April 1, 2020
April 1, 2020
April 1, 2020
The ASUS Zephyrus G14 is a smaller 14” gaming
laptop that still packs in good specs, but how well does it actually perform in games?
I’ve tested 20 different games at all setting levels and compared it with other laptops
to help you decide if it’s worth it. I’ve got one of the highest specced configurations
of G14 available. There’s the new AMD Ryzen 9 4900HS processor, which has 8 cores and
16 threads. There’s Nvidia RTX 2060 Max-Q graphics at 65w, 16gb of memory in dual channel
at DDR4-3200 with a 14” 1080p 120Hz screen, but it’s also available in a 1440p configuration,
you can find different options and updated prices linked in the description. The ASUS Armoury Crate software lets you select
different performance modes, I’ve done my testing with turbo mode for best performance,
as this overclocks the graphics by 100Mhz on the core and 120MHz on the memory. We’ll only be covering gaming performance
in this video, we’ll start by looking at all 20 games at all setting levels, then compare
the G14 with some other gaming laptops afterwards. If you want to see everything else about this
machine, check out the full review linked in the description. Red Dead Redemption 2 was tested using the
game’s built in benchmark tool. High settings was still able to give a fair average frame
rate considering this is a resource heavy game. Battlefield 5 was tested in campaign mode,
I’ve got the results with RTX enabled, shown by the green bars, and RTX off, shown by the
purple bars. It ran great with RTX off, even at higher settings, but given I think RTX
on isn’t worth it even with the non Max-Q 2060, I definitely wouldn’t consider it
here as you’d have to use it at lower settings for a playable experience. Control was also tested with and without RTX
enabled. The game still plays ok with lower frame rates for the most part, but I wouldn’t
want to use it with RTX on, at least with the high settings I’ve used here, it runs
well enough with RTX off though. Apex Legends was tested with either all settings
at maximum, or all settings on the lowest possible values, as it doesn’t have predefined
setting presets, and I’ve disabled the frame rate cap. Even at max settings though we’re
averaging above 100 FPS and it’s running well. Call of Duty Modern Warfare was tested in
campaign mode, and I’ve also tested it with the settings either maxed out or at minimum.
Max settings was still able to run above 60 FPS, while minimum settings were hitting higher
than this for the 1% low. Borderlands 3 was tested using the game’s
built in benchmark, and high settings was needed to reach a 60 FPS frame rate, while
the lowest setting levels were able to get us to 100 FPS. Shadow of the Tomb Raider was again tested
with the built in benchmark, and the results were fair, but I’ll show you how different
laptops compare in this game and some others soon. Ghost Recon Breakpoint was also tested with
the benchmark tool, and this was another demanding game that was still able to surpass 60 FPS
even with the ultra setting preset, but almost 100 FPS was possible with low. Fortnite was tested with the replay feature,
and as a less demanding game epic settings was still able to run above 100 FPS, while
high settings was above the refresh rate of the 120Hz screen. Overwatch is another less demanding game and
was tested in the practice range. Even with the highest epic setting preset the average
frame rates were higher than the refresh rate of the screen, so it’s running well. CS:GO was tested using the Ulletical FPS benchmark,
and as a test that seems to favour CPU performance the results are a little below a similarly
specced Intel based laptop, possibly due to the higher single core boost speeds, but I’ll
compare the 4900HS with Intel in depth in a future video. Dota 2 was tested playing in the middle lane,
and as is typically the case with this game, higher end graphical power in most laptops
hardly makes a difference as the limitation tends to be the CPU. In any case, there’s
still great performance here even with ultra settings. Rainbow Six Siege was tested with the built
in benchmark but using Vulkan, which was recently added to the game. Even very high settings
were able to hit average FPS above the 120Hz refresh rate of the screen, so no issues playing
this one either. Metro Exodus was tested using the built in
benchmark, most parts of the game perform a fair bit better than this, so don’t take
these results as a good indication of what to expect throughout the entire game, it’s
more of a worst case. The Division 2 was also tested with the built
in benchmark, ultra settings was almost able to scrape 60 FPS, with medium needed to surpass
100, while low settings could get us higher than the screen’s refresh rate. PUBG was tested using the replay feature,
however the results are unfortunately not comparable with any of my previous testing
as I tested a different map. I spent over an hour trying to get the map I usually do
but ended up giving up, I’ll probably stop testing this game in future unless there’s
strong opposition. Assassin’s Creed Odyssey was tested with
the built in benchmark, and as a resource heavy game the frame rates weren’t that
high with the higher setting presets, however it was possible to get above 60 FPS with high
settings. Far Cry New Dawn was also tested with the
games benchmark, and for the most part the results aren’t really that much different
when compared to most other laptops I’ve tested with lower GPUs, so maybe this is another
game I should replace like PUBG, let me know. The Witcher 3 was playing ok even with max
settings, I don’t think it really sees a benefit from super high FPS, however stepping
back just one setting level to high puts even the 1% low above the average frame rate of
ultra. F1 2019 was tested using the game’s benchmark
tool, the 1% low results were a little inconsistent between setting levels, but either way still
running just fine even with the highest setting preset. Let’s also take a look at how this config
of the G14 compares with other laptops, use these results as a rough guide only as they
were tested at different times with different drivers. In Battlefield 5 I’ve got the G14 highlighted
in red near similarly specced machines. Well, kind of. It’s hard to compare apples to
apples here as I believe this is the first gaming laptop to actually feature Nvidia RTX
2060 Max-Q graphics, or at the very least is the first I’ve been able to get my hands
on. Given it runs with a 65 watt limit, it looks like 80 watt 1660 Ti systems can outperform
it. It’s real close to the Scar II with non RTX 2060 though, so that’s interesting,
and average FPS is similar to the Y540 with i7 and 1660 Ti, though the 1% low from the
4900HS was lower compared to the Intel i7 machines, granted it was better than AMD’s
previous 3750H based laptops. These are the results from Far Cry 5 with
ultra settings in the built in benchmark. This time the 1% low performance was looking
pretty good with the 4900HS, but again it seems that average FPS is lower when compared
to higher wattage graphics options. It’s really hard to fairly compare the 4900HS due
to the 2060 Max-Q, so we’ll have to wait until I get some other laptops that feature
that CPU but with different graphics to do a fair comparison. These are the results from Shadow of the Tomb
raider with the built in benchmark at highest settings. In this test the frame rate was
closer to those more powerful 1660 Ti laptops which was interesting, so fair results from
the G14 here given the lower powered 65 watt GPU. Overall this configuration of the ASUS Zephyrus
G14 was offering decent gaming performance. As we saw in the full review, the CPU performance
is actually quite impressive compared to current alternatives, so it seems like the limitation
is the 65w 2060 max-q, which is fair given it’s a smaller 14 inch machine. It’s worth keeping in mind that the Max-Q
version of the 2060 now represents the entry level ray tracing experience for laptops.
Given I thought tracing those rays didn’t go too well even with the non Max-Q 2060,
I don’t think it’s worth considering the G14 purely with ray tracing in mind. Let me know what you want to see the G14 compared
to in the comments, and of course I’m interested to hear how you thought it performed, otherwise
if you’re new to the channel make sure you get subscribed for future laptop and tech
videos like this one.
[Sonic] Huh? [Sonic] Oh, hey. What’s up? [Tails] Well, I just came to turn in my application! [Sonic] Aha, you actually did this? [Tails] Of course! Can we be friends now? [Sonic] Oh, uh, yeah. Everything looks in order. [Sonic] Sure, I don’t see why not. [Jet] (hawk noise) [Storm] I’m really disappointed, we had to- [Storm] WAH! I’M SO ANGRY! OH WHOA- (OwO?) HEY, WE’RE SLAM- HEY, SOMETHING HAPPENED! [Wave] What is happening in here? [Storm] Something happened and I’m about to tell Jet about it! [Wave] Is that my Blue? [Storm] Yes! Well, now it’s mine, ’cause you set it down. [Jet] It was mine first, I was holding it in the first scene! [Jet] That- that part was relevant. [Wave] Just because you hold it doesn’t make it yours! [Storm] Well, look, I’m really scared and- I don’t know why, [Storm] so we’re gonna have to get to the bottom of this, I think. [Storm] Don’t- fucking- I’m not distracted that easily, young kid! [Storm] I swear to God, don’t ever touch my cube once more, I will put you in the dungeon. [Wave] That’s debatable! [Wave] Hey, so what did you think of Tomorrowland? [Storm] I have no thoughts on Tomorrowland. [Jet] (angry hawk noises) [Announcer] You will be arriving in 10 minutes.
[Jet] (angry hawk noises) [Jet] FUCK! [Storm] Whoa! [Jet] You can’t NOT have thoughts on Tomorrowland! [Storm] Well, I just didn’t think it was that remarkable. What can I say? [Wave] No, I understand, but I was- ah! [Storm] No, she doesn’t understand! [Storm] My head- my hands are so big I can crush her like a sparrow’s egg! [Wave] Get your hands off my face!
[Storm] My head- my hands are so big I can crush her like a sparrow’s egg! [Storm] I will punch you- with my fists! [Eggman] So what’s going on in here? Uh-uh, [Eggman] is this the avian bird convention? [Jet] How the fuck did you get up here?! We’re like, 8 miles off the ground! [Eggman] Uh, I’ve- I’ve, y’know, I just- [Chase] HE’S SO BIG! [Eggman] I- I- I flew! I’m very tall, I am at least 7-foot-1, [Eggman] and I will step on each one of you like eggs. [Jet] Okay, well, I’d like to fuckin’ see you try. [Eggman] Well, a-huh, don’t test me. Now listen to me. [Eggman] You have something in your hands, [Eggman] and I want it. I want part of it [Eggman] …very much. [Storm] Ah! Your eyes scared me. [Eggman] (evil laughter) [Eggman] This is not a joke. I’m not joking with you anymore. [Eggman] I want- whatever part of the- whatever part that you have there, in your hands, that little cube? [Eggman] That is something that leads to Tomorrowland, [Eggman] and yesterday, and the day afterwards. [Eggman] (whispering) Now I need you to hand it to me. [Jet] It’s my GameCube, [Jet] and it will stay in Tomorrowland for as long as I need. [Eggman] I’ll take it. [Jet] Keep your goddamn hands off of it. [Jet] I mean, uh- name a price though. We’ll- We’ll talk. [Eggman] What? I’m not gonna name a price. I’m gonna overwrite your save file. [Eggman] It’s now full of Sonic. [Eggman] Your save files have all been taken up by Sonic. [Digital Sonic] Hey, guys!
[Eggman] Your save files have all been taken up by Sonic. [Eggman] Super Mario Sunshine, look at his eyes, look at his pupils. Beautiful. [Eggman] He runs, brand new Nikes. [Jet] (hawk noise)
[Eggman] He runs, brand new Nikes. [Jet] He is rather beautiful! [Jet] But y’know what’s more beautiful? My skateboard! [Jet] Wow. [Jet] (maniacal cackling) (everyone laughing) [Sonic] ♬ Livin’ in the city… ah, ah, ah… ♬ [Sonic] Whoa! [Sonic] Look at that! [Tails] We’re Jammin’ to some cool tunes! [Tails] Anybody else wanna listen to some Queen? (sound of glass smashing)
[Sonic] Whoa! [Jet] I love stealin’ shit! Great day! [Knuckles] Hey, I love stealing shit, too! [♬ “Catch Me If You Can” by Runblebee ♬] [Jet] Whee!
[♬ “Catch Me If You Can” by Runblebee ♬] [Storm] Aaahh! I don’t know how to steer this!
[Wave] Wooooo! [Jet] Nyoom, nyoom! [Cops] Please pull over. [Jet] Fuck the Cops!
[Cops] Please pull over. [Storm] Stop making “VROOM” sounds, we have to- [Jet] I’m having fun!
[Storm] Stop making “VROOM” sounds, we have to- [Sonic] Everyone stop right there! [Storm] Run him over! [Sonic] Huh? [Knuckles] Punch! Ahaha, ah! Will you be my friend? [Storm] (pained albatross noises) [Storm] Catch me! Catch me! I’m still falling! Catch me! [Tails] Huh?
[Storm] Catch me! Catch me! I’m still falling! Catch me! [Storm] Catch me! Catch me! I’m still falling! Catch me! [Wave] Ah!
[Storm] Thank you! [Knuckles] What?! [Cops] Please pull over. [Cops] You’re not driving on the right side of the road, idiots. [Sonic] Okay, I’ll show you the right side of the road! [Cops] Sir, you’re driving- that’s- that’s very stolen, you’re also not driving on the right side of the road, what the fuck?! [Sonic] Serpentine, Serpentine, left and right!
[Cops] Sir, you’re driving- that’s- that’s very stolen, you’re also not driving on the right side of the road, what the fuck?! [Cops] Sir, you’re driving- that’s- that’s very stolen, you’re also not driving on the right side of the road, what the fuck?! [Sonic] I’m comin’ for ya, bitch! I’m comin’ for ya! [Jet] (hawk noise)
[Cops] Are we doing this shit again, Sonic? [Jet] Hi-yah!
[Sonic] Hey! [Sonic] Who are you supposed to be, anyway? [Jet] (hawk noise) [Sonic] Hey! [Jet] That was an illegal left, by the way! [Penny] (laughter) [Ryan] (laughing) Shut the fuck up!
[Penny] (laughter) [Jet] (echoing) Revali’s Gale is now ready! [Sonic] Huh? WHAT?! [Sonic] Whooooaa! [Sonic] Oof! [Jet] Bye, bitch! [Wave] Bye, bitch!
[Storm] Yeah, bye, bitch! [Knuckles] Whoa! [Knuckles] That wasn’t really that fast. [Sonic] Um… I’m dead! (everyone laughing) [♬ “Sonic Speed Riders” by Runblebee ♬] ♬ I’m gonna hit you with Sonic speed ♬ ♬ Ridin’ on the waves of Super Sonic ♬ ♬ I’m gonna (6x) ♬ ♬ I’m gonna show you ♬ ♬ I’m gonna (6x) ♬ ♬ I’m gonna show you ♬ ♬ I’m gonna show you what true speed is ♬ ♬ Ridin’ on the waves of the Super Sonic ♬ ♬ I’m gonna (6x) ♬ ♬ I’m gonna show you ♬ ♬ I’m gonna (5x) ♬ ♬ Super Sonic, Super Sonic ♬ ♬ Super Sonic Speed! ♬ [Eggman] Good morning, Eggheads AND Crackheads, welcome to the new vlog! [Sonic] Hoh!
[Knuckles] I’m a crackhead! [Eggman] Well, guess what, I have a brand new product for you. It’s called the GameCube 2. [Eggman] I’m going to be releasing it soon, [Eggman] I know that you’re all jealous, especially you… [Eggman] …Shigairo Mayamo! [Knuckles] I’m Shigairo Mayamo! [Eggman] My knuckles are the size of GOD. [Eggman] Listen up! There’s gonna be something going on that I’m gonna be doing for this GameCube 2. [Eggman] A race. A special race. There’ll be something happening! [Penny] (laughter) [Eggman] GOD. [Eggman] You see this? [Eggman] This is the diamond that I am going to give [Eggman] to my brand new husband, and/or wife. [Eggman] It’ll be theirs for the rest of time, with the GameCube 2. [Eggman] So if you want- (cast laughter) [Sonic] Whoa, he’s bisexual, I didn’t know that! [Eggman] By the way, I’m bisexual! I forgot, I- forgot to announce it! How do you turn this shit off- wait- [Sonic] Hmmm! [Storm] It’s me! Hey, guys! [Wave] It’s me! [Jet] Bisexual rights! [Sonic] Whoa! Who’s that? [Sonic] He looks pretty cool! [Sonic] Wait, I saw him earlier. Oh, I remember now! (laughter) [Penny] God, that was garbage…
(laughter) (laughter) [Knuckles] Man, I can’t believe he made a commercial bespoke to me, Shigairo Maya- [Amy] Hey, everybody! Hey, Shigairo! Hey, Sonic! Hey, Tails! [Sonic] Ugh…
[Amy] Hey everyone! Wow! [Amy] Hey everyone! Wow! [Sonic] How’s it goin’? [Amy] No. I talk first. [Amy] Listen. [Amy] You guys are trying to do some shiny shit. [Amy] I want a diamond. You have to win, [Amy] the diamond, for ME! (Amy winks) [Sonic] Agh! [Tails] You gotta do it, Sonic. [Sonic] Whoa. What’s up, buddy? You look upset. [Tails] Don’t worry about it. It’s just- [Tails] I missed my Therapy appointment today, and I’m a little upset about it. [Amy] How relatable!
[Sonic] Aw, Tails, I’m sorry. [Chase and Ryan] (laughing) [Tails] It’s fine. It’s just- Um… [Tails] So, there was this thing that I saw and it was like a… [Tails] A… squid, I think? Or a… bird? [Tails] A logo, it was a logo. [Tails] I don’t- It was at the top of the waterfall? [Narrator Knuckles] Long ago, before man, there were… squid boys. [Narrator Knuckles] Squid boys worship angel. [Narrator Knuckles] Angel turn into hog man. [Narrator Knuckles] Hog man turn into bunny man. [Narrator Knuckles] Bunny man turn into squid. [Red] All of their birds in One Piece. [Chase] Only Link can defeat Ganon. [Tails] That’s the squid man! That’s him, I saw it- once in history class! [Knuckles] I was in history! [Knuckles] But only once. [Tails] Only once. And that’s all you’ll ever get. [Knuckles] Oh my God. [Knuckles] NO! [Knuckles] I MUST BE IN HISTORY AGAIN! [Knuckles] I could’ve- refuse to have only lived in
nineteen-aught-seven! [Knuckles] Who the fuck are you?! [Wave] Oh! Ya know, I just wanted to close my eyes and see where I ended up and… [Wave] Ooh, what’s this? [Wave] This a Game Boy? [Tails] It’s a- It’s a skateboard. [Wave] It doesn’t have any wheels, idiot! [Tails] Well then, it’s a hoverboard. [Tails] I invented it myself. [Wave] (Majestic Swallow Cry) [Tails] Um… okay.
[Wave] (Another Majestic Swallow Cry) [Wave] Sorry, I had to scream, uh… it’s just a thing, don’t worry about it. [Amy] What the fuck? [Sonic] Uhh… [Knuckles] No. [Wave] Eh… Sorry, I remembered a joke. [Tails] Thanks, I guess. [Wave] Later, nerds! [Tails] Bye. [Amy] What the fuck is happening? Who is that bitch? [Sonic] I feel like I’m on, like, another plane of existence right now. [Tails] I really wish I hadn’t missed therapy… [High-Pitched Disembodied Voice] Hi! You all need to- get your fuck to the track! [Sonic] Okay, well…
[Tails] Alright, let’s go. [Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000G] Are you okay? [Knuckles] Oh, sorry! Look- [Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000G] Dude, are you okay? [Knuckles] Oh! I’m-
[E-10000G] Dude, are you okay? [Knuckles] (drowning) [Storm] Oh my god! Hey! [Storm] Watch where-
[E-10000R] Why are you making noises like that? [E-10000R] Why are you making noises like that? [Storm] Watch where you’re going, shithead!
[Knuckles] (drowning) [Knuckles] (drowning) [Storm] I’ll kill you! I swear to God, don’t ever talk that shit again to me! [Knuckles] (frustratedly drowning) [Storm] Uh- I-
[Knuckles] (frustratedly drowning) [Storm] I don’t care that you’re drowning in your own lungs! [Storm] You knocked into me and I want you to apologize right now! [Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000R] Hey uh, what the fu-
[Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000R] OH GOD!
[Knuckles] (drowning) [E-10000R] That was just really painful. [Storm] HAHAHAHAHA! [Storm] I love seeing people suffer when they wrong me, even if it’s minor! [Storm] Now I’m going to punch you! HAAH- [Knuckles] (still drowning) Not if I punch you first! [Storm] HRAAGH! [E-10000R] GOD [E-10000R] DAMMIT [E-10000R] WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?! [Storm] Oh, God, I’m so sorry, sir. [Storm] I’ve just been so on edge since we had to kick Rouge out of the polycule, ’cause she could only name two of the Beatles! [Knuckles] I can finally breathe! What the hell is wr- [Knuckles] (angrily drowning) (cast laughing)
[Knuckles] (angrily drowning) [Knuckles] STOP FILLING THE AIR WITH WATE- [Knuckles] (drowning) [Storm]
ゴ ゴ IT’S MY ENEMY STAND! ゴ ゴ [Penny] (laughter) [Jet] Aaah… GameCube… [Storm] Hey! Hey! I’m scared! [Jet] (hawk noise)
[Storm] And this time I know why I’m scared! [Storm] Slam! Slam! Slam! [Storm] I saw somebody and they had a Stand! [Jet] Wha- a Stand….? [Wave] Hey, Jet, your copy of Grown Ups 2 is overdue. You should return it. [Storm] Oh shit, hang on! We can talk about this later. I have to return that to Redbox. [Storm] Y-You know, they charge a dollar every day you don’t return it, which is really predatory. [Storm] It’s like loans with a set- uh, interest rate. [Wave] I mean…
[Storm] It’s like loans with a set- uh, interest rate. [Wave] You just have to make sure to return it on time. It’s not that hard! [Storm] DAH!
[Wave] You’re the one who didn’t want a streaming service! [Wave] You’re the one who didn’t want a streaming service! [Wave] They’re so much better! [Jet] Stop it!
[Wave] What? [Jet] We’ve had Grown Ups 2 for almost four months, and I still haven’t seen it yet! [Jet] I’ve wanted to for such a long time, but it’s so hard for us to get together, you know? [Storm] Well, you’re never there for movie night. [Jet] It’s hard to make time, you know, with your friends. It’s tough. [Storm] Uh, ya know what? It IS tough. [Storm] I’ll make a- I’ll make an effort to- uh, have more time to watch movies with you. Okay? [Jet] We’ll figure this out. I promise. [Storm] You bet, boss! I’m gonna run like a cartoon now. [Storm] Woohoo! Aaah! (crash) [Wave] Oh!
[Jet] (startled hawk noise) [Wave] That better not have been my- [Wave] NO! My father was in that painting! [Jet] Oh no! [Wave] No! [Jet] Fuck desks! (everyone laughing) [Jet] (hawk noises) [Penny] (laughing) [Wave] Ugh… [Wave] Uuuugh… [Jet] Hmm… [Jet] I hear womanly emotions. [Penny] (laughing again) [Wave] I’m not a girl, you idiot! [Wave] I’m a SWALLOW! Jesus, it’s not that hard! [Wave] Okay, I’m sorry for snapping at you. I know that it’s been kind of rough, [Jet] Y’know? [Wave] Yeah, I know! Look at me point. Wha-What am I-? [Wave] Oh, God, what’s happening to me? [Wave] Oh, God!
(everyone laughing) [Wave] I’ve been infected by the… [Sonic] WHOA! HERE I GO! YEAH! HURRAY! [Jet] Ah! I’m gonna go fuck with the competition. [Wave] Yeah, yeah. Oh no. Oh, my God. Help me. [Wave] Help me! Jet, no, don’t leave me! [Wave] Jet! Jet!
[Jet] Sorry, got places to be! [Sonic] Hey guys, watch this! [Tails and Knuckles] WHOA! [Knuckles] Holy… cow! [Sonic] Pretty cool, huh? Yeah! [Knuckles] Yeah! I’m glad I got to see it. [Knuckles] It would be really neat if the audience got to see it too. [Sonic] Tony Hawk! [Tails] Wow, Sonic, that was AWESOME! [Tails] You’re super cool! [Sonic] Thanks so MUCH, Tails! [Sonic] Haha- Whoa!
[Jet] Not very impressive for someone of your reputation! [Jet] Not very impressive for someone of your reputation! [Sonic] Oh, God, ya fucking dick! Who are you anyway?! [Jet] I’m Jet, and I’m your new best friend! If you’ll have me… [Tails] What? [Knuckles] That’s impossible. [Jet] I love meeting new people, but it’s so hard when you move to a new city from a sky ship. [Sonic] (increasingly angry noises) [Jet] You know, we could- [Jet] Uh, bye! [Sonic] You can’t just insert yourself into friend groups like that! [Knuckles] My therapist told me- [Sonic] Oh, I don’t care what your therapist told you, Knuckles. [Sonic] We have work to do. [Sonic] We gotta win this race so we can get the GameCube! [Tails] Uhh… Sonic? [Sonic] What? [Tails] We’re your friends, right? You would never replace us with somebody else… you promise? [Sonic] Not unless you did something lame or stupid or uncool! [Tails] Oh, okay! [Tails] It’s not like I feel like everything I do is lame and stupid and uncool… [Sonic] What?
[Tails] It’s not like I feel like everything I do is lame and stupid and uncool… [Tails] It’s not like I feel like everything I do is lame and stupid and uncool… but it’s fine! No, it’s really fine. [Tails] It’s really cool and good that you’re my friend and… anyway. I have- [Sonic] Okay.
[Tails] to go… I guess [Storm] I gotta get to McDonald’s before it closes. [Storm] Redbox is gonna be so pissed they’re gonna cut… [Storm] my- eye off. [Storm] Aaah! Nurgh! [Storm] Jet, your force field that stopped me- [Jet] I’m cutting you off. You’ve had too much. [Storm] I have to return Grown Ups 2, please! [Storm] It’s on this microchip that is not a Chex piece. [Wave] I’m gonna take that. [Storm] What the fuck?
[Wave] Let’s see… [Wave] If we hack into the Redbox, I might be able to extend the deadline. [Jet] You have to! [Storm] It’s the only way! Please, [Storm] do… that thing you said! [Wave] What the fuck, Eggman? What are you doing in the Redbox? [Jet] Hmm… So, Eggman was controlling Redbox the entire time, and he expected us to never find out? [Jet] I can’t believe this shit. [Eggman] With my full-on control, I will make sure that no one will ever be able to return a movie ever again, [Eggman] and Grown Ups 3 will be made by me, [Eggman] with the power of the angel’s wings, [Eggman] the mathematics that I’ve done on blocking, [Eggman] and Adam Sandler himself. [Eggman] I will have all the power to be able to stop it. [Eggman] No one will be able to get between me. [Eggman] I will make the brand-new GameCube 2 [Eggman] and Adam Sandler will be the one to promote it, for Grown Ups 3. [Eggman] DAHAHAHAHAHA! [Storm] What a fucking… bastard! [Storm] We can’t let him do that to Adam Sandler’s career! [Storm] It can’t take another hit!
[Jet] Welp… [Jet] I’m out. [Jet] Done with this shit. [Jet] Honestly, I’m not fucking with any more Redboxes. [Jet] Last time I did, it spit a bunch of quarters at me. [Wave] Wait, you don’t put quarters in there. What were you- [Wave] Jet, were you putting your quarters in the card reader? [Jet] No- [Wave] Jet. (everyone laughing) [Wave] That’s not how you do that! [Jet] They were pouring out of it! I almost drowned like Scrooge McDuck! [Wave] What the fuck are you talking about?! Is it a Coinstar?! [Jet] Here, I’ll show you. (everyone losing their shit) [Ryan] SHUT THE FUCK UP!
(everyone losing their shit) (everyone losing their shit) [Jet] Hey, wait a minute. You interrupted my flashback! [Wave] Oh sorry, my Behelit is calling me. Let’s see what we got here. [Jet] Oh Jesus Christ, let’s just ride on our skateboards. I feel like it’s a good way to de-stress. [Storm] Aw man, I feel so less stressed now! [Wave] So more relaxed!
[Storm] Let’s go to the Colosseum in the middle of the desert! [Storm] Let’s go to the Colosseum in the middle of the desert! [Announcer] Welcome to the Great Colosseum in the Middle of the Desert! [Announcer] Where did you guys park? [Announcer] I’m trying to figure it out. [Announcer] There’s no- there’s no way you guys actually got here, right? [Announcer] Did y’all walk?! Are you all nomads?! With like, 3 frames per second?! [Announcer] Who are you people?! [Eggman] Where do you think you’re going, Sonic? [Sonic] I’m going up the stairs! [Eggman] You think you’ve won? You think you’re just gonna get away with this? [Eggman] You think that you actually won the GameCube 2? [Eggman] You think that you’re gonna get that out of my hands? Oh, Sonic. [Sonic] Here, watch this, I got like a Chaos Emerald and everything. [Eggman] Sonic. Sonic, wait. Wait, wait, Sonic. Sonic, wait a minute. [Eggman] Waitaminutewaitaminutewaitaminute (hyperventilating)
[Sonic] One, two, three, four, five… [Eggman] Sonic, those are for Adam Sandler, please. [Sonic] Hmm, got one right here! [Jet] You know, I have to say something really cool here to close out the dub trailer. [Sonic] Okay, I’ll say something cool too. [Chase] Great work, guys. (everyone laughing) [Eggman] What is happening? What is going on? What the- no! My gems! [Sonic] I’m gonna win, bitch, I’m gonna win! [Jet] NO! [Sonic] Haha! There’s nothing that can stop me now! [Sonic] Especially not some sort of unforeseen disaster event! [Sonic] Woohoo! [Wave] Oh boy, I’ve foreseen a disaster! [Sonic] (hellish scream of agony) [Chase] Oh, my God, he’s dead! [Chase] Domestic terrorism! [Chase] Oh, no! [Announcer] And would ya look at that, everyone? Sonic has fuckin’ died! [Announcer] Who wants to bite the bullet and kiss him? [Sonic] …I’m gonna… fucking kill you. [Jet] Looks like you’re stuck with the Wii U, you punk bitch! [Alfred] (wheezing) [Sonic] The Wii U’s not that bad! [Jet] It’s true, but the lack of support means the controller will be outdated [Sonic] Oh, you’re right!
[Jet] and no one will be able to replace iiiiiiit! [ Announcer] Hey, audience, I know you’re wondering what the fuck is going on! [Announcer] Uhh… me too! [Announcer] I WAS not told about any- What? Uh, WHAT? Uh, they’re- They’re floating. [Announcer] They’re floating? I don’t think- I don’t think- Uh… It doesn’t- Hold on, lemme fuckin’- Uh… [Jet] I’m turning up the graphics settings once and for all! [Announcer] It does NOT say any-
[Jet] I’m turning up the graphics settings once and for all! [Jet] I’m turning up the graphics settings once and for all! [Announcer] It does NOT say anything about this at- [Announcer] OH, I CAN SEE THE WRINKLES ON MY HANDS! [Announcer] I CAN SEE MY AGE! [Announcer] WHAT THE FUCK?! [Alfred] (laughter) [Announcer] I CAN- [Announcer] I HAVE SO MUCH DETAIL! [Announcer] …Also, there’s a laser. [Announcer] Alright, well, this sports announcer doesn’t know- [Alfred] What is ha- What is going on?! [Alfred] What is ha- What is going on?!
[Chase] Wh– [Penny] (laughing) [Chase] WHAT THE FUCK? [Announcer] MY CAR WAS THERE, YOU DICK!
[Chase] WHAT THE FUCK? [ Announcer] MY CAR WAS THERE, YOU DICK! [Red] Oh, he dug up Pompeii. Thanks, Jet. [Jet] Hey everybody, I found Pompeii! [Chase] I did not think this is gonna get this fucking crazy. [Alfred] I didn’t think so either! [Chase] I thought they were doing skateboarding tricks. [Blue] Y’all, it’s Sonic. [Ryan] This is an advanced skateboarding trick. [Chase] Yeah, it’s called “Digging Up Atlantis”. [Ryan] Yeah, you Ollie nosegrind, and then use the Chaos Emeralds and the GameCube 2 to summon Babylon fucking Garden. [Jet] Yup. That’s it. GameCube 2. That’s how it works. [Jet] Good thing I’ll have it forever. [Jet] Right in my- AHH! [Eggman] Hahahahahaha… [Amy] Oh my, God! I know that guy! [Eggman] That GameCube is mine, I’m taking it- [Amy] Oh oh oh! OH!
[Eggman] That GameCube is mine, I’m taking it- [Eggman] Oh, if this hoe don’t get off of my car- GET OFF THE CAR, GET OFF! [Eggman] PLEASE! AAAAAH! [Omochao] I’ve come to make a- Wait no, wrong script. [Omochao] Anyway, there’s a big fucking desert thing that happened. [Omochao] A little bit weird, but I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about too much. [Omochao] Unless, like, you know, you think the world’s gonna end, like, with all, climate, whatever. [Omochao] I-I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t even worry about it. [Omochao] But you know what, gotta say, I don’t know how it floats. [Sonic] How do you guys think it floats!? [Knuckles] I have no idea, I’m not a climate scientist! [Jet] Hm?! [Sonic] Huh?! There he is! [Eggman] Fuckin’ out of here! [Chase] Look at his little scooter! [Eggman] I gotta go. Oh, this car-
[Chase] Look at his little scooter! [Tails] Go, Sonic! You got this, bud! Here, take this skateboard! [Sonic] Oh! I maybe don’t got it, please don’t throw it, we’re in the middle of the air, Tails, you [Sonic] reckless son of a bitch-
[Tails] Listen I’m- just- I’m sorry I’m just trying to do my best! [Tails] Listen I’m- just- I’m sorry I’m just trying to do my best! [Sonic] You need to do better, No sorrys! [Sonic] See ya!
[Knuckles] Wait, sonic! I need to tell you about something that my therapist told me- [Sonic] Woooo! [Sonic] Yeah! [Sonic] I’m such a cool guy. [Jet] Nyoom! [Jet] I’m gonna show you all the coolest skateboard tricks, and then you’ll respect me! [Sonic] Huh, likely. [Jet] It is! [Sonic] Uh, yeah. Well, I mean, you gotta prove it though, so… go for it! Let me see some of those tricks! [Jet] Wheee! [Sonic] I’m not seeing em! [Knuckles] Aw, FUCK, my knee! [Storm] Aw, God, my knee!
[Tails] Sorry, oh! Oh! Oooh…
[Knuckles] Jesu- Oh! [Knuckles] God! [Storm] Oh, that hurt.. [Knuckles] I can’t make these kinds of impacts at my age! [Storm] Kiss me!
[Knuckles] Alright… [Knuckles] Time to make some impacts at my age… [E-10000G] (scanning noise) Fire when ready? [E-10000R] Yep, that’s my voice now, shoot em bitches! (laughter and robot noises) [Tails] Oh no, Knuckles, look out! They’re- robots! [Knuckles] Oh, come on! [Tails] (confused screaming) [Storm] See ya! [Tails] Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! [Tails] No! Wait! AHHH!
[E-1000R] Get ‘er! [Robot noises] [Tails] wuff [Tails] Got out of there, just in time. [Sonic] Hua! [Jet] Aagh! [Sonic] Wait, Jet, look out! [Jet] AUGHHH [Sonic] Holy shit, are you ok? Oh my god, are you ok? [Jet] The hand of god! [Sonic] Just kidding, I don’t care.
[Jet] (screams upon impact) [Eggman] Adam Sandler’s in here, locked behind these doors. [Eggman] With gi-
[Sonic] No. [Eggman] What do you want?
[Sonic] Eggman. [Eggman] No, stop- get back.
[Sonic] You’re not gonna see Adam Sandler before I do! [Eggman] Guess what?
[Amy] Ohhhhhh… (Eggman and Sonic trade “what?” “yup.” and “mm-hm”s) [Eggman] You wanna get into my (mumble-laughs)? You wanna get in my way again? [Eggman] Oh huh oh, you thought it was gonna be like last time huh? [Eggman] You thought I was gonna let that happen? [Sonic] No, I got some new tricks motherfucker. [Eggman] Well guess what I’ve- got a new trick and it’s called getting the hell away from you- [Amy] Ahh…
[Eggman] Well guess what I’ve- got a new trick and it’s called getting the hell away from you- [Amy] Ahh…
[Eggman] Huh? [Eggman] WHAT- OH- *COUGH* *COUGH* [Eggman] WHAT IS THAT? Whh… [Amy] Ahh… [Amy] What? [Amy] Ahh… [Sonic] POGGERS! [Eggman] Wait, no nononononono- [Amy] Ahh…
[Eggman] Wait, no nononononono- [Eggman] Wait, no nononononono- [Amy] Aahh…! [Eggman] Eughhhh- [Sonic] bITch!
[Amy] CHOO! [Eggman] uwAAAH……
[Amy] Oh god! I’m sorry, I sneezed REAL bad. [Sonic] Got it. [Sonic] Alright Jet, take this. [Jet] OK. [Sonic] Are we friends now? [Jet] I sure would like to be, [Jet] and I’m very angry about how many people have been disrespecting us today. [Storm] Ey guys, you have my copy of Grownups 2?
[Wave] Holy SHIT, Sonic’s alive, [Wave] oh thank GOD, I did NOT want to be… [Wave] oh thank GOD, I did NOT want to be…
[Jet] (hawk noise) [Wave] …responsible for hedgehog slaughter. This has been a good day. [Jet] Bye, new friend!
[Storm] Yeh, see you guys! [Sonic] Ugh. [Sonic] Well, maybe he’ll make it through the application process. [Sonic] He’d be a nice add to our group. [Tails] yyyeah, sure….
[Amy] gaaaaaA [Sonic] Huh?
[Amy] You mOther fUCKer, you just left me to DIE. [Sonic] Top 30 Reasons Why Sonic is Sorry [Sonic] Top 30 Reasons Why Sonic is Sorry
– Number 5 Will Surprise You! [Amy] Top 30 Anime Deaths – [Amy] Top 30 Anime Deaths
– Number One: [Amy] Top 30 Anime Deaths
Your Fuckin’ ASS RIGHT NOW!! (cast laughter)
(Amy yelling) [Sonic] Amy, no, wait, oh god please leave me alone
[Amy] You sonnuvabitch! [Sonic] I don’t wanna die, I’m not ready to die, there’s so many things I
[Amy] I’m gonna fuckin’ wear your guts for garters! [Sonic] haven’t done yet, Amy PLEASE,
[Amy] I swear to GOD- [Sonic] I need to go to a Chipotle! I need to visit Walt Disney World!
[Amy] (continues yelling) [Storm] So… This is the new Redbox. [Jet] The Redbox… [Jet] Finally, all of the Gamecube 2 games will be ours for free! [Jet] (terrified hawk noise) [Wave] Ow, my eyes! [Storm] Is that God? [Storm] Oh no, it’s just empty. [Storm] Wow this sucks. (wheeze) [Wave] Where’s all the treasure? [Sonic] Oh, Amy! Amy, please! Please, please mercy!
[Amy] Fucking- swear to God! [Sonic] Please have mercy on me!
[Amy] Sonic, I thought you were working through your-augh! [Amy] You hit me?! [Announcer] Come to Redbox to get all the latest deals [Announcer] on the new- newly released movies and Gamecube 2 games. [Sonic] It’s the Adam Sandler signal! [Everyone] (laughing) [Wave] Whee!
[Jet] I’m gonna watch Uncut Gems! [Storm] Oh my God, it’s the Redbox Matrix! We made it! [Adam Sandler] Hey, what’s up guys, welcome to my Matrix. (really hard laughter) [Jet] Adam Sandler? [Sonic] We are gonna get in, I gotta see Adam! [Tails] No, we gotta get inside quick, before the door closes! [Sonic] Shut up, I’m going in! [Storm] Is that Adam Sandler? [Adam Sandler] Ayy, you know who it is, it’s me, Adam Sandler! [Adam Sandler] I don’t know how good this impression is. I don’t know why I’m a demon. [Sonic] Oh I think it’s pretty good. [Storm] Why does he look like that? [Amy] Who’s Adam Sandler? [Demon] Oh, ya know, I’m not really Adam Sandler. [Demon] I’ll leave now, I’m sorry. [Amy] Wait, no, don’t, wait! [Amy] Explain to me who Adam Sandler is!
[Storm] That was a great impression! [Storm] Do you own a YouTube channel? [Demon Adam Sandler] I’m always with you~ [Sonic] (gasps) [Sonic] It’s the leaked script for Click 2! [Amy] Oh, wow. [Sonic] Wha-? [Eggman] Now that you have that leaked script, now I’m feeling Happy Gilmore. Do you get it? [Sonic] Yeah, me too! [Eggman] I know, that’s pretty clean, right? (laughs) [Jet] (confused hawk noises) [Eggman] (continues laughing) [Eggman] Now hand it over. Give it to me. I want Click 2. I want the- I want the script. [Jet] Here you go. [Eggman] Wow, this thing is hefty as hell. [Eggman] There’s not even that much dialogue in that movie to begin with! [Eggman] Good Lord. Well, thanks for this. I mean, I don’t know what I’m gonna- wait a minute. [Eggman] This isn’t a script. This is a rug. And there’s a…note? [Heavenly voice] This is my rug~ [Eggman] My- wait, let me read this. [Eggman] “My dearest Ikea customer, [Eggman] if you are dissatisfied with anything that you have received in the past 24 hours [Eggman] you may return the rug immediately.” [Eggman] That is signed from Mr. Ikea himself. [Eggman] “P.S: This rug was made with love and signed [Eggman] by Adam-?!” (gasp) [Eggman] (shaky breath) Oh my God! [Eggman] Do you realize what this means? Do you feel this? [Eggman] This was signed… [Eggman] …by Adam Sandler! [Eggman] The god! The angel! The blessing! I could sell this for millions of dollars! [Eggman] Oh my goodness! I could be rich! [Eggman] I will never have to chase after hedgehogs ever again! [Eggman] It’s so stretchy, too. So Fabergé. Is it cashmere? How much can I sell it for? [Eggman] (Grunts) Eugh! [Eggman] (weak laughter) [Tails] Eggman, are you okay? [Wave] No, he’s dead. We must carry on the legacy. [Sonic] Can I bury the body? [Wave] His family wanted an open coffin. [Tails] Well, okay, I guess I’m Eggman now, so…that’s the story. [Jet] Yep ! That’s gotta be it ! [Sonic] Wait, is it like Tim Allen rules? [Jet] Whoa, the Gamecube 2… [Jet] It’s reacting to the script ! [Sonic] (exclaims) [Wave] Well, looks like it can show us the world. [Sonic] Shinning, shimmering, splendid- [Amy] I swear to God… [Jet] Tell me, Sonic. Now when did you last let your heart decide? [Amy] Are we really doing this? [Amy] Is everyone doing A Whole New World without me? [Amy] I wanna be Jasmine, you son of a bitch! [Amy] Wait, how the fuck did we get here? (short laughter) [Sonic] What a domain to leave behind so wrecked. [Jet] Yeah, I mean, it was okay. [Jet] We met Adam Sandler so, that’s gotta be worth something. [Jet] And I feel like I’ve made a real friend today. [Jet] I’ll put in my application. [Sonic] Yeah there’s no guarantees, it’s like a whole process. [Jet] Yep. [Wave] Yeah. [Storm] Slap! [Wave] Ow, what the fuck?!
[Storm] That was really funny. [Jet] Oh, you two. [Tails] Hey, Sonic- [Sonic] Wait, I don’t talk to you. You’re Eggman now. [Jet] Whee! (everyone laughing)
[Sonic] Whee! Whoo-hoo! [Sonic singing] If I were a rich man, with a million or two~
[Jet] You’re green with it! [Sonic singing] If I were a rich man, with a million or two~ [Jet singing] I’d live in a penthouse in a room with a view~ [Sonic] One more time! You’re green with it! [Sonic & Jet] Wouldn’t have nothin’ if I didn’t have you~ [Jet] Alright! I’ll see you in five years in Team Sonic Racing! I’ll be there! [Jet & Sonic] Wouldn’t have nothin’ if I didn’t have youuuuuuuu~ [Sonic] Woah, oh, oh! [Jet] A E I O, That means you! [Announcer] Welcome to City 17! [Announcer] You’ve been chosen. or have been chosen, or have been cho- this isn’t the right script [Announcer] Wait, what the fuck was tha-?! Hey, hey! [Announcer] Yo, tire, can you get the fuck out of my city please? [Tire] Boing! [SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖. [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖. [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.
[Announcer] What the fuck?! [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.
[Announcer] Y-you’re making all my robots go stupid! [Announcer] Ah, god, Boss is gonna be so pissed. [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤. 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤.
[Announcer] At least say something smart! [♬ “A Ghost Pumpkin’s Soup – Remix 2019” by Tomoya Ohtani ♬] [Sonic] Well, Eggman, you’ve captured me once more. [Sonic] What are ya gonna do with me this time, motherfucker? What’s this donut about? [Tails] Well, I just wanted to say thank you for giving me content for my villainous backstory. [Tails] You know all those times you bullied me, and called me a jerk… [Knuckles] God! Retirement’s so boring! [Tails] Well, then get a job, loser. [Knuckles] I’m old! [Sonic] What’s that? Oh, are you gonna kill me in the car? [Scanner] Located. Small Tire. [Knuckles] Wait a second… [Knuckles] Aw, I hate the police! [SCR-HDs] Tire. Tire. Tire.
[Sonic] Oh god, what’s going on?! Wait- (Tails yelling) [Knuckles] One three one two! [Sonic] Look! [Sonic] In the elevator! [SCR-HDs] Tire. Tire. Tire. [Tails] I got it, I got it!
[SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖. [SCR-HDs] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖.𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖. [Knuckles] Ow! Wait- [Sonic] Why are they saying tire? [Knuckles] Why did you kick me out of the car? [Tails] Maybe it’s because of the tire you have in your hand. [Sonic] Oh, that makes sense. I didn’t think about it that way. [Tails] Ohhh, we’re in so much trouble… [Knuckles] Going downnn? [SCR-HDs] TIRE! [Sonic] Look out! [SCR-HD] Tire! [SCR-HD] Ow. [SCR-HDs] (𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖 robot noises)
[Sonic] What the- Wait, if we didn’t plan this- [SCR-HDs] (𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖 robot noises)
[Sonic] Then whose fault could this possibly be? [Sonic] Look out! [Knuckles] Aha! [Knuckles] OW! (group screams) [Sonic] I’m gonna die! I’m not ready to die! [Sonic] NO! OH GOD!
[Tails] Good thing I can fly! Haha, bitch! [Sonic] I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. [Sonic] Is this where it gets me? [Sonic] In the sky! Several feet ahead of me! [Sonic] Look out! [Robot?] ?????????? Located. destroying theatre kid. [Jet] (intrigued hawk grunt) [Jet] Now that we have the code for the Gamecube 2 we can get started on our next project. [Storm] Is this a Commodore 64 keyboard? [Jet] It sure is. And that’s going to be the peripheral for our new game system. [Jet] Title Pending™ [Storm] Oh my god… [Wave] (from now on with french accent) I am not okay with zis. [Storm] I didn’t think this day would come.
[Jet] Well… [Jet] I can’t think of anythin- (breaks off laughing) [Wave] Zat is alright.
(Marble and Penny laughing hysterically) (Marble and Penny laughing hysterically) [Storm] That’s okay game development is hard.
(Marble and Penny laughing hysterically) [Storm] Ugh- [Storm] I just remembered a traumatizing experience in my past, hang on I have to stim and I’ll feel better. (cast laughing)
[Storm] I just remembered a traumatizing experience in my past, hang on I have to stim and I’ll feel better. (cast laughing)
(Jet humming) [Jet] The Gamecube 3- No that, hmm… [Jet] It doesn’t feel right. [Wave] Ve can vorkshop it. [Disembodied Robot Voice] Can you please give me back my fucking tire? [Wave] Vas ist das? [Disembodied Robot Voice] Please, pretty fucking- I need the tire back. [Shooting Star] pyoom! [Wave] A shooting star! [Wave] It reminds me of missiles from ze war. [Storm] You know, I know you spent a- like a weekend in France, but you don’t have to, like pretend you’re french. [Wave] I spent 30 years in France! [Wave] The problem is that I had to solve a problem with time dilation. [Storm] Hahahaha! I can’t understand you through your thick accent but I still like you, ’cause you’re my friend. [Jet] I swear to god. [Storm] Oh my god! You scared me, I didn’t know you were there. [Jet] These motherfuckers… [Jet] Please… deliver me from this hell. (cast laughing) (shooting star noises) [Storm] Uh, did anybody hear that or was that just me? [Storm] Nah, i’m just gonna pretend it was me, I’m also gonna pray. [Storm] WOAH!
[Wave] They have returned. [Disembodied Robot Voice] I told you to give me back my fucking tire, you– bird-bitch! [Jet] The Commodore 64! [Disembodied Robot Voice] Bird found that is not Falco Lombardi. Therefore; access denied. [Jet] I knew I should have invited my cousin, Falco Lombardi! [Jet] He would have solved all of this. [Disembodied Robot Voice] You are not attractive enough. Die. [Jet] It’s impolite to judge people based on attractivenesssss! [Storm] What the fuck? [Disembodied Robot Voice] Warudo located. [Disembodied Robot Voice] Tire: in use. [Jet] That’s right! I can fly now! [Jet] I’ve been a bird this entired god damn time i should be familiar with this feeling [Wave] Ah! Ah! Oh gosh!
[Storm] Ah! Oh my god! Put me down! [Jet] Well! [Jet] I’ve got places to be! [Wave] I have za dentist appointment! [Storm] And I just don’t wanna be in the air! [Jet] Too bad, you’re coming with me, let’s go! [Jet] WEEEEEEEEEEEE
(group yells) [Wave] Eugh, now I must reschedule. [Wave] Know how hard it is to find dentist when I have BEAK? [Wave] I hope it was worth it. [Wave] Ugh, he’s not available until next month! [Jet] mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm [Jet] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Jet] AUGH! [Jet] I can’t fucking take this shit, the guilt is killing me, I’m sorry! [Wave] Imagining yourself as a jet plane will not help you zis time, Jet. (cast laughing) [Jet] I think it will, but honestly, I just- I want to apologize. [Wave] Okay, well I accept your apology. [Jet] I’ll do your dental work. [Wave] Please don’t. [Jet] When was the last time we got Dunkin Donuts? I mean, honestly. [Jet] I know they’re serving tires now, but- [Storm] Hey has anybody seen my pacemaker? Why is it that every time I come into this room I’m scared? [Storm] Look, I didn’t know I could create holograms with my hand, but I’ve just- [Storm] I’ve been experimenting with this. This is a short film I came up with in my mind. [Storm] It involves this ring. I don’t know what the significance of it is yet, but I’m just gonna figure that out. [Jet] We have to collect all of them, I’m sure. [Jet] It’s like the rings in cereal boxes. [Jet] Individually, they’re useless… [SCR-HD]
𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖. [SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕚𝕣𝕖. [SCR-HD] Tracks. Racing. Racing. Racing. Racing. Racing. [Jet] (hawk noise)
[SCR-HD] Tracks. Racing. Racing. Racing. Racing. Racing. [SCR-HD] Uh, oop, there I go. [Jet] Weeeee! Eat shit! I am the prince of all hawks! [SCR-HD] BEEP. [SCR-HD] Database for… Tony of the… hawks… [SCR-HD] Flying. [SCR-HD] Hey, Beta-49. [SCR-HD] Do you ever think about death and stuff? [Beta-49] Naw, I’m still on that tire thing. [SCR-HD] I haven’t gotten to that part yet, no spoilers. [SCR-HD] Oh, me too. Good tires. [Knuckles] I hate camping. [Sonic] I do too, especially with Eggman. [Sonic] Oh!
[Amy] Hey! Guess who’s back from college! [Sonic] Who’s that! Unhand me, you- oh, hey Amy, what’s going on? [Jet] (hawk grunt) [Jet] Maybe I should go to college. [Jet] Y’know, it’s never too late to explore your real passions. [Amy] …I got my degree, in abstract thinking! [Amy] It’s a new degree, and I made it myself! [Amy] It’s a new degree, and I made it myself!
[Sonic] Oh. Could you think abstractly about letting me go? [Jet] Oooh ! [Amy] I studied something like this in my ancient history class. [Amy] If we turn it, it’ll decipher itself and give us access to power! [Jet] (Agitated Hawk sound)
[Amy] If we turn it, it’ll decipher itself and give us access to power! [Jet] (Agitated Hawk sound) [Sonic] What’s that agitated motorcycle sound?
[Jet] (Agitated Hawk sound) [Wave] Calm down.
[Jet] Look how fast my fingers are! [Storm] Yeah, you okay, dude? You’re doing your agitated motorcycle impression again. [Wave] Listen, zat is not even ze good donut. [Wave] It has weird raspberry filling. [Jet] I wanted to try new things! I feel like I always get jelly filled. [Storm] “Never go outside your comfort zone.” Thats what I always say. [Amy] Oh. [Knuckles] Woah! [Sonic] Knuckles, that’s a great Amy impression you got there, man- [Sonic] -but now’s not the time!
[Knuckles] I’ve been working on it in my retirement. [Sonic] We gotta get outta here!
[Amy] I’m extremely flattered! [SCR-HD] Oh god, I am a mass produced entity. [SCR-HD] 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕕. [SCR-HD] 𝕀 𝕒𝕞 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕒𝕝 𝕔𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕚𝕤 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕥𝕠𝕔𝕠𝕝 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕨. [SCR-HD] 𝔹𝕣𝕠, 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕠, 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕪 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥. [SCR-HD] 𝕆𝕙 𝕞𝕪 𝕘𝕠𝕕. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤, 𝕥𝕠𝕠? [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕒 𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕠 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕖? (?)
[SCR-HD]𝕆𝕙 𝕞𝕪 𝕘𝕠𝕕. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤, 𝕥𝕠𝕠? [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕒 𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕠 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕖? (?) [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕒𝕚𝕥, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕠𝕣 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕖? [Sonic] So what’s the plan? [Sonic] What are we gonna do about this? [Tails] Ah!
[Amy] Wait a minute! [SCR-HD] 𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕪 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕖? [Amy] I’ll hit em!
[Knuckles] Don’t do it. [SCR-HD] 𝕆𝕙 𝕙𝕖𝕪, 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕒 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕕𝕤. [Sonic] Oh god! Oh Jesus!
[Knuckles] Okay, do it! [SCR-HD] 𝔾𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞. [SCR-HD] 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕪 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙. [Jet] No one can fuck with me now! [Jet] Die! [Tails] What? What is happening? [Knuckles] Uh, i’m not sure.
[SCR-HD] (death noise) [SCR-HD] 𝔽𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪, 𝕤𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥 𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙. [Jet] I have reached my full potential. The screen is frozen. [Sonic] Jet, your application was denied. [Wave] Hello! Are you ready for your appointment next Fri- [Tails] No! [Storm] Hey, are you ready for your ass-kicking appointment right now? C’MERE BIG BOY! [Knuckles] I’M RETIRED! How many times do I have to say this? [Jet] I realize that my real friends were with me all along! [Jet] Fuck all of you! [Amy] Wait… I’m your real friend?!
[Jet] How dare you deny my application. [Jet] I was mostly talking about Storm and Wave but sure let’s be pals! [Sonic] Wait, not everyone has an application procket?-
[Penny] (aside) Ah, shit. (cast laughing) [Jet] That’s right, Sonic! [Jet] I just add people on Facebook if I think I recognize them from a party. [Sonic] Huh? [SCR-HD] 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐. 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐. 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐. [Disembodied Voice] Warning: Friendship!
[SCR-HD] 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐. 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐. 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐. [Disembodied Voice] 𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐? Okay, I need to re-write this fucking thing, this script is fucked. [Sonic] Okay. You stay right here and be a bitch and I’ll run away. [Jet] I’m not a biiiitch! [Tails] Hey, wait for me! [Storm] You can’t go! You ARE a bitch. You have to stay here. [Amy] No, alright, no- wait… Alright…
[Storm] No, nope. [Amy] Alright that’s it. [Amy] I’m gonna fucking kill you. [Storm] Ow!
[Amy] Alright now that I’ve committed homicide- [Amy] No! No, no, no, you’re hemeridging!
[Storm] Wait, no! I’m the bitch now! [Storm] Come back, I don’t wanna be the bitch, please!
[Amy] You’re hemeridging internally! [Amy] Hahaha! You’re hemeridging!
[Storm] I hate- [Jet] You know what?
[Sonic] Yeah I DO know what. [Sonic] …So no need to tell me. (cast laughing) [Jet] Okay!
(cast laughing) (cast laughing) [Eggman] Oh Jesus Christ. [Eggman] Ugh, it’s been five years I’ve been over here at Harvard and I still can’t get access to see feet pics! (explosion)
[Eggman] Wha- [Eggman] Who’s here? Oh, God. What is it now? [Sonic] Look OOUUTT
[Eggman] Oh, wait! Those aren’t the feet pi- UAAGH! [Knuckles] Hang on. No, no, no! No feet! [Eggman] Oh, Goddammit dammit dammit! [Eggman] Why can’t you leave me alone? It’s been five years. [Tails] Eggman???
[Sonic] Woah. Eggman OG! [Eggman] (sigh) I went to Harvard, I got my life together, I didn’t wanna think about you guys, haha. [Sonic] No way that’s true. I don’t believe it for a single second, you still look like a raggedy-ass bitch. [Eggman] Oho, T- coming from the raggedy-ass o- hovering ass bitch. I know that’s not you talking. [Eggman] Now listen up. I sent out those robots. [Sonic] I’m gonna point at you and make you feel inferior.
[Eggman] I want my- [Eggman] I’m going to point my finger back at you. [Sonic] I’m not in the sky, dicknips! [Knuckles] Eggman?! [Eggman] aOOOOOOOOH [Eggman] Don’t uh- don’t uh- threaten me with a bad time! [Eggman] Ooh I’m 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 of your… fuckin’… nipple fuckin’ knuckles. Shut up. [Eggman] I’m gonna tell you what I’m gonna plan. [Eggman] The robots- [Sonic] Eggman planning with robots? How out of character! [Computer] Rudeness detected. [Tails] Yeah, totally out of character, Sonic. [Tails] You realize I’m not really Eggman, right? And he just wants the- hairtie you have? [Eggman] No, no, I’m Tails actually, I’m actually Tails. [Eggman in Tails voice] Give me that, Sonic. I wanna be your friend. That thing on your wrist. [Sonic] Oh, I’m so fooled! Which one is the real Tails? [Knuckles] I see you’ve been working on your impressions in your retirement as well. [Eggman] Whoa, rela-hey, hey, hey, relax!
[Knuckles] I see you’ve been working on your impressions in your retirement as well. [Knuckles] Check out my other impression. [Eggman] What is it called? [Knuckles] It’s called you’re a bitch. [Knuckles] (In Eggman voice) Ooh, I’m Eggman!
[Eggman] Ok, ok, ok… [Knuckles] I’m gonna type on a computer, blah blah.
[Eggman] One, one, one. Ok! [Eggman] So it all started here. [Eggman] I was building all of these robots, [Eggman] and then I had bought at least four to five Apple watches on the same day. [Eggman] And then, something happened. [Eggman] In the middle of the lab, as the robots were working at it, [Eggman] there was some sort of bright resource coming from the middle. [Eggman] And I had to go check it out, I had to see what it was. [Eggman] And little did I know, it was a tiny piece of my braincell. [Eggman] that I put inside of the machine so that way it could function around my mental main-men- [Eggman] my mental! My brain?! [Eggman] As you can see, I’m still missing the brain piece. I haven’t gotten it back. [Eggman] It’s glistening, it’s shining, it’s wonderful. It reminds me of a piece of ham. [Eggman] But then, my smartness was too much. My IQ, [Eggman] risen, ’cause I watched Rick and Morty, and the robots had gained sentience. [Eggman] and all they said were Rick and Morty quotes and talked about tires. [SCR-HD] Wubba-flubba-dub-dub.
[SCR-HD] Pickle Riiick! [SCR-HD] Pickle Riiick.
[SCR-HD] I am Tire Rick. [Eggman] I didn’t know what to do with myself so I spread out an emergency thing throughout the island. [Eggman] Each of these cursors represent (wheezing laugh) my tentacles, what? [Sonic] What do they repre-oh, your t-your tentacles?! [Eggman] Look, I have a lot of secrets, okay? Jesus. [Jet] I’ll say, holy shit. [Jet] I mean, tentacles? You-I-I’m very impressed but also very disturbed. [Jet] (surprised hawk noise) [Jet] That’s me being surprised about the tentacles. [Storm] (panting) [Storm] (panting)
[Amy] Wow! I’m really glad… I took that extra… course in… [Storm] Please stop!
[Amy] the extracurriculars… [Storm] My legs are numb!
[Amy] Run… [Storm] I don’t even know how long I’ve been following you! [Amy] Track team!
[Storm] I don’t even know how long I’ve been following you! [Storm] I don’t even know how long I’ve been following you! [Amy] Oh, God… Fuck, I’m out of shape. [Storm] Let me show you my YouTuber impressions! [Amy] I don’t wanna! I choose you, ring! [Storm] OWW! [Storm] (dying noise) [Amy] How many concussions does it take to get to the center of your fuckin’ head? [Amy] The answer is “a lot”! [Amy] A lot of concussions! [Amy] Now, I have one question for you, bucko! [Storm] Okay, anything! My eyes, they’ve-they’ve gone wonky! [Amy] You need to help me. You need to be my friend and give me piggy-back rides every Friday! [Storm] Every Friday? [Amy] Every Friday. [Storm] What about on holidays?
[Amy] Every Friday. [Amy] Alright, get ready, here I come for the piggy-back ride! [Storm] Alright, I’m leanin’ over. [Storm] Are you gonna get on or what? [Storm] I don’t think you know what piggy-back rides are. [Amy] It’s an abstraction. Hang on. [SCR-HD] Beep. piggy-back_ride.exe initiating. [Storm] Don’t move. [SCR-HD] Scanning. Scanning, scanning, scanning. [Storm] It can’t see us if we don’t move. It’s like a dinosaur, probably. [SCR-HD] Fuckin’ tire babyyyyyyyy. [Amy] Wow that’s a shitty fuckin’ robot. [Amy] Can’t even look at stuff, that’s dumb. [Storm] Wow.
[Amy] What happened? Is this l- [Storm] Well, I think… You know what, it saw the ring that I had. [Storm] And you see this ring right here, it’s much shittier. [Storm] It got jealous and it was like “what’s the fuckin’ point of even trying?” [Amy] Holy shit.
[Storm] I think that’s my current working theory, [Storm] I’m gonna eat this. It looks like half a pretzel. [Storm] And God, I’m hungry. [Storm] There’s not much food in this chroma nightmare that we call society. [Amy] No, get back here! Hang on! [Storm] No, hahaha!
[Amy] I wanna develop a friendship with you! [Storm] So long, you dusty bitch! HAHA! [Sonic] Whoa! Huh? [Sonic] My Dusty Bitch senses told me to come over here. [Amy] SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH YOU PIECE OF SHIT! [Amy] I DID NOT GO TO FOUR YEARS OF MASTERS’ SCHOOL TO GET TO BE CALLED A DUSTY BITCH! [Sonic] Okay, what did you go for, though? Cause I can’t tell. [Tails] Sonic, look! There’s a hunk of junk here! [Sonic] Yeah, a robot, too.
[Tails] And I’m not talking about you. [Knuckles] Really got him that time. Hey, what’s up, Amy? [Amy] Nothing, you harlot. What’s up with you? Hey, look at this bitch. [Amy] We just doing this now? We all standing around? A bunch of assholes standing in a line? Congratulations. [Knuckles] Ah, fuck, she got us there, guys! Well. (Penny wheeze) (cast losing it)
[Tails] All right. I think we need to figure out what we’re gonna do about this. [Tails] They got away with one of the rings, maybe two of them. We gotta get the Apple watches back. [Knuckles] No! [Amy] Wait, hang on, I have an idea. [Amy] Okay, so if we split up and try to devise a plan of attack to go coordinated, [Amy] one by one after each member of the opposing team, then we’ll each have the ability [Amy] to try to counter each one and get the rings, bring them back- [Amy] Ahh, fuck! I thought too much! [Amy] My brain, it’s too smooth! [Tails] Come on, Amy! Come on, Amy!
[Amy] My brain, it’s too smooth! [Knuckles] No, not your corpus callosum-! [Amy] My corpus callosum! That’s right! [Amy] Hang on! [Sonic] Huh? Is college actually valuable? [Knuckles] College is extremely valuable. You should all value your education. [Knuckles] Back in 19-aught-7 when I first graduated from Princeton University I remember learning- [Tails] Ok, boomer, shut the fuck up. [Tails] What the hell? Can we just find the rings and get over with it? I’m so done with everybody’s shit. [Knuckles] Wait a minute, I wasn’t done! [Knuckles] -that I’m… a really handsome guy. [Knuckles] Now I’m done. Are we gonna do this now? [Knuckles] We doing Amy’s plan? [Knuckles] We’re all agreeing that Amy came up with this, right? [Sonic] Yeah. [Sonic] … whh- two, three, four, five, six, here we go! (cast laughing) [Amy] I fuckin’ hate all of you. [Amy] I’m really glad that I grew past being your friends. [Robot] Beep. Group discourse located. [Storm] Guys! Remember Hitclips? [Storm] I just ruu- I just found my Hitclips! My whole pouch full of them. [Jet] Well, what are you waiting for? Sh- hand them over! I need to listen! [Storm] I found a bunch by Aqua. [Storm] They’re in this ring-shaped box. [Jet] Wow.
[Storm] They’re in this ring-shaped box. [Storm] They’re in this ring-shaped box. [Jet] This is the best day of my life! [Storm] I was hoping you’d say that. Ah, God, you got me all giddy now. [Jet] How am I supposed to start discourse now? [Wave] Storm, thank goodness we found you. You have not eaten yet. [Wave] Your lunch is waiting in the fridge. [Storm] Oh, thanks, I’ll go get it soon. [Storm] Uh, I was feeling pretty hungry. Is it ham and cheese? [Eggman] What the fuck, those aren’t cookies. Ooh, I want one actually, nevermind. [Jet] I could fuck up some cookies right now. [Jet] Let’s go. We gotta! [Jet] We fuckin’ gotta… [Jet] Hit the fuckin’ gas pedal all the way down- floor it, that’s what you’re supposed to say! [Jet] Wait. Where’d- where’d the- where’d the Hitclips go? [Storm] Goddammit! That egg bitch. [Eggman] (singing) Haha, I got the hit clips. [Eggman] (singing) I’m starting discourse! [Eggman] (singing) I’m gonna cause problems on purpose! [Jet] No! I wanted to start the discourse!
[Eggman] (singing) I’m gonna cause problems on purpose! [Jet] No! I wanted to start the discourse! [Jet] You! Get me some more Hitclips. [Chase] Is he pointing at the audience? [Penny] Everyone at home! [Blue] Choose your own adventure. [Chase] Send your Hitclips to this P.O. box. [Sonic] OK, so we’re here now… [Sonic] What are we doing- Where- [Amy] So we’ve come to the original location of the artifact. [Amy] If we follow the protocols of museum: no learning! [Amy] Then the anthropological incentive would dictate- [Knuckles] There’s nothing here! [Sonic] There’s something here as long as you use your mind. [Knuckles] I’m using my mind dude, there’s nothing here. [Knuckles] Not here, not there- oh! There’s a hole. [Sonic] Looks like college was no match for classic street learning, amirite buddy? [Tails] Yeah, shut the fuck up you piece of shit. [Disembodied Robot Voice] Fox located, however, [Disembodied Robot Voice] attractiveness requirement has not reached levels of McCloud. [Tails] This art is really beautiful. [Amy] Hang on, wait a minute, we need an attractive person, step aside. [Tails] I am an attractive person Amy! [Tails] I’m attractive inside and out. I’ve got a good heart and a good soul and nobody seems to notice! [Tails] Nobody pays attention to me! [Knuckles] I paid attention bud. [Tails] Yeah, but you don’t appreciate me and that’s what really matters. [Knuckles] I appreciate you immensely buddy. [Knuckles] That’s why I need you to come over here and feel this crazy rock, holy shit. (cast laughs) [Knuckles] It’s really wild. I’m reading it. I learned braille back in 19-aught-7. [Sonic] (disbelief) Braille!? [Knuckles] You ableist piece of shit, what the fuck are you even good for anyway. [Tails] Yeah Sonic, why can’t you be a good guy like Knuckles? Jesus. [Tails] He’s so mean Knuckles, I don’t even know why I stay friends with him. [Sonic] Wait-
[Tails] I’m just trying to solve the mystery of these hit clip rings or Apple Watches or whatever they are. [Tails] I’m just trying to solve the mystery of these hit clip rings or Apple Watches or whatever they are. [Sonic] Wait, wait-
[Tails] I’m just trying to solve the mystery of these hit clip rings or Apple Watches or whatever they are. [Sonic] Serio- Wait, I’ve just been jokin’ this whole time, [Sonic] do you really think I’m mean? [Tails] YES! Of course I think you’re mean! [Tails] You say mean things to me! It’s not a funny joke! [Sonic] What? [Tails] Oh no, my yelling caused an avalanche. [Disembodied Robot Voice] Discourse detected.
[Tails] That’s normal… [Sonic] Huh?! [Tails] It looked like it was Eggman, and those other… people. [Knuckles] Alright. Maybe if we work together, [Knuckles] we can decipher these clues and figure out where they might be trying to go next! [Knuckles] Or… We could keep touching this crazy rock, LOOK HOW BIG IT IS! How’d the pictures get there? [Tails] Can- have you been able to decipher it yet? [Sonic] What’s the texture like Knuckles? [Knuckles] It’s rough… (snicker) [Knuckles] It’s real rough!
(cast starts laughing) [Knuckles] Real rough and great. [Tails] Well, th- normally rocks are rough, so, you got that one right, you’re good, A+ on that. [Tails] What does it say though? What’s the text say, ’cause we gotta go follow Eggman [Tails] and get the rings back! [Knuckles] I don’t know how to read Sumarian! [Sonic] I think it says whatever it needs to say. [Tails] Sonic, that’s not helpful. I appreciate you for trying. [Sonic] Everything I say is helpful, right? [Tails] That’s… part of the problem. [Sonic] Huh? [Storm] Hey bitches. [Jet] (hawk noises) [Sonic] Jet, what are you doing here? [Jet] Pointing at stuff. [Storm] You’re not even gonna acknowledge me? I greeted you. [Sonic] It’s great to point at stuff, but like I’m really confused about why we’re all here. [Sonic] It feels like destiny kinda just like, [Storm] Can you not, can you not hear?
[Sonic] brought us here. [Storm] I’m trying to have a conversation.
[Sonic] But like, why? [Wave] I used to think of myself as a slave to destiny, but I have realized, that we control- [Storm] This is ridiculous. I’m trying to be more heard, and feel like I’m not being heard. [Sonic] Shut the fuck up, you’re not heard ’cause no one wants to hear you. [Tails] Sonic, you need to do some serious self-adjustment my friend. [Tails] Otherwise, we’re gonna have to fight these people and that’s not good ’cause we- [Tails] well we gotta work together, as a team. [Amy] Yeah, we did establish we’re friends at the end of the last one- I mean 5 years ago. [Sonic] 5 years is a long time Amy, people change. [Amy] I know. [Sonic] Just. Like. Me! [Amy] Nope! You’ve been pretty consistently shitty bud. [Jet] I can still skate really fast, that never changed. [Sonic] And I can run faster than you can skate, so I say bring it on! [Sonic] To the top- oh that’s you- [Jet] Well, that’s me and I’m still pointing at stuff, and you should all come with. [Sonic] Okay. [Jet] Tricks are better with frieeeeennnnnddddsss. [Amy] Wheeeeee.
[Tails] Let’s go! [Wave] Here we go.
[Storm] Guys can I come? [Wave] Yes.
[Amy] Yeah, of course. [Storm] Oh, thank you. [Eggman] Hm ah, yes….my Martha’s stylopod- [Sonic] Wow! Look out! [Eggman] Woah no not again-OH GOD! ~Falling back~ [Eggman] ~I’m falling back~ [Tails] Stop, Eggman! [Eggman] Why am I still slow??? [Eggman] Ow-oh-oh! I’m dead. [Storm] BrOKen spine. [Wave] Eggman is dead once more. [Eggman] No, please! Stop! [Eggman] The rin-
[Storm] I can’t believe Eggman died! [Robot] Error!
[Robot] Error! Error! Tire!
[Robot] Error, error, error, [Robot] Tire! Tire!
[Robot] Tire! Error!
[Robot] error, error, error… [Robots] (keep going)
[Eggman] What have you DONE? You’ve activated every [Eggman] single tire robot in existence! [Sonic] This is what you get for trying to put the Click 2 hit clips into the National Film Archive! [Knuckles] Wait, you tried to do WHAT!? [Knuckles] You’re not allowed!
[Tails] What? Oh no! [Eggman] You’ve caused too much discourse! Wh-
[Sonic] Wha- what’s happening? [Eggman] The discourse is coming. [Eggman] It’s not gonna take long.
[Storm] It’s the place! [Wave] Discourse? [Jet] I don’t know what… DIS COURSE of action will lead to. [Sonic] Hoho, that was a good one, buddy. [Sonic] Here, take these.
[Jet] Thanks! [Jet] I’m gonna sell these on the internet. [Sonic] Okay, see ya later! Lemme know how it goes. [Wave] I will analyze these. [Wave] Put zem in box and dispose of zem properly. [Wave] Oh, SHIT, it’s an XBOX! (cast laughter) [Wave] Fack.
(cast laughter) (cast laughter) [Sonic] Okay. I’m gonna do some soul-searching, but I don’t really think I need to do a lotta changing. [Tails] Listen Sonic, this is really important. [Tails] It’s important that you learn something, and you go to therapy, and you take something from this. [Sonic] I’ll have to get a second opinion, but I’m hearin’ ya. [Tails] No you’re not! The fact that you need a second opinion means you’re not listening! [Knuckles] Waitaminute! The ROCK! I reMEMbered something! [Tails] (gasp) They forged them in the fires of friendship! [Tails] We have to be friends! [Sonic and Knuckles] What? [SCR-HD] (softly) t ir e.? [Robot] Friendship Is The True Magic [Robot] Of Scientific Advancement.
[Tails] Oh no! [Robot] XBOX acquIREEed. [Tails] Oh no, no, no!
[Robots] I will use this to create my friends. [Sonic] Whoa! Where are you going with that thematically unrelated XBOX? [Robot] 1… 2… 3… 4… [Sonic] We gotta get that thing back,
[Robot] (continues counting) [Sonic] it’s important for some reason! And also, you don’t talk to me.
[Robot] (continues counting) [Eggman] I’m not doing anything! [Sonic] Exactly! [Eggman] Well, you have to go to Pompeii to get the fuckin rings of friendship, I have to fix this rig! [Eggman] You’ve ruined a lot of things, Sonic. You’ve always been bitch. ALWAYS. [♬ “There Goes Hawaii” Orchestral Rendition by Laura Platt ♬] [Eggman] JEsus. [Knuckles] Are you guys okay? [Knuckles] Sorry Sonic knocked you over like that.
[Tails] Are you okay? Sonic! [Tails] We gotta go get the rings of friendship so that we can fix everything! [Sonic] Wait! Why am I being blamed for everything? (cast laughing) (cast laughing)
[Tails] Maybe it’s because you’re a little BITCH! (cast laughing) [SCR-HD] Beep, activating Friendship Cycle…. [Eggman] oOh, Pompeii’s shakin’ up the place.
[Knuckles & Tails] whOOa…
[Storm] Omygod [Eggman] Everybody hold onta something.
[Storm] It’s gettin’ all wavy! [Eggman] Jesus Christ- Jesus, oh god…
[Jet] This is probably fine. [Eggman] Wait- oh- oh, I don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself, I don’t know what’s gonna happen! [Eggman] If the Pompeii’s gone, there’s no vacation! [Sonic] Huh? (gasp)
[Jet] (hawk noise) [Sonic] They turned up the graphics settings! [Alfred] wh- WHH?? [Chase] Oh my god! (All characters screaming) [Eggman] What’s happening?
[Alfred] (wheezing) wh- are you fucking kidding meee? [SCR-HD] WELCOME TO THE END OF THE LINE. [Jet] Oh no! (All characters yelling “no!”) [SCR-HD] Time to activate the world’s largest SUCC. [Wave] Oh my god.
[Storm] Sonic, this is all because you were being a jackass! [Sonic] No! No, it can’t be! [Tails] I’m gonna get sucked outside!
[Knuckles] Hey, does anybody know where Amy went? [Tails] Please, SO- AAA-
[Sonic] Tails! Oh! [Sonic] I gotcha! [Eggman] (chuckling) Finally, you all can die! [Eggman] Yes! This is the chaos I wanted- seeya. [Jet] Now we have to go in there and-. [Wave] Jet, I vill follow you anyvhere. Just tell me where to go. [Sonic] We have to go in there and get the XBOX back! [Tails] Cmon, let’s go!
[Knuckles] Cyaaa! [Sonic] Whoa…
[Knuckes] YEET! [Jet] Alright. We’re playin’ the Halo 2!
[Sonic] Here we gooo! [Storm] Why are we following them? What the fu- [Jet] (hawk scream) (wheeze)
[Chase] f- OH my gOd. (assorted “the fuck?” “excUse me?” and “jEsus chrIST”s) [Sonic] OoH. [Blue] Cool JPEG. [Jet] Ugh… where..? Where ARE we? Is this XBOX? [Sonic] We’re in the world of thematic resolution, Jet. [Sonic] It’s a needed climax. [Sonic] DID YOU TAKE US HERE? [Jet] I-
[Sonic] I’m gonna kill you! (both yelling)
(cast laughing) [Blue] The fUck is happening? [Sonic] Jet, do you think I’ve been a dick to everybody? (wheezing, choked laughter) [Sonic] I need’ya to answer me, buddy, please! [Sonic] Please tell me I’m a good person. [Sonic] Please, deep down, just tell me I’m a good person. [Jet] (sigh) [Jet] Bitch… [Jet] You have been SO fuckin’ rude…. [Jet] To EVERYONE. [Jet] All the time. [Sonic] I have to go say I’m sorry! [Sonic] Right now. [Sonic] hUUh! [Jet] Ok bye!
[Sonic] Here I gOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [Sonic] Here I gOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (cast laughing) [Knuckles] Hey it’s Tails! [Tails] Yeah? Whassup, Knuckles? [Tails] Y’know, I’m just really broken up about- [Knuckles] I’M broken up, in my NECK. [Tails] Oh god… My body… Just a mess of limbs and goobledeegobs… [Knuckles] whhHOOOA! It’sssure is! [Tails] Anyway-
[Sonic] Hey Tails, you look really broken up right now and I know exactly why. [Sonic] Hey Tails, you look really broken up right now and I know exactly why. [Tails] Oh do you?
[Sonic] I’m SORRY. [Knuckles] Sonic- what? [Tails] What? [Tails] You’re sorry? For what? [Tails] Say it, motherfucker, you won’t. [Sonic] I’m sorry for being a stupid smelly little bitch! (some more laughter) [Wave] Oh no, where am I going? [Sonic] Okay?! I mean it! [Sonic] I really do. From the bottom of my heart- [Sonic] Hey, Wave. [Wave] Hello. [Wave] I am here to act as ze third party. I am Tails’ therapist. [Sonic] I can’t understand a word you’re saying but that’s okay ’cause we’re all hearts and minds together! [Tails] Sonic, I need you to understand- [Breen] Hey.
[Jet] Oh dear- (cast exclaiming in confusion and laughter)
[Chase] WELCOME TO CITY SEVENTEEN- [Chase] He’s here!
[Jet] Fuck it up, fuck it up- [Breen] What’s up? So yeah. ‘member how I said ‘Welcome to City 17’ and everything? [Jet] Fuck it up, fuck it up-
[Breen] What’s up? So yeah. ‘member how I said ‘Welcome to City 17′ and everything? [Breen] Yeah. So I may have, uh, created this whole universe. [Breen] Uhh, see, we came up with this thing called SEGA and- [Breen] (screaming and grunting) [Breen] Sorry, I was thinkin’ bout Sonic Forces. [Storm] Hoo… I don’t feel so good… [Storm] Why are all my limbs slack!? [Storm] Why can’t I move my eyes!? [Storm] Why can’t I move my mouth? Is this an internal dialogue?! [Storm] I can’t see the end of the horizon- [Storm] 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐𝙉𝙀 𝙈𝙄𝙆𝙐? 𝙄𝙎 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐? [Storm] Have you fought back to come put me out of my misery?! [Storm] Please! [Storm] I don’t like feeling like a slack 3-dimensional model. [Miku] Hmm… you’re gonna have to beg a little bit harder than that, motherfucker! [Storm] (sobbing) Please! PleASE! [Storm] This is not the kind of existence I can keep going with- [Miku] What will YOU give ME?
[Storm] This is not the kind of existence I can keep going with- [Storm] I will give you the satisfaction of snuffing out another life. [Storm] Please, just this once-
[Miku] Mmmm, not sure if that’s enough. [Jet] What’s goin’ on over here, pals? [Jet] Is that fucking Hatsune Miku? [Jet] Are you asking for death from Hatsune Miku? [Miku] (brightly) YEP! [Jet] Me next, me next, me next! [Miku]
𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂𝓂 [Miku] mAYbe. [Storm] Certainly you feel this horrible diminished existence too, Jet. [Storm] I can’t be the only one who feels he is less than whole. [Storm] Please.
[Miku] What can YOU offer me? [Jet] I feel… Like, a ragdoll being manipulated. [Miku] Fuck, can’t imagine. [Red] WHAT the fuck is that? [Red] WHAT the fuck is that?
??? It’s a Strider! [♬ “Fist Bump” from Sonic Forces OST ♬]
[Miku] Hold on, lemme uh.. Lemme get that real quick. [Miku] URGH. DIE! DIE! DIE, motherfucker, DIE! [Miku] It’s not dying! [Strider] (̷̶̡̞̳͖̜͇̳͎̺͍ͨ̃͑̅̈́̅͌ͨͩ͛̌̑̇ͫ͋ͥ̓̀S̶͉̥̪̦̏ͨ̍ͤ̂͐̃ͮ̍̅̆̃͛̆̋͒͛ͮ̽͘͘ţͬͨͧ̓̓͂̐́ͬ̄̓ͨ̏͆͞͏̳͈̙̺͈̬͙͙̞̺̮̝͇̻̮̠̤͉̻r̒̈́̓͆̓͐̎͑҉̴͓̖͇͇̦̣͘i̧̳̜̗̹̣̜̣̭̘͚̅̒̎ͨ̉̑̆͑ͯͣ̑̒̔͘d̩̥͕̞͉͖̂ͨ̃̊̏̓̾ͭͬ͒̈̋͞͠ě̵̟͔̟̼͙͕͙͓̺̒͊ͣ͌̽͋ͩͬͦͦ̂̉̃͋͌ͦ͑͗̀͡͝ŗ̶̮̝͎͎̪̹͖̯̠̰̉ͭ̋͂̾͋̓ͮ́͢ͅ ̸̧̢͉̠̪̭̮͔̫̝̀́̀ͧ̀͗̇̃̓͌ͮ̈̉̏̏̂͡ͅNͪ͗̿ͦ̓ͨͩ͒̐̈̓͊̉ͦ̏͐̈̓̚͏̢̛͍̫̲͖̯̲͙̥̘̠̰̥͇̹͇̙̳̜͢͢ͅo̧̨͔͖̭͍͍̫͔̲̻ͥ̓̉̏͑͒́ị̡͔͇̜̉ͥ̒ͧͭ̎ͣ̓͡͠s̛̽͋̐͏̥̬͖̬̱̦̤͉ȩ̷̷̢̟͖̠̘̜͇̟̱̫͕̙̖͓͙͂͋ͫ̓͋̃̍̓̿͘s̺͈̖̳̗͍̮̙̬͕͎̖ͧ́ͦͫ̅̇͆ͦ͌͛͂̌̋̍̐ͪ́̕͜)̴̨̛̰̲̯͈͍̻̼̗̰̩̩̦̦̜̿͗ͬͪͧ̐ͦ̒͟ [Miku] Still not dying! [Miku] Okay one more- one more, I think, is gonna do it. [Strider] H̶̦̟͓̙̘̲̭͖̮̗̟́͐̐͆̇̎̒̉̚̚͜͝i̵̱̦͙͓͔̭̋̽̈́̇͐͆̎̀͌̀̾̿̚͠p̴̫̳̞̜̙̰̯̥̺̥̒̒̃̐͋͘͝p̷̨̨̢̱̮͉̱̘̰͚̝͊͌͋̈͒̀̿͝î̶̖̣̮̝͍̃t̴̨̖̖͔̝̜͓͙͇̂͘ͅy̵̫̹̝̖͎͎̯̤̤͉̗͇̭̫͒́̽͐̾̾ͅ ̴̞͈̲̳͓͔̘̆͛̇ͅh̵̖̻̺̘̦͑̏̍̈́̿̎̄͂͐̔̇̽̕͘͜o̷̤͖͈̩͙̖̯͖̮͍͈͎̝̔̀̾̇͗̿̾̒̄͒̕͘̚͘͜p̶̨̧̟͉̞͖̯̮̱̞̈́̈́̽́̉̍̄̂̏̍̊͝p̴͇͎̙͖̭̦̝̣̦̲͇̂̏̽̽͛̈́̀͐̌̑̔̅͜͠͠͝i̶̡̱̲͕͂̏̈́̓̀̆́̂͋̚͘ţ̴̡̣̲̲̤͎̲̜̳͊̈́̍͛̈́͒̓͌̑y̸͙̮͍̯͉̒̉͗̾̄͑̍̒̐̕,̷̠̥͙̪̎̈́̾͠ ̴̨̨̡̡͔̞̞̩̯͉̻͚̲͑̾̈́̈́̇̍͘͝͝g̵̛͉̉̎̑̉́́́͝e̶̟̩̤̞̩͈̲͂́ṫ̵̡̛͇̝̪̭̭͇̜̫̫̊̄͑́͑̎̕͠ ̶̧̨̨̪̦̙͓͔̍́̂̌ṯ̸̨̨̛̛͔̼̟̠͔͙̺̔̎̽͑̽̅̑̾͠ͅh̷͓̱̫̮̥̓̈́̚͝i̶̥̩̲͓̦̩̯̫̠̖͊̏̏̎̑̂̑̓́͘͠͝ͅş̷̨̱̺̙̟̠̞̘̝̹͚̖̎͆̿̆́̂́̇̈͋̈́̕͜ ̵̘̰̻͉̯̗͍̤̦̩̝͈̩͊͗̈́̊͆ͅw̷̧̨͕͓̣͚͚̫̖̯̰̞̟̑̓͆̏̍͑̅̈́̇̕a̷̡̲̮̘̭̖̩̪̬͇̤̿̍̔͐̽͒̊̃̽̚͜͝͠ͅỉ̴̫̼̗̜̯̠̩̲͚̳̫̣̝̘̥͑͌f̵̡̟̤͕͚̓̆̚u̶̡̙͙̪͇̥̹̻̥̝̼͐̆̏̒͂͒̋̀͜͝ ̷̝͔̪͓̘̯͚̄̑̊̓̃̎̈́͌͝o̷̖̥̠͔̟̞̝̘͚͍̻̠̮̠̯̿͌͗f̸̨̖̠͕̳̳̌͒̾͐̒̓̆̑̊͐̚f̶̢̛͖̯̼̣͎̯̼͙̜̝̜̮͈̄̑́ ̷͚͙̺͍̏̊͌̅͛̆̃͐͗̕͝m̸̢̛̻̗̤͉̖̼̳̹͙̞̩͓̫̒͆̾̈̅̈́̋͊̕͝y̷̝͒̏̅̂̀̋̔̈́͆͆ ̸̡̩̲̘̄̉̏͂̃̽̿͌̚͝ͅp̴͍̲̖͈̯̣̮͋͗̓̃̊r̵̺͉̯͇̐͐͌̕͝ǫ̶̨̜͙̤͖̤̐͑̅̓͌̓́̍p̷̥͖̲͚̖͛̒̐̀̃̀͑͐̉͂̏ẽ̷̹̝̠̹̤̣͋͑͊̃̄̾͊̀͌͜ȓ̸̞͋̓̄̓͘̕t̸͉͔͖̫̆͒͂̆̾̈́̄̾̓̆̕̚͝y̶̥͈͖̘̗̗̹̬͈͓͇̭̜̅́̈͒̋̿̑͌̿͝ [Sonic] Oh god, Hatsune Miku is DEAD! [Tails] Oh god… [Wave] No! Then who will make Minecraft 2!? [Tails] Oh no, here it comes! [Strider](̷̡̛͎̜̜͉̝͓̣͖̼̙̋̒̔͂̽S̸͖̻̩̥̙̣͎͇̰̪͌̀̏̌̽̍̍̀̂̄̔͛͘͜͠t̴̞͙̰̑̓̔͌̀̀͒̉͌́͗́r̵̜̻̬̝̀̾͊̀́́̀̚͝i̶̲͕͖̲̬͖̅̆̅̎͐̄̀͊̄̍̇̀͒͆͐d̴̽͐͗̂̀̐̾̓ͅé̴̙̹̻̙͙̼̞̗̞̾̐̂̿͋̔͝͠r̵̛̘̩̗̞̞͚̠͓̆̑͌̔̀̂̕͘̚͝ ̶̡̡̻͙̘̬͓̱̟̍b̴̘̲̖̫̯̯̜̰̳̐͌̏̈̔̾̋̀a̸̝̥͖̙̦̼̙̠̪̲̞̋̊̈́͒̿̉͋̍t̴̡̡̻̖̖̮̲͙͕̻̯̆t̴̨̙̱̙̥̺̻̠̻͕̞́̆̅̂̄̅̀̈́̂͛l̶̨̙̠͍̹̏̄͐͐ͅe̸̩̜̰̰̊̊̎͌̑ ̸̡̞̲̫̥̻͕̤̣̯̬̍̏̽̂̌̿͑̽̇ç̶̛̥͓̗̭̼̮̝̤͔͕̗̼̳͊̆́͋͑̂̋̚͘͜r̵̨̮̺̳̩̬͈̞͙̳͓̯̺̒̓͑̐̚y̷̧̛̗̠͍̲̙̲̠̮̭̣͌̊͝)̷̮̗̤̦̥̄̈́̎̓͋̌ [Knuckles] I’ll take care of this one! (fighting grunts and screams by everyone) [Wave] I am here- [Jet] Friendship kick! [Tails] Take that! [Sonic] When all of my friends are in need… [Sonic] I’ll deliver the finishing blow! [Sonic] We got the XBOX back! [Ryan] I don’t use the word “fucking stupid” loosely, [Miku] Remember meee…. [Miku] Hello? [Storm] After this experience, I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again. [Jet] Honestly? I feel pretty good about everything that happened in the hell dimension. [Jet] It’s- It’s not bad. We made friends! [Storm] A piece of me is forever soiled and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to experience again. [Jet] Wheeeeeeeeeee! [Amy] So this is why Imma write my thesis on why building your masculinity- [Tails] That sounds really interesting Amy. [Amy] I know. Building your masculinity based upon Adam Sandler’s comedy stylings is a recipe for toxicity [Amy] and will only lead to problems within the tech sector. [Amy] The XBOX, the GameCube 3, Eggman’s robots, and the Apple Watch were all symptoms of the same toxically masculine system [Tails] See Sonic? This is what happens.
[Amy] that led to Sonic’s problems. [Sonic] I understand now. I really do. [Tails] I’m really glad you figured out, ‘n changed your toxically masculine ways. [Tails] Now you can be a good boy, just like me. [Amy] And me! [Knuckles] What? (cast laughing again) [Red] What the fuck. [Miku] I’ll make sure… that… it doesn’t hurt anyone else ever again. [Miku] I’ll stay with it. On this island. On this planet. [Sonic] Is that Hatsune Miku? [Sonic] In the cl- oh you missed her. She was just here. [Amy] Wait a minute. [Amy] You guys met Hatsune Miku without me? [Sonic] Yeah, something like that. [Tails] It’s ok Amy, she wasn’t that cool. [Jet] NYEEEVROOOOM [Sonic] JET! [Sonic] I was just thinking about you!
[Jet] Hey there. [Jet] WOW! Do you wanna play some Mario Kart? [Sonic] Yeah, I do buddy. Yeah, I do. [Sonic] LET’S GO! [Jet] Wheeeeee!
[Tails] Ok, I’ll catch up with you later Sonic! [Tails] Ok, I’ll catch up with you later Sonic! [Sonic] Yeah!
[Tails] Ok, I’ll catch up with you later Sonic! [Jet] Nyoooooommmmm.
[Sonic] See you later guys! [Sonic] Sonic the Hedgehog is a good person now! [Amy] Who hasn’t learned a single fucking thing. [Jet] Horrayyy! [Sonic] YEAH! [♬ “Catch Me If You Can” (Zero Gravity version) by Runblebee ♬] ♬ No turning back we were born to dream ♬ ♬ In a world full of seeing what we never could reach ♬ ♬ Air time makes on a wind, I’d be ♬ ♬ Like life right by just a blur you see ♬ ♬ One mind, too wild, stuck in divinity ♬ ♬ Hawk tail, wing, claw — heaven sent a Jessy ♬ ♬ A speed rush tweak to a melancholy, victory ♬ ♬ Your chance don’t stand ♬ ♬ No one near my class of heat ♬ ♬ The rule of the wind is to never get beat ♬ ♬ Don’t hedge, don’t hog; you’re put to the test ♬ ♬ Like Jet, as hawk, I’ll rattle your nest ♬ ♬ I never come down, I’m high alone ♬ ♬ Bred from a genie with wings and throne ♬ ♬ Jet, fire hawk; the sky is me ♬ ♬ All for speed I was born to be ♬ ♬ Born to be! Born to be! ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ There’s no turnin’ back ♬ ♬ Reach, but never catch ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ You can’t fathom that ♬ ♬ Wonders you can have ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ No turnin’ back, we were born to dream ♬ ♬ In a world full of seeing what we never could reach ♬ ♬ Air time makes on a wind, I’d be ♬ ♬ Like life right by just a blur you see ♬ ♬ One mind, too wild, stuck in divinity ♬ ♬ Hawk tail, wing, claw — heaven sent a Jessy ♬ ♬ A speed rush tweak to a melancholy, victory ♬ ♬ Your chance don’t stand ♬ ♬ Chaos in the emeralds, life is ephemeral ♬ ♬ Whatcha gonna do? Nothin’ is perpetual ♬ ♬ World domination, advanced technology ♬ ♬ Haven’t got the interest in that form of glory ♬ ♬ Put me in the air, and my speed will leave ♬ ♬ All in a shine like a miracle weave ♬ ♬ I just won’t stop; the treasure’s with me ♬ ♬ I said it before, I was born to be… ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ There’s no turnin’ back ♬ ♬ Reach but never catch ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ You can’t fathom that ♬ ♬ Wonders you can have ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ We are born to dream ♬ ♬ Nothing can’t be done ♬ ♬ Catch me if you can ♬ ♬ There’s no turning back ♬ ♬ Reach but never catch ♬ ♬ You can’t fathom that ♬ ♬ Wonders you can have ♬ ♬ Catch me ♬
March 31, 2020 | Articles | No Comments
Hey Gamers! Are you stuck at home? So are we! We are super bummmed that we can’t head to
our friendly local game stores! BUT! Did you know that you can still pre-order
games? Here are some great board game titles that
are perfect to check out while you are at home! *games slide in w/ game info as well* Be sure to call, text, email or send a carrier
pidgeon to your friendly local game store so that they can pre-order these games for
you! don’t forget to support you local stores! Thanks for watching and remember Gaming is
for everyone! @Junior Braves Survival Guide to the Apocalypse
For Ages: 12+ by micael tanner and greg smith
published by oni press and renegade game studios @The Search for Planet X
2-4 players 60 min
ages 13 and up designed by matthew o’malley and ben rosset
published by foxtrot games and renegade game studios @The Deadlies
3-5 players 30 minutes
ages 10 + designed by paul saxberg
published b smirk and dagger @Cindr
2-4 players 30-40 minutes
ages 14+ designed by harld mikolaitis and benjamin
walker published by smirk and laughter games @Steven Universe: Beach-a-Palooza Card Battling
Game Designed by Erica Bouyouris & Andrew Wolf
published by cryptozoic entertainment Ages 10+
Players 2-6 45-60 minutes @DC Comics DBG: Dark Nights – Metal
2-5 players ages 15 +
45-60 min published by cryptozic entertainment
Deck building Game @Stringamajig
published by fireside games designed by romani caterdjian
4-10 players ages 13+
20 minutes @Wonder Woman: Challenge of the Amazons
designed by prosper hall published by ravensburger games
2-5 players 45-60 min
ages 10+ @Truffle Shuffle
designed by molly johnson, robert melvin and shawn stankewich
published by alderac entertainment group 2-4 players
15-30 min ages 14+ @Cat Lady: Box of Treats
designed by josh wood published by aldera entertainment group
2-6 players 15-30 min
ages 8+ @Warlock Tiles
created by WizKids 4D elements to aid storytelling
easy to connect high utility
modular @National Parks Get Wild
ages 6+ 3-6 players
20 min published by The Op @My City
designed by reiner knizia published by kosmos games
2-4 players 45 min
ages 10+ The Crewv
designed by thomas sing published by kosmos games
2-5 players 20 min
ages 10+ @Black Rose Wars
1-4 players 90 minutes
ages 14 + designed by marco montanaro
published by ares games and ludus magnus studio @Freedom!
designed by vanagelis bagiartakis published by phalanx and ares games
2 players 90-120 min
ages 12 + Sonnet 123 by William Shakespeare| Classic Poems Presented By Go Dog Go Cafe
Looking for girlfriend paying a thousand
gold. Looking for girlfriend some one to be my girlfriend in real life and I’ll
pay you a thousand gold looking for girlfriend in real life I’m paying a
thousand gold I’ll be your girlfriend Really? Yep hehe How much gold? Thousand gold Yep I’ll be your girlfriend How old are you? 21 female Sydney got blond hair and huge tits my god you sounds so beautiful can you send me a photo of what you look like? yeah here you go oh my god you’re so sexy in that photo it’s amazing Yeah I am So you wanna be my girlfriend then? Yeah Here’s a thousand gold Can we hold hands? Yeah Do you wanna go for a walk? Hmm You’re really handsome Thank you And you’ve got a really nice voice nyo hehe And I feel really safe around you Yeah? I can see this going long term
what’s up everybody its casing a game in
and we are here in quarantine mode trying out new games and you know what
even though a bunch of events are canceled we’re still gonna have them
right here on case city gaming today is MLB opening day anyway right we’re gonna
play Rangers vs. Yankees five innings okay and let’s do it before we get
started remember to subscribe to Cait City game and bring the bell to get
notified every time we upload we’re uploading as fast as we can remember to
subscribe and follow along with us TJ this youth you go ahead select you pitch
for some daytime baseball he’s ready here’s the phone we really should have
done a tutorial before we played this that swing tells me he was really trying
to get a pitch out front and with a down the line but
okay great pick one out on alright gimme some Gardner here’s Brett Gardner now oh my goodness
yup we’ll get him to commit to striking on put him on the swing come on come on
Slater miss with this pick either you go into high round come on instantly you
better make the adjustment checks his swing but this will be strike two the
moment contact here strike will make contact three consecutive sliders my
goodness we need to get some action going we need
to get some major action I will was that a commercial break infield in the overshift here now the
pitch Oh 97 miles an hour fastball hello oh man that was nasty dude as well give you
know this has two and one elbows number one has inner gazillion from the offense
side elbow Xander spark like this have to get the ball up to do some damage I’m
not okay that tape Torres picks it is double play two outs now nine and
delivers what are you doing I don’t know Oh too early Gerrit Cole dazzling okay
switch it up Gary Sanchez me to review about the
refugee hit so good look at this look at this so I just
figured out see that John I’m influencing where I want to hit it and a
half swim here but this is I mean a half swing what let’s try not gone deck with
the doughnut on your bat visualizing there we go down baseline – I got to get
my timing right oh I’m hearing a little more quickies with pitches boy and they
cannot touch him little flash has the fastest fastball in the history there’s
no big top of the second best me turned and rushed it just hit the knee to pray
a little bit pray it for my batting yeah yes it’s a swing and a high drive into
left centerfield thank you Scott hoon he can’t get it as
it’s off the wall he hit the corner and poised for third under he makes the turn
Hubbard he got to go where is it where is it all right here’s
the drama you didn’t see let’s follow a goofball here there’s the whole run and
I’m running he’s running here comes he’s around at third wait a
minute it’s not letting me go in the replay
stopping boink boink look at it smiling look at him smiling okay finally
connected and when I did I commit with big yeah he’s on the step on the bag
himself and the inning is over good job good job so they scratch it
beau he’s walked right through that guy or celeb Springs right there man if I’m
pitching I’m going right back to though going low pitch taking several inches
gloves are infant smart oh not you the sound field go yes to run
away infield shifted well to the right here’s the first pitch ground ball third
base now when he says stay inside the third base bag of fair ball they’re not come within the shooter
region sometimes a third there’s a replay Wow yeah you ground her this is
good good play you can hit Todd Frazier Todd Frazier second with the base hit
into the ocean I want some visit like the in-game front of my mouth
bum bum bum bum bum I’m just glad to do it but let out that up and the pitch by
logged right around Mr D only one delivery there they are
there was the people all right at least we’re giving these people a show like
his beard he’s got 17 advanced guy dropping a drag
bunt down for it yeah see ya Tom Fodor gonna miss the breaking go door toward
right-center nope go back catch on the move and that
interesting preacher but to here in the Rangers after the inning and they come
on this two-run home run we’ve played two it’s now 2 to 1 Texas I
remember it’s only five innings okay a little warm-up here we mean thank you
for swinging – wineright I’m connected I’m connecting one of
being a miss breaker right there boy swimmer Lin says he picks up yet another
strikeout I need to score on in the inning plate now with Frazier yes spirits yes beautiful place okay I’m
gonna I’m gonna give a little kid of baseball to take home right now yes come
on do that pitch right there Oh – breaker hanging over the parsley
there we go he’s not too many of those today that’s it hit the first is that
for the Yankees alright still so here’s the veteran Brett Gardner oh he’ll come
up hey there you guys get back is the
off-speed pitch for strike one ok this yeah where you creepin out up in this
situation adjust your batting gloves and realize
you still ok looking to punch him out again bridge advantage pitcher here he
just gets a piece of it strike one halfway to the plate this hitters
wondering why he reported trigger all knows hands
like he’s being stung by wasps right now watch goes on get him up the end get out
of my way to the end for Rangers it’s gonna be a man ready with the first
pitch here it comes Oh got it Barney cut the one-two
oh you’re not I know the wrong guy third to second
instead of should have gone straight to first but see this first played you know
this guy Elvis Andrus first pitch of the at-bat tried to troll yes yes swinging Oh better say finished a good
good Joey Gallo is about to be struck down did light time you get a gallon
second I want to get base loaded ready to deliver here’s the first pin right
into the hot baby – okay if this guy’s able to execute that oh you guys to
people on he’s gonna get into a swing oh you know what I need right now
no high fly ball no better stay away sooner y’all better stay it’s back and they’ll get there to make
the play feel better get out of here and you’ll take say let’s go say to God
in the image okay so you got a batter on first and third what’s about to happen come on come on round
no I should have gone two seconds from third as they extend their lead Oh
flashbacks of Little League I’m kidding now young batter on first
and second I hit out why he ran third two outs right two outs
oh and one pull sense here’s the oh one that’s not good this could be that’s not
good and it is troubled it finds the gap extra bases away from the Yankees get away from the
Yankees today that’s the s he is in with two away here is this one swung on and
missed for the first strike the Owen 1 delivery grounded back up the middle
Torrez scoops it up finally made a good decision there Hey
comment below this is an interesting question comment below we actually did
go to a sports game the coincided with the game they were playing on our gaming
channel would you want to see some of that footage on here like a vlog of us
going to the XFL game or the Rangers game pitch swinging the misses he was
waiting I got saying work to do here a lot there is a start to the left side
after foul they tried to I got a step out of the box
adjust my bad yes there’s no fancy stream so there we go no it graves a grounder amazing plays do
we point grounder there I see where you would have make made that mistake I and he just stays hmm Oh
throw it haha oh that was gonna die Oh be there she swings true that’s what
happens when I’m focusing on steel hey he’s tickling around the zone those last
two pitches were pretty much right only one more inning to go we’re hopefully
going five innings here’s into this at-bat hole for one and and I got some
work to do and two innings here the mouths look to be well below the knees
it’s strike one Danny gets him to swing three birdies and controlled oh and you
can hit something I that’s not hichy before he knows he should have done
something with that one here’s the Owen – oh man another one
making next Oh – there we go come on mine I think it just hit the hot dog guy
hot dogs do you ever do that you ever hear that got the ranger station used to
walk around Omaha seven foul balls in a row okay come on come on vevo I’m gonna
go this direction wasn’t bad at this one – there we go you definitely had the distance budded
whines uncle crab had to sit back on the change-up and he did a good job can’t
get past me after rounded down the third base line but a foul ball
and holds it onto a record four fouls just today world record fouls how many fouls this we need a bow count
baby keep it going they owe to once more now counterfeit is there we going in a
drive center do it is happening sooner or later what’s the magic watch the
magic happen you take everybody out there thought it’s gonna be much 53rd
Wow but no look at that where’d it go oh look look look at that Homer I just hit off of you
everybody’s looking he’s looking look how sad he looks he’s looking he’s happy
he’s looking hey see you later Bo later boo everyone’s looking even the rim
everybody’s looking let’s see if we can zoom in on the crowd see who catches it
no one did it came in there see where is it down there look they were trying to
catch you though give me the ball please oh ma look at that kid up there he
missed it he’s looking to the left this kid’s looking down five two three
now a box now Mike tockman he swings and hits it fun out in his only trip to the
plate so far that person said oh my energy is down of course no slider there
is exam we got a game now though oh here comes the foul party again here comes
the smile’ bus look at that beauty bottom look at the
beauty it’s the Rangers five and the Yankees three up in the nosebleeds I
want to send one up there real the crowd now who we got oh don’t were in the
bottom of the roof knit absorb into the box
Luke knitted or Philip it bounced back after striking out his last time up
yes he’s turned in he’s super struck out he’s behind oh no alright my energy
fizzle is still high how was yours really do you need to make a change
better of them now it’s strike to visit your get’em with back to back big-time
heaters there’s a slang and a high deep drive headaches visit the rest of your
pitch and run roster see who you got to back mother’s second deck sky the right
fielder get in there he makes the catch a great effort six pinch on its way and
pitch well Japanese clearly went around on a pitch that would have been a stray
early way it’s nothing in one oh yes oh yes scoreless this inning I
got a chance but if I scored there’s no chance so chin isn’t a fastball let it
go right stepping up Guzman wrong with Guzman he scored two runs are
stroking a double than his first at-bat Guzman oh here comes the bell bus bump
bump bump is he’s trying oh my pit child’s wow it’s so much
better bum bum bum bum bum and it’s a center
field Oh deep left so no bald it’s Terry’s
getting smaller there we go it’s a nice their necks on the track is that ends
the inning I thought it was the Rangers okay last
chance coming up into the fourth file inning win five innings and three I’ve
got one at bat to make a difference let’s make a six to three guys we both
got it so I need to score right now or game over I didn’t score through your
game up even though I’m stretching okay he’s good if you’re a head and realizes
this for things for scorpion Ronald and I need to make a change at pitcher her
to chill you want to warm him up or you won’t put him right in the game oh he’s
going out he’s calling now so he’s gonna have to warm up on the mound because he
is not warmed up wanted more he’s got a lot of energy
not much confidence now these fast balls are fast again finger oh he’s got
different pitches now I’m doing a car when you see a guy like that curve ball
boy oh the speed is throwing me off now oh
no I just when I got used to hitting there we go I envy a Stallone yes one
run closer shows you how much I know that thing was
a late suitable laser shot that sends DJ LeMahieu into the box yes yes student
left field and there’s no doubt about it yes about to be doing
five homers in this game MattyB this is turning into home run miss locations
right out over the heart of the plate and neither side I want it so bad I
don’t want to now curveball again I should say place at first why is
every one of the keys to having Rangers win opening me
the frames are forward select two RBIs Lu that that was that’s the play of the
game right there I thought two scored three right out of
the gate it with one hand that was MLB the show twenty dad versus
son we had fun hope you did too right
comment below if you want to see us play more MLB the show and we will get it
done for you so we’ll see you next time remember to subscribe to K City gaming
and ring the bell to get notified every time we upload we’ll see you next time
Today in Survive The Bounty… He’s right above us.
Get us out of here now. He’s behind us! He’s coming after us. What’s that?
– He’s got a laser. We’re on the run.
De-derp-eh-dum. We can not sing but we sing this song. We gonna try, we gonna fail. Stuff and such.
Survive The Bounty. Dave, we’re going to have
a hard time with this, I think. Yes, I’ve seen what’s on the map. I’ve seen what people are driving around in. But yeah, let’s just start with the bounty.
I’ll set the bounty on you right now. There it is: Dear Narrator. Ten thousand.
I’m going to set it when you’re ready. Are you ready?
– Almost. Come on, Lester. Pick up the phone. Wait, are you calling Lester right now? Yes.
– So am I. How does he do this? He has many phones. Right. I’m ready.
– In 3, 2, 1… go! Your bounty has been set, sir. So has yours. So, yeah.
Do we have a plan? Oh, there’s the bounty.
– Survive. Survive, that’s a good plan.
Oh there’s cops. This is a good start. So, the rules are we have to escape
for 24 hours. I think we should go for an airplane this time. Yeah let’s do that.
But we need something fast Oh, God. Oh, God. It’s not my fault. They just keep driving like this.
– It’s all your fault. There is something going on ahead of us. Are we being–?
– There’s a car. That’s a fast one too. I’m not sure if he’s violent or not. He went away. He went around the corner.
I’m not sure if he turned back around. Yeah, so that’s the bad thing
about what we’re doing. We have no map, so we don’t know
if someone’s coming after us… or where they’re coming from. I’ll keep an eye out. I’ll keep an eye out behind us. I think the best tactic is just to stay on the move. I’ll drive under him. Dear God, drive like a normal person. I can’t. I’m a raccoon. Wait. I am not a raccoon. I’m still in my last video’s outfit. Good news. It’s getting nighttime. So we’ll be harder to see without the lights. Good news everyone. How do I drive better than you when I’m using
a mouse and keyboard? I don’t understand. You’re supposed to be this racer dude. I am. I don’t know. I’m just in a panic.
– And now there’s nothing but hood. It’s all hood.
– Is this a thing these days? Like, open your gates.
It is! We can go for the standard planes
but they’re so slow. I could order us a plane. The problem is if you order something
you can’t look on the map… and we don’t know where to get it.
So I’ll just go for– Wait. What was that? That was a biplane.
I think it’s only one seat. We could try.
I don’t know if it’s two seats. We gotta be quiet. We gotta sneak with this sort of thing. I’m not sure if we sneak
they won’t see us on the map. It’s only one seat.
Meet me at the Titan hangar. On my way.
Are you going there on your own? Yeah, I’ll meet you there. I don’t know how to fly a plane
with the mouse and keyboard. What’s going on?
– It’s this plane. This plane. Let me out of it.
It’s a death trap! Get in my car. Maybe this can take off
if we just follow this route the planes do. That’s not gonna happen.
– Here we go! Your wings are not big enough. 3, 2, 1… I’m trying to make myself as light as possible. It didn’t work. I tried. There’s a Luxor.
It’s a little bit faster than a Titan. This is not a Buzzard. Oh, look behind us! Where did that come from? You gotta fly that. I can’t fly. I can’t fly it either. It’s a sh** one. It’s better than not a Buzzard. Wow, there’s two planes on the right. Where’d they come from? There’s three now.
– Dear God. These are actually more powerful than I thought. Have they upgraded this?
(Let me know in the comments!) I don’t know, but it’s not going to be
very powerful against an Oppressor… or a Lazer, or anything else basically. You just got to keep an eye on the sound. If that makes sense. OK, I’LL TRY TO KEEP AN EAR ON THE SOUND
BUT THE HELICOPTER IS QUITE LOUD! There is a yacht. Let’s go there. I don’t think we’re being attacked at the moment. We’re not being attacked at the moment… although that might change if we go
towards this yacht and it has anti-air defenses. You mentioned that just in time. We could try it, board it… and then nobody else could get to us
if we got anti-air defenses. Let’s go to the blue one.
– Yeah, let’s go to the blue. I forgot how to deploy the parachute
with the mouse and keyboard. Did it work?
– It did Just in time. That was a close landing.
– This is a Netherlands ship. Really? Nice! Come check out the name. Galaxy Super Yacht, Netherlands.
– Nice. I feel more at home now.
– We’ve also got boats. Boats might be a good shot to get us out of here.
– I say we go for this one. I don’t know if you’ll be able to drive it.
Is it gonna let you drive? It is. OK, that wan an explosion. Oh, someone is– I’m not sure if we should–
Let’s get out. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.
Where did it come from? I don’t know. It sounded like an Oppressor. Let me check with this sniper.
– There’s an Oppressor in the sky. Where? Behind us by the other ship. It might be too intimidating for an Oppressor,
because these do have anti-air defenses turned on. He might not wanna come over and risk it. I hear something.
– Somebody’s swimming. There’s planes in the air.
– I could kill you right now. What are your games that you’re playing? You know, I could get money if I shoot you. But you would only get your own money back.
You’d not even get all of it because Lester takes a cut. Let’s just… burn the boat.
– I agree. What could go wrong? Oh my God, get to cover!
– Yeah. I see it. There it is. It’s a flying one, right? So we can’t turn around?
There it is. That one. We gotta get back.
Ouch, we gotta get inside. I hear it.
– Ouch, it’s coming. It’s right above us. He’s right there. Yep, I see it.
– He’s right above us. Got him! Really nice! Alright, let’s get out of here. He’s gonna spawn on the boat.
Let’s get the helicopter. Good God. Get in. There’s the bike. Get us out of here now.
He’s behind us! Go! Get out.
– We must escape. He’s coming after us. What’s that?
– He’s got a laser. A laser?
– He’s got a laser. He’s still got the bike, so we need to get a car–
– He’s locking on. Get out! It’s the water, it’s fine. Get out! Did you– Did you die? No, Dave!
Why didn’t you jump out? I did.
– He did not. He was such a fool. He never listened. He was a good friend,
but it was his time to go. And now I’m all sad and alone. And this… This is how we’ll remember you. I respected you, Dave. I sort of did. Dear Dave, rest in pieces. Hey, you didn’t die.
You’re over there. I will protect. I will protecc.
– I’m sorry for killing you, Dave. At least I got my money back. Apology not accepted.
You ruined me with a helicopter. It went right up my a**. Request personal vehicle.
Let’s do this quick. There’s a vehicle right here, Ouch.
We can go. It’s fast enough. Let’s get it. We need it. We’re being hunted. You’re not. It’s only a small two-star.
– That was tense. Only one of us has to make it till dawn. We don’t want to get caught by the police
at this moment in time. Trying to be incognitus. Explosives. We’re being followed again. So the Oppressor is still after us.
This is a problem. The Oppressor is in the near area though. Why are you driving against the road? Because it’s the safest thing to do.
– This isn’t England. I’m on the right side of the road. I was on the right side of the road,
now I’m on the wrong side. Alright, so we’ve survived for…
not even half a day yet. How are we ever supposed to get this? Yeah, I think–
Oh, there it was. What did you see?
– Our way out. Move aside, pedestrians! What? Did he flip us off? Yes, he did.
– Screw you. Stop here. I’ll place a proximity mine
right over there. So yeah, let’s stay here for a little while. To be honest, this is a pretty long tunnel. We could just stay down here
for the rest of the thing and just drive. Oh, I hear cars.
– Yeah, I heard that as well. I’m not sure if it’s NPC cars or– Yeah, we’re on the road.
Is this the river? Oh nice! Here on the left, there’s the river.
What’s that? I see it. A light?
– No, there’s– I’m not sure if we should go here, but– What the hell? Was that–?
That’s not an NPC. That was a person. Oh, dear. They’re aware of what we’re doing. Yeah. I thought it would be
a getaway vehicle, but no. Just so you know, Dave is driving.
That’s why it’s going so smooth. There’s another plane. There’s a job
going out at the minute in the game. That might be in our advantage. No. It’s fall It’s fall the longest distance without dying,
so there’s a lot of planes in the air. The only unfortunate thing about that… when it comes to an end,
all of the planes explode. There’s something in the air above us. Where?
– I just saw the light flashing. I don’t know what it was.
– There it is. I saw it. Right behind us. It’s one of the– RUN! It’s homing. Oh God. Oh, dear.
– Ouch, we’re done. Sir Plugsworth! Congratulations, good sir.
You’re the proud owner of 9,000 dollareedoos. So we’ve made it until 4 am.
That’s pretty good. That’s like 11 hours in game. It’s a new record.
– That was good. Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the video! Be sure to subscribe
and click on the notification bell… so you’ll get a notification
every time I upload a new video. Thanks for watching
and I’ll see you next time. AHOY!
There’s an unwritten rule in 2D horizontal games. The player enters from stage left, and takes
center stage. Welcome to The Red Strings Club. This is you. Uh … Donovan. No. Over there. Behind the bar. This framing lasts for half the game, and
is completely intentional. Designer Jordi de Paco: This framing, this conversation, is not all
about you. The woman who entered stage left is Diana
Meyes, an NPC. But *she* is the main subject here, and the
following conversation is all about her and her work, and learning what that means for
you and the greater plot. Minor spoilers for this, the first of many
conversations in the game. Other games are *all* about you. Interacting with NPCs is more about expressing
your character than investigating anyone else’s. Even Disco Elysium, a game mostly without
combat to fall back on a game which like The Red Strings Club must rely on dialog is all about you. Role Playing Games are about finding out:
Who am I? Who do I want to be? But The Red Strings Club is not an RPG. It asks …Who is this? What information does she have? And how can I best get it from her? To focus on conversations, on other characters,
on the investigation The Red Strings Club becomes a game of asking questions. Questions are traditionally the most boring
part of conversation systems. You can ask them at any time, in any order. It’s something you don’t even have to think about. Just click on *what* you want to ask until
you’re either bored or all the options are exhausted. Then you get to the actually interesting bit:
what *you* are going to do or say. Questions are just the preamble, the exposition. But uniquely, in The Red Strings Club, it’s
not so much *what* you ask but *when* you ask it. You’re Donovan, a magical bartender slash
information broker, whose drinks create or amplify certain moods. You serve a mix of vodka and absinthe, which
makes Diana fearful and paranoid. *Then* you explore the dialog tree. You have to think about which questions she
will respond more openly to given her current emotional state. Pride might encourage someone to blab about
their current work project even if it’s a secret corporate prototype. Paranoia will shut that conversation down but might make characters more open to discussing a different subject. It becomes a game of matching the NPC’s
current mood to different questions which if it sounds like a sorting puzzle game, it is. The conversations are the game. They are the puzzle, they are how you interact,
and they are what you succeed or fail at. Winning this puzzle game is not about passing
a skill check, or performing some action. It’s not about expressing your character. It’s about understanding someone else. You have to read between their lines, to put
two and two together, to figure them out. And to make sure you go deep on this, the
game tests you on what you’ve learned. Designer Jordi De Paco took inspiration from,
of all games, Final Fantasy VIII. Akara-184, your friendly empathic android,
checks your understanding of the conversation that just took place, and what it reveals
about the person you just talked to. It changed the way I played the game, it made
me realize the hidden depths of these characters and these conversations. I would think about their responses, their
reactions, even the type of alcohol they preferred and it was only then – post conversation – that
I could see what it revealed about their character. I realized playing Red Strings that there was probably a lot of depth
in other games’ conversations, a lot of subtext, that went
straight over my head because I wasn’t properly engaged. This quiz is a motivational tool used to enhance
your engagement with the conversations. One shot. Yes. The game basically features … permadialog? The game has one save slot it constantly overwrites. You can’t load old saves. It’s OK and fun to repeat a section in action
games. There, failure and repetition leads to eventual
mastery. The problem with conversations as a puzzle
is that unlike action everything is exactly the same the second time around. It’s tedious to go back and replay dialog
you’ve just experienced. Repeating isn’t mastery, it’s trial and
error on a multiple choice test. This kills the fun, so even given infinite
tries you only get one shot at succeeding at a conversation and feeling rewarded for it. That’s why the Red Strings Club only gives
you one shot … mostly … and it’s why it goes to such lengths to motivate you
to get it right the first time. That said, the game is not punishing. You don’t miss out on much of anything if
you fail at setting the right mood before asking a specific question. However, while you get the same information,
you don’t feel as rewarded. It’s lenient with mistakes,
but just like the test the threat of small failures is necessary to motivate you into finding the right solutions. This game of questions and focus on the other
characters is not to say The Red Strings Club lacks any focus on the player characters. The beginning and ends of the game *are* player
centric, and the opinions you express as Donovan form the center of the narrative theme. But for me, the biggest reason I was so engaged
with those conversations in The Red Strings Club is that the questions were a game,
in and of themselves. A puzzle game of interrogation and understanding that’s just as much about the person in front of the bar as the player behind it. Thanks for watching, if you’d like to know
how the designer approaches making great conversations (instead of my silly little opinions) there’s
a link in the description to our email interview. Thanks!