god-forsaken world. – [Kofie] So now, let’s begin. The first year is pretty normal, since no one from our 40 overall army had entered the league yet. But that was about to change. Lurking and waiting in the green room and beyond is a battalion of the worst basketball players we’ve
ever seen in a video game. There was only one problem. Damn near everybody in the
class had an eye injury, this could go down to a couple of things. One, Jon gave the creative
player we copied over and over both food poisoning and a bloody nose. – I don’t know why I did that, it was just funny. I also see written down one of the options for injury was personal reasons. – That’s my personal favorite. I’m gonna leave for 480
days, personal reasons. – Kofie, what does that mean? What does personal reasons mean? – I don’t know. You got to find yourself? (Jon laughing) Soul searching? That’s what personal reasons means to me. I’m gonna take a week, personal reasons. I go find a vacation spot and you find yourself; then come back to play basketball. – They carry you off the court on a gurney like, “sir he doesn’t have a soul, “he had to go find his soul.” – He doesn’t know who he is anymore. – (laughing) He doesn’t know
what he’s done with his life. Get an ER room state. (Kofie laughing) – The second reason, which I
think is the more logical one is the fact that everyone’s durability is set to the lowest point possible. But that doesn’t explain
why every single one has an eye injury. 2K is trying their best to scare everyone into not drafting our 40 overall army. But the joke is that they’re
the only ones available to be drafted. Oh look, the Mavericks
have the first pick. That’s unfortunate. (mysterious music) Now I didn’t think we’d see any action from these players for a long time but then I remembered
that there is an option to participate in Summer League play. Do we watch this? – Yeah. – Yeah, we’re gonna watch this. (Jon chuckling) (slow dramatic music) These short players try their best but they’re a mismatch on
both offense or defense. It’s tough to adjust when your best skill is having no skill whatsoever. Producing nothing, contributing nothing; just being an insignificant spec on a court filled with
borderline NBA talent. And Marvin Bagley. However, the a hundred tendencies are kicking in well. Terrible shot decisions, you name it. This is the future of basketball
in the Fumble Dimension. It’s season two, one of our 40 overalls has infiltrated the Warriors roster. D.J. Gatling actually
got some playing time thanks to injuries. He only averaged one minute per game, but that’s something for now. I see this as an absolute win. Despite little unimportant
minutes like this, not much is special for this season. But there is something weird. Let’s take a look at Kurt Ryan. Ryan is one of our esteemed 40 overalls who made the all-rookie first team. However, there’s one thing we left out, he didn’t play a game. In fact, when we looked, Ryan had a season-ending spinal injury. Now we had other rookies make the list, but they the marginal class. They came from players
that were originally in the G league or on two-way contracts living out their NBA dreams at last. NBA 2K is already doing whatever it can to keep our 40 overalls from
living their best NBA lives. In terms of retired players,
Vince Carter and Jamal Crawford lead the way. But they’re also joined
by many 40 overall players that are already retiring, which fair. – [Jon] But one retirement troubles us. Amongst all these aging
stars and role players we see Kevon Looney who officially retired from the NBA in his age 24 season. No reason for this
retirement is specified. Unfortunately we don’t know
exactly what Looney’s stats looked like, we didn’t
start tracking stats until season three because
frankly we didn’t expect to see anything interesting before then. What we can tell you is
that in his most recent real life season, he was
estimated at six win shares. If his final season was
anything like that one, we really have a mystery on our hands. This is every NBA player
whose career ended at age 24 sorted by their win shares
and their final season. Just suppose Looney finished with six, almost none of these final
seasons are anything like his. The three that were came from Max Morris who left to play in the NFL, Maurice Stokes whose career
was tragically cut short by injury, and Alex Groza who was
permanently banned from the NBA for point shaving. I’ve played many versions of NBA 2K, I’ve never seen a young star
player spontaneously retire like this for no apparent reason. Perhaps he’s seen what’s coming, and he wants no part of it. – [Kofie] Now usually
after a season or two the players start regress or progress. Our 40 overalls aren’t doing either. This is progression purgatory. No one improves, no one declines. Their potential is so low that they refuse to grow
as basketball players, and probably as people too. (slow mysterious music) Season three: despite the rookie class and Summer League rosters running rampant with awful players, it seems like the regular season players haven’t been affected yet. Some players get minutes due to injuries while others just ride the bench. Look at this little guy with Trevor Ariza and who I think is Tyler Zeller. They’re having a grand old time. – [Jon] But a few garbage
minutes here and there are hardly enough to ruin the league. We’re gonna use what we think
is a more effective measure. Does the player see enough
minutes for the game to assign him a PER? See, PER stands for
Player Efficiency Rating. It’s not a perfect metric, but it’s a reliable
indicator of a player’s overall value on the court. A perfectly average PER is exactly 15, higher is better, lower is worse. For each of our annual reports, I’ll be charting the five best and the five worst in the league. This season the top five, led by Giannis were in the high 20s while the worst languished
in the single digits. Anyway, the game won’t
assign a PER to a player unless he’s played a
solid number of minutes. Seemingly around 12 to 15 minutes a game. If one of our nightmare doofus players is seeing that kind of playing time, we know that trouble is beginning. But it isn’t yet, of all 264 players to qualify for a PER, all of them are real life skill players. Same story in 2021/22, season
four of our experiment. We see some retirements that
are notable and predictable; Iggy, Melo, Marc Gasol. Others are more surprising: Enes Kanter leaves at 31 and Jahlil Okafor hangs ’em
up at just 27 years old. Still the NBA’s vitals are pretty steady. Giannis is dominating the
league with a PER north of 31 and our 40 overall players
still aren’t seeing significant minutes. All is well, for now. (mysterious music) – [Kofie] At the ripe
old age of 38 years old Lebron James retires from the league as a 95 overall player. which is wild when you think about how 2K treats time
decay for other players. Now that Lebron is gone,
who will rule the league? (intense music) As players like Chris Paul and Mike Conley are retiring from the league, this leaves the door open for many players that wouldn’t be in the
NBA to get their shot. Since NBA 2K cherishes its
players by overall rating, the best overalls have the highest chance to stay in the league, which for us is unfortunate. Giannis still reigns supreme; he’s won his fourth MVP
in the last six seasons. – [Jon] I’ll be honest, I’m frustrated. What we’re seeing is the exact opposite of what we’re trying to accomplish. The best players in the league are not only dominant, they’re huge. In this era, the PER leaders are usually the same five guys; the 6’11” Giannis, 7’1″ DeAndre Ayton, seven-foot Nicola Jokić,
seven-foot Karl-Anthony Towns, and 6’10” Anthony Davis. These are the heights of
every top five PER player in the 21st century. For decades there was always
room for the non-Goliaths. Kobe, Westbrook, Chris
Paul, Steph; no more. The NBA’s elite are now exclusively around seven feet tall, and they have been for years. One day, all the players
on this chart will be 5’4″. The only question is when. We’re already seeing the warning
signs in the Summer League where teams are now completely infiltrated with 40 overall dumb-dumbs. They’re lurking. – [Kofie] Meanwhile, we have a player on the
All-Rookie first team that isn’t even technically on the team. Yes, this guy has a contract
with an overseas team and is ineligible to sign
a contract for a year. And still made first team All-Rookie. A player with one year left
on their Eurostash contract made first team All-Rookie. Around season six, I noticed
that the rising stars challenge disappears after I save it. For whatever reason it seems that 2K is doing everything in its power to prevent our 40 overalls
from being in the spotlight which fair. – Okay, let’s wait for just a minute here. I have to ask for some clarification here. So to back up, the rising stars challenge, correct me if I’m wrong here, is a real life All-Star game festivity where young players are
given their opportunity to show off on the court, right? Yeah, so this also
happened in the video game and then 2K, a few
seasons in, just stops it? – So, right now in this league there are not enough
international 40 overalls to field a team so they just get rid of
the rising stars challenge. ‘Cause it comes back
later on the simulation. – Okay.
– There just aren’t enough 40 overalls from international places to field a roster, so the game is just like, you know what? Let’s just not do this. – That’s wild, so the game actually proactively made the
decision of going like, nah. And just not doing it and
hoping nobody would notice? How did the game know to do that? – I don’t know, that’s scary. – So I have this niche theory that I know isn’t very
popular, but this supports it. Every computer is filled with tiny men. (Kofie snickering) It gets worse, 10 years into our journey, something terrible has happened. We can’t gather PER statistics. – [Kofie] And that’s on me,
the XBOX starts crashing whenever I try to look at the PER, it’s like the game is so
ashamed of the statistics that they don’t wanna show us at all. Now it took over a decade,
but we finally have a player on our squad with consistent minutes. Lets see how this guy contributes. Meet Lance Warner, 5’4″, 140 pounds; we don’t know what happened
to the other 40 overalls that were on our team
before, probably retired. Thanks to more injuries,
more of our players start seeping into the lineup. The Golden State Warriors,
once a perennial championship contender a decade ago now have to resort to hoping this man can do
anything against Julius Randle. He can’t. By the way, DeAndre Ayton has won his third straight MVP award and I don’t know how to
feel about this, guys. The Warriors team we’ve
been keeping a close eye on has to start a 58 overall shooting guard because all the 40 overall
players are centers. Curry, Hardon, and Cousins are gone. And now the NBA is damn
near unrecognizable. There are only three free
agents in the 70 overall range. And the rest are all 40 overalls. – [Jon] But even now, the
NBA is still able to keep a straight face. In season 12 our ability
to pull up PER stats has magically returned. The good news for the NBA is that it still hasn’t had to
play one of our doofus players for a significant number of minutes. We know this because the
players to receive a PER are still all real life players. The more worrying news for
the NBA, only 153 players have a PER. This is down nearly 100
from just 3 years ago. What exactly happened
during those two years of missing data? Nothing good that’s for sure. With fewer players receiving big minutes, this seems to suggest
that teams are frantically shoving out slap dash rotations of guys who in any normal world would never see the court at all. Consider Jae Crowder
who in your 2019 reality is a 28 year-old with mediocre numbers. Here, he’s still playing
meaningful minutes at age 40. In fact, nearly every NBA
minute goes to players well into their 30s. This cannot sustain itself. Eventually these players
will have to retire. And there will be nobody left to play but our 5’4″ chuckle heads. There’s nothing NBA 2K can do about it. Or so it seemed. – [Kofie] The Warriors now
have a 40 overall as a six man. Guys, this shit is about to go nuclear. Or at least I thought, and then I discovered something
that I didn’t want to. Meet Vin Glover, he just came and joined
the Golden State Warriors and has a 56 overall. He also doesn’t exist. Where did he come from? After checking to see that the draft class
hadn’t been compromised and that there wasn’t an error, that could only mean one thing: NBA 2K was manufacturing
players to compensate for the fact that we
made them all centers. This is gonna put a 20+
year wrench in our plans. I never noticed this
because we were at the point where you couldn’t tell
which basketball player was real or fake. Some real basketball players in the game didn’t have real photos. We got to a place where the real and fake blended together, and
I was none the wiser. – That’s my fault, it’s my fault. I made Stupid Crap Face a center and I copied his player
DNA all the way down to his position. We should have diversified,
I didn’t think about it. And that’s on me, I’m sorry. – That’s also on me, I didn’t notice in the way of all of the made up names, not noticing any more made up names. – Same. – It was weird ’cause I
was like, “Vin Glover” and I searched it on Google and then pictures of
Donald Glover showed up and I was like, “He
doesn’t play basketball.” So, this is unfortunate. – Gotta hand it to you
buddy, gave us the slip. – Thanks Microsoft. In addition to adding
players that didn’t exist, 2K made it hard to scroll
down and see the PER ratings so some of the data is incomplete. The console kept crashing. 2K, what do you have to hide? Season 15 helped us to confirm that NBA 2K is making up undrafted players
better than our draft class. We’re not too worried about this right now because we have our first 40
overall in the starting lineup. I also discovered that there
is a New Season Fill Roster option that will
automatically sign players to fill the roster to the
NBA minimum or whatever. I’m going to try to see if I
can sign some of these players. Jon thinks that these players are so bad that the NBA teams refuse to sign them. So NBA 2K makes up
players to fill the void. Lets put this to the test. At the end of the season, there’s a prompt for me to fill out the rest
of the rosters with players. I have 12 spaces to fill. I tried to sign these
players multiple times because I can’t sign anyone. They wouldn’t take my offers. Not even the 40 overalls
wanna play basketball. What on earth have we done? In season 16, to combat the
2K made up players issue, I decided to balance out the positions among the draft class. We thought that they would
just autofill to every roster because they would just be by themselves, but no, 2K just had to
be smart or whatever. Everything is a mess. All-Star rosters that we’ve
never heard of before, the Golden State Warriors when 0 and 82. Karl-Anthony Towns is the reigning MVP but he’s on the Bulls now. The 76ers won the world championship, Giannis retires. Karl-Anthony Towns retires too, even though he just won MVP. Because even when you’re old as hell, you’re still better
than the other options. Welcome to 2034. – [Jon] 2K had gone rogue. Inventing its own players to draft instead of choosing our 5’4″ creations. By the time we realized what it had done, the game-generated players
were dominating the league, with nearly 200 of them
seeing enough playing time to be PER eligible. Thankfully Kofie managed to shut it down by tweaking the draft class to include all positions,
not just centers, thereby taking away
2K’s case for making up players of its own. But, our project was contaminated. The NBA was now full of
young, decent players, and we had no choice but
to wait for them to retire. This was not even close to done. – [Kofie] It’s season 18, it seems like changing
the positions helped stop the 2K-created player influx, because now the Warriors
only have one non-40 overall on the roster. I decided to have a little scrimmage just to see how good the
60 overall player looks compared to the rest of
the people on the team. Even that difference was remarkable. – [Jon] It’s 2037, look at
the players who have retired: Lonzo Ball, Trae Young, even DeAndre Ayton who became the latest player to retire immediately after winning MVP. It’s unfortunate that NBA 2K19 forces retirement around age 40 because even with diminished abilities Ayton probably could wipe
the floor with this league at 60 years of age. It’s impossible to imagine
these guys as old men, but that is who they are. Only two real life NBA players remain, Colin Sexton, and Luka Dončić. (slow synth music) – [Kofie] At last, we have
a team of all 40 overalls so we tried a game against a team that didn’t start any of them. We’ll get to why this
isn’t balanced later. (slow synth music) Even with the 20 overall difference, it’s clear that the skill
gap is still overwhelming. Players that couldn’t sniff the court in yesterday’s NBA, are routing teams in
front of sold out crowds. It took two quarters for
our Golden State Warriors to score a point. This was without a doubt,
the saddest professional sporting outcome I’d ever seen. Wanna see the Warriors only basket? This doesn’t even look
like a basketball play, this is mercy, this is
humiliation at its finest. This also marks the first season where the MVP isn’t an actual real player. The MVP of the week was a 66 overall. For context, that’s
the same overall rating as Kyle Collinsworth in today’s NBA. – [Jon] I wondered when
this day would come. It’s the 2037/38 season. Season number 20 of our adventure. Sexton and Dončić have retired. Our final relics of the
real world are gone. We have finally entered
the fumble dimension. But, since the 2K created players remain, there’s more work to be done. – [Kofie] This is where it
gets really interesting. Because there are teams with
a lot of 70 overall players and teams with only 40 overall players. And it’s almost directly correlated with the team names, alphabetically. After a couple of seasons,
this was proven in season 22 when all the top players
just go to the 76ers. All the time. – I’m gonna stop you again, ’cause I wanna clarify this. So 2K just gives teams first
crack at the best players just based on alphabetical order? – So, at this point in time, no one signs in free agency; so all these free agents are listed as overall rating, they’re sorted by that. So what happens when
2K doesn’t sign anyone, they just take the top 12 overall players and give them to the Sixers,
the next one goes to the Bucks, – [Both] And then the Bulls. – Clippers. – Yeah and we’ve been watching
the Warriors all this time. – That’s last in the alphabet, wow. That is a really lazy solution. The tiny men in the computer
are getting very tired. (both laughing) – [Kofie] It takes a long
time for the Warriors to even be competent. The years of Steph, Clay,
and Dre are long gone. In fact, Steph Curry is
an assistant coach now for the Washington Wizards. The Warriors win 14 games
in the 2038/39 season. 10 in 39/40, and 14 in 40/41. What makes this worse is that both Nikola Yokić and Giannis are on our coaching staff. We don’t know how this
happened, but it did. It’s so weird to know,
that even at their old age, they would still be far
and away the best players in this current league. They’re trying their best
to teach these young guys how to excel and thrive in today’s NBA, but it just doesn’t work. Some people can’t be helped. – [Kofie] Season 26, the
Warriors finally make it to the play-offs. They only won 28 games
in the regular season. Due to alphabetical dominance
of the Eastern Conference, 4 teams won more than 70 games. – [Jon] The 2K created players
are taking forever to retire. A decade after Sexton
and Dončić hung ’em up, they’re still hanging around. But we’re getting close, there are 202 of our players, and just 32 of 2K’s. (upbeat music) – [Kofie] The Warriors
are trending upwards which means that some of the other teams are probably getting worse. Only some however. Lets talk about the Philadelphia
76ers reign of terror. In season 32, the Warriors won 46 games. The 76ers, they won 82. That’s right, all 82 games. This is the first year
where I really looked and apparently they also went
82 and 0 the year before. The rest of the league was getting worse, but not them. Wanna see the roster? Yep, that’s it. In this era, you don’t need
to be good at basketball, you just have to be tall. That’s all it takes. This leads me to my favorite season in the entire experiment. 2050/51, only three non-40
overalls remain in the league. And of course, they’re all on the 76ers. But let me talk to y’all
about Johnathan Buckner. Bucker is only a 49 overall, but he’s 6’10” and because of the people guarding him, he’s a rebounding machine. Every shot that goes up is probably in his rebounding range. It’s like the jokes
about 1960s basketball, if they were actually true. Our Warriors squad has no chance. The 76ers best play call is a brick so Buckner can get the ball and put it back in. The rest of the NBA
consists of our shitty guys that can’t do anything. Which makes All-Star
weekend an actual war. The players only make
three-pointers if I sim the round. The dunk contest was full of players that actually can’t dunk, but they do their best. None of the quote
unquote dunks look clean. This led to Buckner being the runaway MVP averaging 43.6 rebounds a game, and only averaging 6.6 points. Which to me is wild, you would expect him to have way more points, right? Right? Of course the 76ers won
their fifth straight NBA finals, and in the
finals Buckner averaged 91.7 rebounds per game and only 6.5 points. How? – [Jon] We can’t make sense of this, but we can repeat it. In the finals, Johnathan Buckner averaged at about 91 rebounds
and just six points per game. Consider two things: first in the NBA, about 22.7% of rebounds
are offensive rebounds. If the ratio was similar for him, that would have given him
about 21 offensive boards which he likely pulled down
about two feet from the rim on average. And second, Buckner is 6’10”. His opponents, without exception are 5’4″. So not only did he
receive these guaranteed scoring opportunities right under the rim, he was a man among children. There was no defense. Just him and the rim. In these circumstances,
I think that any bum should be able to shoot 100% on 21 shots, which would give him 42 points. But lets stay conservative and say that he only shot about 75 or so. Still 32 points. Okay fine, let’s get
really really conservative and say that he only makes 10 of these. Less than half, still 20 points. Let’s do Mr. Buckner a favor and assume that all six of these points came from offensive rebounds because the alternative
would be even worse. That would put him at
three for 21 or 14.3%. There are almost zero cases of any player shooting
this badly from literally anywhere in NBA history. And forget anywhere, Buckner
is shooting like this on the easiest possible shot. There’s no way this would have happened if we were in a live simulation, right? I’m sure the off screen simulation must have wildly exaggerated something, but even the mere idea
of it is horrifying. This NBA put all its hopes and dreams into Johnathan Buckner. Their last remaining savior and that’s what he did with it. – [Kofie] At age 37, he
retired right after the finals. And with that, the 40 overalls
completely ruled the league. Despite our XBOX and 2K trying to fight us at every step of the way,
we have finally done it. The NBA is complete trash. The basketball gods look
down on us in disgust as we have opened Pandora’s
Box and unleashed a plague and they have delivered us our punishment. (synth music) We are gonna have to
play as these characters. – I don’t want to. – All right, so we got Albert Brooks, Wallace Buckner, Earnest Cameron, a Mylos Dabanovic and Jim Ward. – Jim Ward, yeah so basically that means we have some one born in the year 2025 or something who is named Jim. Jim’s coming back as a name. I have Lowell Stanley, Marshall Monroe, Ernest Cameron, John
Mullins, Brent Bolton. The name John’s still alive. Hurray. Maybe I’ll be alive too. – This got incredibly dark. (both laughing) – It got us through. Kenny looks sad. Skip him. – Oh we have some of the same players. – Oh, we do. We have clones of the same guys. We both have Cameron as
our starting small forward. – They’re both listed as reserve but they’re in the starting lineup ’cause they’re so bad. – That’s awesome. – I love this game. – So I wonder which one. I probably have the 23 year-old Cameron and you have like the 24 year-old Cameron. Something like that. – It’s like the multi-verse of 2k. – Wow. Well I am playing to win. – Oh you are? You’re playing to win. – I absolutely will be
trying my hardest to win. Look at that line man,
did you see that line? (both laughing) Did you see that line? – There’s like no hair and
then just the rest of it. – Future fashion is
something I’m not ready for. (Kofie laughing) – The ref is taller than they are. – Oh boy. (both laughing) – These guys are like molasses. – Oh no he’s down, this was a bad idea. – Okay fast break, y’all come on. Drive, drive. (groans) (Kofie laughs) – No! Yeah good defense. Yes! (laughing) (Jon groans) – Wow I sure fouled that one up. – Oh they’re all F, all
their attributes are just F. (Jon laughing) Every single one of them. Not a single badge. Ohh! (Jon groans) – Run, you useless fuck! Oh my god! – Why did I do that? I gotta get good basketball
qualities out of my head. – Oh yeah, none of that works. – Pass to the open man. – None of that works when all your dudes run
at two miles an hour. (Kofie laughing) I gotta lock this down. – (laughing) Faked out no one. – It’s basically just
like try to get fouled. (groans) – Yes! Okay this is my ticket to maybe one point. (both laughing) – oh!
– There we go. – Okay, you got the
rhythm down, look at that. – Yeah! Oh, but you have to get it exactly right. There is no room for error on that. – You know who I feel bad for? The mascot. – Me? Oh. (both laughing) Even in 2K11 there were things, you could just get like Demarcus… What? No! – Six second violation? – Six second ’cause I couldn’t
get up court fast enough. – Oh.
– And I tried to but my little stubby guys
they can’t go that fast. Their little legs just won’t carry ’em. – I think some of the rules changed. – Yeah why is it a six second violation? What happened? – Oh yeah, every free agency… – They get to approve new rules. – And I rejected all of them. – But maybe you stopped
rejecting them after a while? – Yeah, oh no. What else is new? I’m gonna die. (Jon laughing) whoo! (both laughing) I did not know you could do that, I was just like what if
you shoot from there. – I’m glad that animations exists. Oh hey! (laughing) – Great pass there. Ah, you know what, I’m
gonna sub you out right now. – That was amazing, can
we see a replay of that? – I tried to do a flashy pass. He’s just like ah… (both laughing) and they just went to time out. They’re just like, that’s enough guys. – That rules. That was so good. Okay come back time. – Ugh, some of the rules changed. Oh my god. – I wonder what else changed. – I don’t… yeah the shot clock is 20. – Yeah. Man it is, that’s why… – That’s why you… – Yeah that’s why I had
the shot clock violation ’cause the shot clock’s 20. I wonder how low it can go, did you ever find that out? – No. Oh you can get rid of it all together. – Oh good. – It’s like 35, 30, 20, and
you can just get rid of it. – Okay. – Adam Silver, what? Nope. (both groaning) – No! That’s bullshit. (Kofie laughing) That is bullshit. – The Warriors are back baby. (laughing) Oh my god. Tested. Oh! Oh! (both laughing) Yeah! – Boards as in: this game
is offensive and I’m bored. (Kofie laughing) Thanks for laughing at that,
man, I appreciate that. (both laughing) – I never heard that before. – (laughing) Me neither. – Oh, I thought that was from a movie I just hadn’t seen. I was just like, “Yeah,
I’ve seen Sandlot, yeah.” – (laughing) It seems like something that would be from Sandlot. Me and my Sandlot-ass jokes. Oh! – No! – Alley-oop. (both laughing) – Let’s replay that, replay that. I just gotta see what
exactly was the idea here. ‘Cause you can’t oop to a guy who’s 5’4″. – ‘Cause in the older
games you could alley-oop and the guy would just catch
it and lay the ball up. But this guy tried his best. – He was in like a dunk motion. (both laughing) – Isn’t that so much fun? It’s so much fun, it’s so fun. – That’s really fun, that’s really fun. – Coach is like I can’t sub you out. – Look at that hair again. – Yeah! Looks like if Frank
Kaminsky left his haircut like halfway through. That’s what that looks like. – [Camera Man] Is it even fun? (Kofie laughing) – In the sense that I don’t know I’m pushing buttons and
stuff happens on the screen, there’s like stimuli I can respond to, that’s all I really look for. – It’s like when you go to Office Depot and do all the bubble wrap stuff. – Yeah. – You pop it ’cause
your mom’s busy looking for an office chair, it’s
like that equivalent. – Right, same thing. – Step back, oh! (both laughing) I had to create space somehow. (Jon laughing) – Oh no! That was the first good,
actual impressive thing I’ve seen anyone do on this court. (Kofie mumbling) – Oh!
– Oh stole it! Shoot it. (Jon laughing) – It just bothers me how they can hit rim from that far out. – I know. – But not a jump shot. – Good game.
– yeah, yeah. – You’re better. Well, Kofie how do you feel
about what we have made? – Let’s never play that again. – Think that was great.
(Kofie laughing) I think it was awesome. (slow synth music)

Dame Drops Some Bars on the Warriors | Game Of Zones S6E2


Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m King James. Blessed by the gods to choose my army, my Lord Commander and my home But alas, I am not I am Ser MarShon Brooks A journeyman sellsword, who, not long ago, was fighting in the distant lands of Chai’Nos, spending years reassembling what remained of my shattered spirit only to land a seat on the dreary benches of Memphis. But fate is a curious thing For yesterday, House Suns requested MY services and offered REAL assets in return Ser Trevor Ariza AND picks! Seems I shall finally prove to everyone that I AM a knight worthy of minutes. And what I once feared was my twilight was in fact, my dawn. Welcome to House Suns Thank you Ser MarShon Brooks at your service Wait. MarShon Brooks? Yes…at your— OK, we traded for Dillon Brooks You wha—oh, um… Dammit, they sent the wrong Br– House Grizzlies sent the wrong Brooks Are you bloody serious? Oh, how the fickle tides of fate recede as quickly as they crash upon my shores. And though my sand castles may wither and wash the deft hands of hope must always be there to rebuild them. I return to Memphis with fresh perspective, renewed spirit Dearest Jennifer, I have received your raven, and I beseech you understand. I am trying I tryeth every day to bring you the ring you so desire… Watch it. Hey, hey. Look who we blocked coming down the lane Well, look who it is! The Boogie Knight himself They say our bigs can’t defend Please! I’ve got a torn Achilles Oh, OK Last I saw this lot, you all were getting swept away faster than a harassment case at House Mavericks. Oh please, Boogie regale us with the tales of your extensive tournament experience. Better none than yours Don’t let him get in your head Aw… Good on you all for giving Jimmer another shot What? No. I’m Nik— Wait I’m not going to fall for your hurtful tricks anymore! You see, it seems the tables have turned! Unlike you, I have two good Achilles AND friends We got your back, Nik! How do you like my sauce now? Bitch What a fellowship you all have Almost makes up for the lack of rings The Lord of Light… Hearted Locker Room Chemistry smiles upon our Brotherhood. Who smiles upon you, Boogie? You’ve got no rings and no friends And which of those can you offer me? Friends I’d prefer rings Well then join us! And together we shall make it past the second round. Whoa, whoa I don’t want this guy here He’s like, uh, mess with our flow you know what I mean? We have like, uh, good vibes and also like, um, we have same agent and he says it might affect my minutes. Doesn’t matter It’s water under the Bay Bridge I’m signing with House Warriors What? No, you can’t— They’re like an All-Star House That’s not fair! That’ll ruin the Realm! He’s full of it Everybody knows House Warriors is over the gold cap They can’t afford you! No, it’s probably mid-level exception -Yeah, it’s a mid-level exception
-Yeah, you’ve got the mid-level taxpayers Oh right, right. The mid-level exception… I of course know what that is and fully understand it. My mind is a buzzin’ For I heard a hot take. Seems big Boogie Cousins Turned into a SNAKE! He rides to the Oak Lands Where there’s rings all around. Give his headband a rebrand As a ring-chaser’s crown. Oh yes! I love Four Bar Fridays! Boogie Dame The only thing more hopeless than this brotherhood is your bard career. -Hey now
-Watch your tongue, Boogie! You know, I expect you to be a bastard but a coward too? I’d rather die than share the court with Curry! Um… No, sorry—I mean the good— I mean Steph And the rest of those serpents. Dame, we’ve got no chance! We had no chance But we do now The Lord of Light-Hearted Chemistry is very powerful To the humble, He giveth… But to the greedy, He taketh away. The Warriors’ defeat can only come from within No House can bear the likes of Draymond, KD AND Cousins. Their golden cup runneth over with assholes Let him go Hope you enjoy the regular season you f–kin’ losers! I hope you get the f–king eighth seed so I can see your faces when we sweep you again! I’ll crush you like I crush my Lord Commanders! Does he know the way out of here? He’ll get himself ejected eventually My mind is a buzzin’ For I heard a hot take. Seems big Boogie Cousins Turned into a SNAKE! He rides to the Oak Lands Where there’s rings all around. Give his headband a rebrand As a ring-chaser’s crown A raven has brought us some news that is good. House Blazers acquired the knight Rodney Hood My Rip City brethren, rejoice and give cheer Except for Nik Stauskas, you’re now a Cavalier. Wait, what? Bye, Nik! Good luck in Cleveland, Nik! If you enjoy Game of Zones, please consider subscribing It lets us know you support the show, and we can notify you when new episodes come out. Have you subscribed, Markelle? No I tried to subscribe, but I missed

Russell Westbrook Teaches Jimmy His Seated Pre-Game Dance Routine


-Let me talk about
what do you off the court, ’cause you do
a lot of great stuff. The Why Not? Foundation. -Yeah, man. To me,
that’s the most important, besides my family, like, the
most important thing I focus on -Yeah.
-…is impacting youth. I think especially
today’s society with social media and everything
else going on in the world, impacting and inspiring youth is
the most important thing to me and the most important thing
I think in the world today that not just myself,
but everybody should focus on. -And it’s called Why Not?
because you’re saying — -Yeah, my Why Not?
It’s just kind of like my motto. It’s kind of what I stand by
since high school, something that I’ve kind of
instilled in my brain and the way I live. -Like, “Why not try”
or “Why not me?” -“Why not you?”
Why not be a doctor? Why not be a NBA player? Because a lot of people
doubt kids, guys like myself, women all across the world. But if you believe in yourself
and tell yourself, “Why not me? Why not?
Why can’t I be a billionaire? Why can’t I be this?
Why can’t I be that?” And I think it’s important that we instill self-confidence
before anything else. -And you’re teaching these kids
self-confidence. [ Cheers and applause ] And the kids look up to you,
and they love you. I think it’s great. You’re doing the thing now
with tech. -Yes. So, I collaborated with a company in L.A.
called Conservation Corps. And they have a great program, just not a lot of people
know about it. And I thought it was a great way for me to kind of start
this year off, this summer off by collaborating with them
and doing a lot of things and working with drones and tech and figuring out different ways to be able to expand,
you know — -Programming and coding
and all that. -Programing and coding.
I grew up in the inner city. And I think, for me,
the program is bringing those kids
out of the inner city and figuring out a way
to be able to understand coding, understanding how to do drone
and all these different things so when there is
a job opportunity, they know exactly
what they’re doing. They understand what it is, and
they can get a job in the world. -Good for you. I think it’s cool
that you’re doing that. [ Cheers and applause ] And then, Honor the Gift. -Yeah.
-Honor the Gift. You’re wearing it tonight, which I love.
-Yeah. -This is your clothing line?
-Yes, it is. -Now, this is cool.
I mean, you do have some good — You have some good fashion.
You have good taste. -I mean, listen, I’m gonna say
not that bad. It’s not that bad. -I’d say it’s probably
like a 95. -If we’re going —
[ Laughter ] -94, 95. -That works. That’s good.
I can stick with that rating. -You’re gonna stick with that
rating on that one? Yeah. I-I learned how to dance — a lot of music video dancing
tonight from J.Lo. -Oh.
-But it turns out — Yeah, exactly, yeah. Well, she’s not the only one
who’s known for their dancing. You have — You have
a pregame routine that involves — that involves
dancing while sitting. I’ll show you what I mean.
-I do. -Here’s Russell Westbrook
doing some seated dancing. Take a look at this. -Can only imagine
what this looks like. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -That’s why —
That’s why we love you. -It’s great. The best part of the game. Everybody’s so serious. -Yeah, just have fun, right?
-Yeah, have fun. Why not? -Can you show me how to do
some seated dancing? -Oh. Sure, sure. Let’s do it. -Alright.
-Let’s try it. -Alright.
-Let’s try it. -Okay, you go to this side. -Alright, yeah. -Are you — Am I following you,
or are you following me? -I’ll follow you. -Alright, let the beat
kick in. Wait. ♪♪ [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -Step to the beat. The beat. -I’m white! I’m white. Sorry. -Alright. We can use our hands.
No feet. You go ahead. You go ahead. We’re in New York. So, look.
-Yeah. -Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. There we go. Boom. -Russell Westbrook, everybody! Check out his clothing line,
Honor the Gift, and his charity,
the Why Not? Foundation.

Game of Zones – S4:E3: ‘The Oak and the Seventh Seed’


Five minutes, Melo Understood Ser Oakley Carmelo… seems you’re my last friend in Knicks colors Quite the opposite, actually The whole city cheers your name outside these Garden walls I saw what they did to you More like what I did to them It’s not right You’re a legend I’m just an old enforcer When I saw how the front office was treating you… well… I did what I’ve always done… I stand up for our best players ’Specially against the twonks who run this house these days Well I’m here to return the favor Now c’mon, we don’t have much time Whaddya mean? Whaddya doin’? We’re getting you out of here Wait…who’s “we”? (Whistle) Derrick! The key! Toss it now! Huh? Joakim? Where’s Derrick? He had to go He had family issues What? Well do you have the key? Uh huh, yeah… Well then toss it! Right, right. Okay, sure Oh crap Men! Do you hear that? It’s game time! YEAH! It’s early, for sure, but if the season ended today, we’d barely be in the eighth seed Do you want to be in the eighth seed? No! Aye! No, Thad, we don’t want that Ayyyyyye DON’T want the eighth seed I don’t want that… We are the Pacers of Indiana! We don’t settle for the eighth seed No! Would Ser Reggie Miller have settled for the eighth seed? No! Would Jermaine of Neal have settled for the eighth seed? No! Probably not! Would… M-Mark Jackson or… Rik Smits have settled for the eighth seed? Maybe? Who is Rip Smith? We are not an eighth seed team! Better than that! We will not be a seventh seed team! Well, we probably will be though What I see, is MUCH better than our record I see a… fifth or sixth seed team! Probably seventh Who will at BEST make it to the second round FIRST!
But probably no further! But probably no further! YEAH I’M OKAY WITH THAT! Right now, our defense is 25th in the league Let’s get that up to 15th! Yeah! And our offense…it’s 20th! Boo! Let’s inch that up to maybe also 15! 15! So let’s go out there and send those Pistons back to Detroit and fulfill our destiny! To have a decent regular season and a forgettable playoffs! YEAH!

Game of Zones – S3:E2 ‘Cavs and Cav Nots’

September 6, 2019 | Articles, Blog | 100 Comments

Game of Zones – S3:E2 ‘Cavs and Cav Nots’


Where we flies a dogs were folks [happy]? Boy, the Glory he lives inside of Terry porter’s head Well four bar Friday, what do we have here? We are the Timberwolves. Put your guard down boy. What’s your name? I’m Wiggins. This here’s Kat. We’re both number one picks and squires of the year. Is that so? And what about the skinny one?
I do cool dunks. Is that is?
Well who are you I’m Dame Lillard. The fellow here with the ball, that’s CJ. Who do you play for? The brotherhood with one banner. Well, we’re on our way to get a banner of our own. Are you now? Sir Garnett said anything is possible. So you gonna help us out or leave us be. I’m gonna be honest with you, I couldn’t tell you how to get in a championship, but I can show you how to make it to the second round. Sir, it’s urgent.
What is it? Warriors. Warriors have broken into the gates. Beasley’s been posterized, Patrick Beverly’s ankles are broken and clutch.
What happened to clutch? His… his head’s been ripped off. Oh God.
And the worst part is they did this with only one splash brother. Damn it, I cannot be the only one on offense. We need to upgrade our roster. I don’t know if.. if that’s the problem, my lord. They left this note.
Let me see that. “Your defense is weak” signed A. F. Who could that be sir? I [use] an I think that’s actually I know it is a donnell file Oh the bastard is out of retirement Are we at [Golden] [State] yet? Almost! But well then where the hell are we? Just passing through Phoenix. It’s a shortcut. Phoenix? Yes the [suns] They’ve been eliminated for years to think how far. They’d Fallen I Heard they used to have an offense so fast they would score in seven seconds every time They were the best at everything except defense. except defense. What was that? Brick men. They’re going [to] try and jump in the boat? Did any of them touch you? No, I think they went 0 for five. Yeah, they did they definitely missed all…shiiiiiiiiiiit Ohhhhhhh…