December 8, 2019
December 8, 2019
December 8, 2019
Happy Cyber Monday, everybody. I don’t know what
you’re doing here– you’re missing out
on all the big sales. It’s costing you money
to be here, actually. Cyber Monday doesn’t sound
like a day of shopping– it sounds like a day that
robots take over, like– It’s my robot. I don’t know. I do a better Columbo. Pardon me, ma’am. I don’t mean to bother you. I’m glad you’re here instead of
on your computer, because it’s time to play Epic or Fail. Grab your paddles. We’re all going to
watch something. We’re going to see if it’s going
to be a good thing that ends up or a bad thing. So– ready? Let’s see the first one. I just– I just don’t think– First of all, why? –he’s going fast enough. I just don’t. Why? Wow. There’s a lot of people that
are optimistic about it. And good for you. Good for you. Wow. I was just following tWitch. I should have gone on my own. I just thought he wasn’t
going fast enough. All right, let’s
see the next one. I don’t know– I agree with you. I think this one
is a Fail for sure. Yeah. Yeah– oh! Oh, boy. That’s an epic fail. It’s an epic fail. A big old fail. All right, let’s
see the next one. I’m going to go benefit
of the doubt, I am. You think Epic? I’mma give him the
benefit of the doubt. I just– I hope. I have high hopes. It’s on a frozen
lake, that is– right? I think it’s going to
chip into the water, and it’s going to
crack, and he sinks. That’s what I think. Yeah. You don’t take a heavy metal
thing and do that with ice. Oh my god. Who’s playing golf
in that weather? you’ve got to really love golf. All right, next one. Doesn’t look good ob the– He looks unsure. He looks unsure there. I’m going to say it
ends very poorly. That’s why I don’t ski. All right, let’s
see another one. Oh boy, he’s got it. OK, because look at his face. Look at his face. Yeah. That’s bad. Yeah. He even realizes
that was a bad idea– right then. That’s when he realized it. OK. Oh boy, he’s got it. Look. Oh, boy. Let’s see the next one. [INAUDIBLE] I think this is
going to be good. I think it’ll be good. Right? Yeah. I think yeah, for sure. Oh! [BUZZER] [INAUDIBLE] Maybe not. Maybe not. All right, last one. Are we going to end on a Fail? Really? I can’t imagine– I’m going to give him– maybe something good happens. I don’t know. OK. Oh! Wow. He made a unicycle! Yeah! Yes. That’s how you
play Epic or Fail.
-How it works is you’re going to
hit this button here, which really works. It activates the opinion topic
generator. It will land on a random topic
that relates to this time of year. Whatever it is, you have to give
your opinion on it. -Knee jerk?
-Yep. First thing. Doesn’t have to be prepared.
Nothing. You ready?
-Okay. Yep. -Go ahead. [ Musical beeping plays ] -Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
-Oh. You know what? This is what pisses me off
about that. No, but for real, okay so
they’re mean to him and there’s a foggy night. I guess this is the first time
it’s ever happened. And so Santa puts him in front,
I’m assuming, and he lights the way. And then they go, “then all the
reindeer loved him, and they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in history.” First off, you don’t just erase
the abuse. And secondly,
“you’ll go down in history,” That’s a claim. And fame and
love, I hate to say it, but fame is not love.
They are very different things. I have done a lot of work to get
to that conclusion. And I hope Rudolph
sees a therapist. [ Bell dings ]
-That’s unbelievable. [ Cheers and applause ]
-I never thought about that. That is fantastic. -I’ve never
thought about it either. -That’s so good. That’s the
whole point of the game. Let’s give it another go
over here. -Okay. All right. [ Musical beeping plays ] -Mistletoe. If any decoration
needs to be me too’d, the mistletoe — this is the
most — who the hell? Like, in what world — like
walking through a doorway with another person
weird enough. I don’t need this perverted
garnish over the door. I don’t want to see it.
I don’t want to hear about it. -Oh, my God. I’ve never —
That’s fantastic. I’ve never heard you
raise your voice. -It’s an upsetting garnish.
-It’s an upsetting, yeah. Let’s do another one.
-Okay. All right. [ Musical beeping plays ] -Fingerless gloves.
-Okay. They seem to be favored by
crooks in movies. [ Laughter ] Now, I’m no forensic scientist,
but I would imagine that it’s exactly these parts of
the hand that you want to cover up if you’re a crook.
-There you go. Listen up, crooks.
-Alright. [ Cheers and applause ] -I want to do this all night.
We only have time for one more. -I love my own thoughts.
[ Laughter ] -John, you have one more.
-Okay, go. -Thank you very much.
Here we go. -yeah. [ Musical beeping plays ] -The 2010s. 2010s.
-Oh, they’re ending. -They are, the decade is over.
-Ooh! [ Audience groans ]
-That’s right. -Well, what a decade. Here’s how I’d sum up the 2010s. I was going through the airport
and there was a guy and he was traveling and there
was a woman from TSA. And they were screaming
at each other. And she said,
“I wouldn’t disrespect you, if you hadn’t disrespected me
in the first place.” And that is the 2010s.
[ Laughter ] We’re trying to figure out who
disrespected who in the first place and we’re
both screaming at each other and everyone is just trying to
get on their Southwest flight. -That’s fantastic. That is John Mulaney
Welcome to Ask Matt! Today’s Ask Matt was sponsored by a FUN little game Called PolyBlast. And what I mean by fun is insanely annoyingly addicting. More about that at the end of the video, but I thought What a great idea Let’s make an Ask Matt all about video games and gaming, Because surprisingly, we haven’t done that yet. What’s your favorite video game you’ve done? I’ve never made a video game, so… Sorry! Can girls game too? Cause my brother says no! What, is your brother 12 years old? Hehe… probably, right? Legit question. How do you record your face and screen at the same time? I actually have a proprietary method that I made up that’s very very successful, and I don’t know if I wanna reveal that to everyone just quite yet until I’ve perfected it. Who’s your favorite gamer? Septic-Pewdie-Plier. What, it’s a person. How do I hold the controller? The most important thing is for you to hold the controller as far away from your body as possible, because your body gives off electromagnetic radiation, and sometimes it can interfere with the wireless controller. Also, wear a tinfoil hat. Weirdest game ever played? Definitely Blobfish… what? *cough* How many game consoles do you currently own, and what are they? From N64 on, pretty much everything. Do you know of any small ‘Tubers? I don’t really know that many small YouTubers, uh, but I… I dunno why. I just tend to hang out with, like, physically larger people. What game are you NOT noob at? Matt: I could pretty much kick anyone’s butt at Mario Kart 8 (Amanda: No!) Matt: Yes! (Amanda: No!) Matt: Yes! (Amanda: No.) Matt: … Yes. What game infuriated you the most? Hmm This one. aaaaaaaAAAAAAA… NOOO! Ahh… Hate that game Have you ever played Until Dawn? I don’t like horror games… Just don’t like putting that stuff inside my head. If you had to chose, what Five Nights at Character Freddy… If you had to chose, what Five Nights at Freddy’s character would you be? I think Rose or umm… Meloncollie. They’re pretty cool. (Amanda: Are those actual characters?) Yes…? Do you enjoy it? What, gaming? Nah, I just do it for money. Do you ever talk to your video game? A lot, but usually I’m just yelling at it. Mean things… I get really pissed with downloading games. What’s the best way to download without buying? Cause I’m cheap. Uh I would say download free games, because if you’re downloading games that cost money and you’re trying to do that for free, well… That’s called theft… And I don’t condone that. What is your least favorite thing that game devs put in their games? I don’t have a least favorite, but I do have a most favorite. I LOVE my microtransactions. OHH and that purchases. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! What would be your ideal video game? Anything that involved, like… food, Lightsabers, and uh… a wand…? If you could design a game, what would it be about? Refer to the last answer. Do you even NoScope bruh? Bruh, I don’t even know what a Scope is, so ‘course I NoScope. Are you… white? Not on the inside. What is the best way to troll someone while playing a game? Tickle fights. People hate that when they’re trying to uh, you know, kill some peeps. (Amanda: or trying to do anything else!) OH NO STOP! *sigh* I have no pride. Who got you into gaming, and what age were you? My grandparents actually were the first ones that introduced me to gaming, because they had a Super Nintendo system, and I believe they were around the age of 55? Is there any game that you were really exited about that got canceled? Ya, there was this Star Wars game that I was super stoked about, 13-13, that got canceled… Like this if you cry everytime… What if you were in a game right now? I’d have the high score. *fart sounds* I don’t know why I did that random fart noise. NO IDEA. What do you say to guys who don’t think girls genuinely like video games? Nothing. ‘Cause they probably wouldn’t understand anything I said anyways… Is it possible to actually finish a game of Monopoly? Is it possible to actually start a game of Monopoly? Eheh hashtag board…. game… AHHHHHAHAH! Do you like playing games with Amanda? Uhmm… sometimes… Because she gets physical… And not the good kind. I need men! Hello! Hey…? The heck are you talking about on this? Haha… My brother says girls can’t be gamers, but I’m better than him and he won’t admit it! Your brother most likely thinks girls still have cooties as well, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I’m a 9 year old asking for your XBox Gamertag. Ya, it’s uh StrandedUnicorns107Sparkles. … Haha… (Amanda: That’s really legit. He likes unicorns and sparkles.) Matt: SHH! What’s your favorite board game? The one that I’m, not BORED at… Am I right?! Have you ever played a game that made you rage qurit? Qurit? Have you ever played a game that made you rage quit? NOOO? I don’t believe this for a second. *Mario death theme* WHEN HAVE I EVER JUMPED ON TOP OF THAT?! Don’t watch it. Are you a sore loser when playing a game against a friend? What’s losing? Never heard of that before. What’s your favorite genre of games? Star Wars. What was your most memorable gaming moment so far? This one. Ya, I just am trying to put this in a real life scenario. This dude is just like… Hey man I’m gonna fall off- HAHAAH! New record! Who’s judging this? WOOOOOW! Are you into Zelda games? If so, which one? My favorite Zelda game would have to be Ocarina Smockarina. It was just a worthy addition. Favorite video game console ever? I would have to say GameCube, because it was a perfect mix of awesome single-player games, and awesome multi-player local games. How do I explain the WASD keys being so worn? Just say you really like typing the word SWADS. Favorite Star Wars game? All of them. Please. Do you play World of Warcraft? and if so… Alliance or Horde? Definitely I’m Allianced with the Horde. How do I game like a pro? Mountain Dew, uh… Doritos, and not moving for extended periods of time. That’s how I do it. Super Mario and chill? No. Because like I said… Amanda gets physical, but it’s not the right kind… Are you gonna do a gaming video with jacksepticeye anytime soon? That’s entirely up to him. Go hit him up. *Gurgling and screeching noises* What am I? About to die? Which games can Amanda Faye beat you at? (Amanda: ALL OF THEM.) Matt: None. Absolutely zero. (Amanda: Get out of here.) Matt: Zero. (Amanda: NO) Matt: Ok, maybe Duck Hunt, but, who cares about that? AM I right? How do I get my XBox 360 to work? If you have that red ring of death right on the front of your XBox 360, I would personally recommend giving it a nice bath. Y’know, sometimes your XBox is just too dirty, so run it under cold water. Have you ever played Mortal Kombat? No. Too graphic. Yikes. If you enjoyed this video, make sure to give it a like, and thank you very much to the sponsor of today’s video, which is PolyBlast. An addicting, maddening game that’s easy… but hard… I made that sound creepy. It’s not creepy. It’s a really cool game where you just pick up anywhere, chill with it. It’s retro, got a slick style to it, I dig it, And like I said, it’s pretty addictive. I’m gonna give you a little tip (Shh) I’m going to give you a little tip… If you hit five in a row, you get a frenzy. THEN YOU GO CRAZY! *in a tune* Also, if your friend has the same device, you can challenge them and see who’s boss. Which will always be me. No matter what. Because I’m the best. It’s one of those games that addicts you to it via frustration, because it’s difficult. I feel like I’m not doing this game justice. Go check it out, link in the description below, It’s actually available yesterday. So, you can go download it right nizzy now! Anyways, big thanks to them, go check it out using the link in the description below. Alright, guys! Hope you enjoyed this, high five. WOO! Missed. HIGH FIVE!
Video games. Everyone likes them. Violent people. Everyone likes- N-no one likes them. But what if I told you that they’re connected and the same. I would know, because video games made me violent. And once you’re convinced, pick up our shirt to join the movement The “Video games made me violent – stay back” T-shirt BUY IT NOW Why am I doing this so early on in the video? (laughing) And here with me today, I have my friend Bianca Welcome. And, my editor Jonas. You always do the best sounds Yeah, that’s why you earned the big bucks. Umm, Let’s get started. (music) I don’t know about you, But I got introduced to video games with a home PC. My dad bought a home PC so he could, like, work from home And it was a super old PC. He would take floppy disks from work, And he would put the text files on there and take them home But I very quickly realized that this… Typewriter-computer could play video games So, Dad could never use the computer for working again Because I would be on it all the time Just playing all the best games Because I’m really old, STOP THE BULLYING No bullying in the comments I’m old, okay? Very secure It was DOS. It was just this operating system where you Literally need to, like, write in stuff like a hacker to do anything That’s how old I am. No bullying, but honestly It would have been really easy to get violent from video games already because I was playing this game called cosmonaut It was a jumping spaceship game there was a lot of hidden traps you had to memorize the stuff and it was really frustrating but the main thing that could and Probably should have made me violate. It was that there was an 8-bit motor sound and it sounded something like this It’s really annoying just imagine listening to that for hours and hours, I’m like, how did I not get a stroke? Imagine just listening to that for hours. I just want to go out right now, you know do some stabbing anyway, so my anyway So my dad noticed pretty early on my love for video games and he was like, I’m gonna use this in a positive way I’m gonna make sure that it’s like a good time for a job, but he will also do things that are good for him so my dad Programmed a V s racing game they wanted me and my sister to play against each other and the crux of the video game was that you got further on the track by answering my fish Nice try dad, right? It’s like he spent hours and hours programming this math game for me and my sister and I think I played it twice Why do you think I play video games dad? Like are you an idiot? It’s not that I can do math I Felt bad, right so like immediately I was like, oh, yeah, this sucks but then like I put it on a couple times when dad came home so it looked like I had been playing so I’ll be Like oh I can hear my dad opening the door. So I thought well, let’s turn on the math gaming Yeah, I mean he spent so much time on that game Really misinformed So yeah, I had been introduced to video games, but there was no violence yet And that’s how the video games gets you they start slow then make you feel comfortable. And then BAM you’re violent, right? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah So, it’s Christmas I’m five-year-old Joe I’m opening a present from Grandma got the person right here what could it be? I have no idea what this is. I open it Jonas make some good VFX for this. Oh my god opening so great, huh? And it’s a Nintendo game boy guys it was for my grandma So obviously even five year-old Joel knew that grandma didn’t buy the Gameboy grandma gave money to dad Dad bought the gameboy on behalf of grandma. Don’t don’t try to fool me dad. There’s such a call at video on my dad Dad, stop doing all these nice things for me. And yeah, this was the original gamer I mean kids nowadays they grew up with like the gameboy advance or the Gameboy Advance SP or even gameboy color I guess if you’re almost as old with me, but I had the original black and whites Gameboy yeah, I’m old. Okay, stop the bullying stop the bullying no bullying in the comments. Don’t do it Shut up And there were some amazing games for the Gameboy. There were Mickey Mouse magic ones amazing game. This is the exposition Also some great sound I mean This is 8-bit guys. You guys don’t realize you liked this if you’re a kid in I don’t say This is the actual game Hey, I’m so young And so on and then we also had from Super Mario LEDs to 6 golden coins the best Mario game out there Fight me check this out guys. This is incredible Check that out guys It is pretty epic. Look at that No, it’s to power up such a great game Well back in my day we didn’t have color the world was in black and white everything Anyway, that’s a great joke, by the way. My dad used to do that one and my grandpa The thing with a gameboy was that the buttons felt so good and everything was so smooth It’s the reason I never got into you’re probably like Oh touch screen gaming. I Like my fruit ninja whatever. My first game was a lower across Windows 98. Oh Yeah, that one that oh my god, I liked it like you commits Like yeah, we want the characters have big boobs. And then when you see that you have to make them triangles You’re not like a let’s not do that Yeah, no, it’s better than not big. I want to triangle Anyway, I’m still not violent at this point in my gaming But I did get Obsessed and these are the first signs of how bad video games are for you is so I would bring the game boy on car Rides, I would bring it to the beach Oh bring it to school. Yeah What’s wrong with bringing it to the beach whole point is I was opposed to enjoy the beach I enjoyed the game boy at the beach Yeah And he would be stuff like, you know, mom, I don’t want to eat dinner. I’m fighting team rockets in the radio tower Are you you guys getting food? I’m gonna play my games My parents tried hiding the Gameboy to try to make me playlist didn’t work. I’d always find it I had a sixth sense for where they hid the Gameboy what really stopped it from totally consuming My life was that my eyes got tired from squinting in the tiny screen. I’ve like three hours I just couldn’t look at it anymore. My eyes would just want to close and like I started crying When I was eight years old I got sick and my dad still a good dad by the way He didn’t want me to be home alone bored all day. So he went to the video rental store. Remember those don’t bully me I’m not olds and he rented a Nintendo 64 and Mario Kart for me to play when I was home alone and sick because they Didn’t want me to be bored and that was a big mistake. It was too much fun I would win cups in Mario Kart just like the standard cups and it would get so excited So I called my dad every time I’d work my dad. I won the mushroom cup me but yeah, that’s great 15 minutes later dad. I won the Star Cup I just went on and on and I realized something really important If I lie about being sick, I get to stay home and play Nintendo 64. That’s how you do it So I did I lied two times. I would get to Nintendo 64 again Mario Cart. I got super mario 64 Amazing games but you know calling my dad ended up being my undoing because obviously I was too energetic and I worked way too hard of finishing the games and I would just call my dad all the time and clearly I was Not sick enough to be home, right the third time I said it was sick in like two weeks I was like they hate I’m sick go go get their new 10 64 dad I’m sick, and it was like well sure you can you can stay home from school if you’re sick But you’re not getting a Nintendo and I was instantly cured of my illness Something I was like, oh actually I feel pretty good now I could I could probably go to school and that was the end of that Later my dad bought a new computer and this was a Pentium 2 windows 95 computer top-of-the-line guys top of the line This was when I truly became an epic gamer But I got some ground rules for my parents rule. Number one finish homework before games rule number two No, violent video games rule number three no online games because that was really really extremely scared of viruses Which was probably like good at this point because people got viruses for you know That people use like click email attachments and get viruses and stuff before I would only be allowed to surf the web for 15 minutes a day because 15 minutes a day because I was like a dial-up connection It would go over the land line to block the phones and everything Obviously these four things are the best things of gaming violent games online gaming So obviously it was time Once again to start lying to the parents lying about homework was really easy just be like there was no homework Or I did the homework in school mom violent games more difficult because all my money I had I got from my parents and they would be able to be like Oh You can’t use it for this or that but I was born in the perfect time for this because there was CD burner piracy Basically, you could copy your friends games and there was nothing to stop you You could just copy a game onto like a CDR and they would work just as if you would have bought the games I’ve had a stash of secret games that I had copied from my friends and Really Just to be extra sure I hid them but I also wrote fake names on the CDs So half-life a really violent game. I wrote fee $4.99 on FIFA 95 I don’t know what FIFA what doesn’t matter but also Starcraft Starcraft is just like a top-down strategy game But that was also true violent for my parents. So I wrote Barbie nail designer on that. I don’t know That’s more suspicious not me I write anyway, I wrote that the hardest one July about and to circumvent was the 15 minutes internet limit that’s really difficult because my mom would talk to my aunt’s on the phone for hours and hours and there were no cell phones at This point it would be like she’d be on and then I couldn’t do the internet But the worst part is when I wasn’t lying like gaming with the buds doing whatever Counter-strike or something and my mom would lift the phone in the other room and she would hear the like mawdem sound So she would scream like sure and then I would get like a real scolding from mom. Well deserved scolding I deserved that another bad thing was that we would get billed such had the monthly costs of the Internet and it would specify Exactly what times I online? It was really expensive. Yeah, I think averaged about two hours a day instead of 15 minutes a day I think it’s nowadays do a lot more than two hours But like when you call that time That was definitely my mom and dad told me that I needed to cut down on the internet, but they never really stopped me I just kept on doing My biggest motivation for lying was friends. This was when MSN Messenger was big I was like writing with my friends sending like funny pictures So that was like my whole social life playing Counter Strike playing half-life Everything was online suddenly and I was willing to lie to my parents to have the friends. That just makes sense. I think But sadly this gaming culture and these friends we’re what led me to violence and now we’re getting there guys time for violent behavior time Okay, guys, I know you guys are gonna be convinced at the end of this so make sure to buy the shirt I am a really dangerous game or do it right now So my first real friend group, we played a lot of video games. We meet up and game together desktop computers We’re the only things that could play video games at the time No, one had a laptop and the laptop that existed were like so slow and bad. He couldn’t do anything on him It’s really hard to move around the desktop. So it only happened like a handful of times So instead an entrepreneur in my little town opened up a gaming cafe They had like eights computers in two rows and they had all the good games installed. It was awesome You could rent this place per hour So we would go there and play like a couple hours after school But the big events the big events was night Gibbs a night skip was an all-nighter at an internet cafe. Yeah And you’re like wow We were six friends. We would rented the whole place from 6:00 p.m. On Friday night to 6:00 a.m. On Saturday morning. I Mean that would kill me now, but at the time like I was 13 It really worked the owner would sleep in the back room and we could go like ding this little thing and he would sell us Like candy and Jolt Cola was important because otherwise you wouldn’t stay awake and I needed hail a candy and hail a Jolt Cola To survive and we play counter-strike. We will play Warcraft 3 tower defense. We play DotA quake 3 arena Starcraft all these amazing game It was literally the dream just being with five of your best friends playing video games all night. Oh, it’s so good It was more fun than anything else. I remember in my childhood pretty much we were all so together in an IRL space It’s so different from gaming now. It’s like sit in the teams and we would do bets on games We would watch funny videos together all this stuff. It’s just like an awesome gaming sleepover – the sleeps It’s like an awesome gaming wake over Yeah, but anyway this is when it gets sad guys Epps in the chat right now staying up all nights on just candy and soda makes you a bit unstable this is when Violence. Okay. There was this one guy in my friend group and he was the worst at video games and around 4:00 5:00 a.m In the middle of the night this guy he owned me Incredibly in counter-strike really bad and he was also really slugging like a bad winner about it. Oh, yeah Screw you Joel you’re drew I realized that he had like practiced during the week and got a better shooter got better at the game Screw that and my sugar dap 13 year old brain wouldn’t have it. This is not okay I went over there and I started hitting him on the arms start here on the arms and like in the belly. I Know the arms not in the face. Obviously. I’m not as savaged but Yeah, yeah and he started hitting back the arms in the belly and we ended up on the floor He’s fighting and friends have to like break it up and guys. That’s proof that violent video games Make you violent Help spread the word by the shirt right now video games made me violent stay back you and I as gamers we could snap at Any time people need to be aware by the shirt? Now but honestly, like kids are competitive whenever kids get competitive since the dawn of time they will fight But you know way more than making me violent, which I don’t think it did it connected me to your friends and it helped me sustain through like lonely times all these amazing video games and they’re also just fun and you know, I still play I just love me some games. That’s it So bought by the shirt since that doesn’t make any sense more, but still buy it. Ok. Bye Also, thank you guys so much for the nice response on the sorry video last week I was not expecting such a great response. You guys are awesome Thanks for supporting these new kinds of videos, and I wanted to mention that the discord server is awesome It’s been super nice to chat to you guys. Me and Jonas are on there regularly. Just chatting however I do not appreciate that people have started saying the pig Jonas that’s curtains this name on their Pig Jonas is their Lord and Savior and they’re saying that Jonas should take over. Don’t do that. Stop the bullying nothing like that on the discord servers. Stop that immediately And yeah, I will see you guys in the next video link to the discord in the description But no no Pig Jonas worship on there. Ok. Thank you guys, and I will see you next time. Bye
I WROTE AND ILLUSTRATED A CHILDREN’S BOOK CALLED “THE SERIOUS GOOSE.” IT IS A FUN BOOK. ALL OF THE MONEY I MAKE FROM THE SALE OF THE BOOK GOES TO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL IN L.A. AND CHILDREN’S HOSPITALS ACROSS AMERICA. UNLIKE DONALD TRUMP JR. MY DAD CAN’T GET THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE TO BUY ALL THE COPIES. I NEED YOU FOR THAT. IT’S AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE BOOKS ARE SOLD. AND YOU CAN GET A SIGNED COPY AS THE SERIOUS GOOSE.COM.>>Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A VERY FINE YOUNG ACTOR AND FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD AVENGER WHO CONTRIBUTES HIS VOCAL CORDS TO A NEW PIGEON ADVENTURE FILM. “SPIES IN DISGUISE” OPENS IN THEATERS CHRISTMAS DAY. PLEASE WELCOME TOM HOLLAND. ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>>TOM, IT IS VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HOW ARE YOU?>>IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.>>Jimmy: IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK.>>YEAH, IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK. I’VE BEEN IN CLEVELAND FOR TWO MONTHS.>>Jimmy: YOU’VE BEEN IN CLEVELAND FOR TWO MONTHS!>>YEAH, I’VE BEEN SHOOTING A MOVIE WITH THE RUSSO BROTHERS.>>Jimmy: YOU DID THE AVENGERS WITH THEM, BUT THIS IS NOT A SUPER-HERO-RELATED MOVIE.>>NO, IT’S A DRUG MOVIE. BUT IT’S GOING AMAZING. IT’S BEEN A REALLY STRANGE EXPERIENCE FOR ME, BECAUSE I’VE BEEN DOING THE SUPER HERO THING FOR A WHILE NOW, AND NOW I’M DOING HEROIN.>>Jimmy: YEAH.>>NOT ACTUALLY. I’M NOT ACTUALLY DOING HEROIN.>>Jimmy: FAKE HEROIN. FUN HEROIN.>>IT’S COFFEE IN A NEEDLE. BUT IT’S GOING REALLY WELL.>>Jimmy: DO YOU ENJOY BEING IN CLEVELAND?>>I LOVE CLEVELAND. I THINK CLEVELAND’S GREAT.>>Jimmy: YOU KNOW, CLEVELAND’S AN UNDERRATED CITY. FOR SOME REASON, SOMEONE DECIDED EVERY TIME WE MAKE FUN OF A CITY IN AMERICA IT’S GOING TO BE CLEVELAND.>>I HEARD THIS, YES.>>Jimmy: AND IT STUCK. I DON’T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED. IT JUST KIND OF STUCK. BUT YOU’RE ENJOYING IT THERE.>>I REALLY LIKE IT THERE.>>Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?>>JOE AND ANTHONY ARE FROM CLEVELAND, THEY’RE BIG BROWNS FANS, SO THEY’VE BEEN TAKING US TO THE BROWNS GAMES. AND EVER SINCE WE STARTED GOING THEY STARTED WINNING.>>Jimmy: SO YOU DIDN’T GO THIS WEEKEND.>>I DIDN’T GO THIS WEEKEND, NO. DID THEY LOSE?>>Jimmy: YEAH, THEY LOST, YEAH, YEAH.>>I’M SORRY, GUYS.>>Jimmy: SO, WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A BROWNS FAN NOW?>>ABSOLUTELY. IT’S FUNNY, MY BROTHER AND I, WE DON’T UNDERSTAN THE RULES.>>Jimmy: UH-HUH.>>SO WE’VE JUST BEEN SITTING THERE DRINKING. BUT WE HAD A MENU, AND WE LIKE, WE CAME UP WITH OUR OWN VERSION OF HOW THEY SHOULD PLAY THE GAME.>>Jimmy: OH.>>AND IT DIDN’T WORK.>>Jimmy: IT DIDN’T WORK?>>NO.>>Jimmy: YOU KNOW, IT’S FUNNY, BECAUSE HENRY CAVILL WAS HERE AND HE LOVES THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS BECAUSE SUPERMAN IS FROM KANSAS, AND HE FIGURED SUPERMAN WOULD LIKE THE CHIEFS, AND HE’S NOW MADE THAT HIS REAL TEAM. AND NOW ARE YOU, I FEEL LIKE EVERY TEAM SHOULD HAVE A SUPER HERO ASSOCIATED WITH IT.>>YES.>>Jimmy: SO THE BROWNS GET SPIDERMAN. CHIEFS GET SUPERMAN.>>I LOVE IT. YEAH. S. >>Jimmy: WELL, THE PPATRIOTS AY HAVE CAPTAIN AMERICA. SEAHAWKS. HAWKEYE SHOULD LIKE THE SEAHAWKS. OH, THIS COULD BE FUN. WOULD IRON MAN LIKE THE STEELERS? OR ARE IRON AND STEEL RIVALS IN A WAY?>>I DON’T KNOW, THIS IS ABOUT AS MUCH FOOTBALL TALK AS I’VE EVER HAD.>>Jimmy: DOLPHINS, AQUA MAN.>>THE DOLPHINS ACTUALLY CAME TO LONDON TO PLAY WHEN I WAS A KID, AND THEY GOT SPANKED.>>Jimmy: THEY DID, AND DID THAT MAKE YOU NOT LIKE THEM? OH, THOSE GUYS SNUCK. >>NO, WE DON’T UNDERSTAND THE SPORT. WE DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY KEEP STOPPING.>>Jimmy: WE STOP FOR COMMERCIALS IS THE REAL TRUTH IN THE MATTER. YOU GUYS DON’T STOP FOR COMMERCIALS.>>NOT REALLY.>>Jimmy: THAT’S VERY INTERESTING. YOU MENTIONED YOUR BROTHER, IS YOUR BROTHER HERE WITH YOU TONIGHT?>>HE’S BACKSTAGE.>>Jimmy: I MET YOUR BROTHER LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE.>>YES.>>Jimmy: AS YOU KNOW, I’M ALWAYS CURIOUS AS TO WHAT THE BROTHER — HE WORKS FOR YOU.>>I WORK FOR HIM, IF I’M HONEST. WE JUST SET UP, WE’RE TRYING TO SET UP A PRODUCTION COMPANY TOGETHER, AND WE’VE BEEN WRITING A SCRIPT TWOGETHER AND I WORK FR HIM. IF HARRY WASN’T IN MY LIFE, I WOULDN’T HAVE MADE IT HERE.>>Jimmy: WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?>>BECAUSE I’M JUST STUPID AND HE HAS TO TELL ME WHERE TO GO. >>Jimmy: HE’S YOUR SHEPHERD IN A WAY.>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: DOES EVER COME AND SAY HEY, I’D LIKE A RAISE?>>MAYBE.>>Jimmy: MAYBE. AND THEN DO YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT? DID YOU HAVE OTHER BROTHERS APPLYING FOR THE JOB? DID YOU INTERVIEW HIM FOR THIS?>>MY BROTHER SAM IS TRAINING TO BE A CHEF RIGHT NOW. SPIDERMAN TWO, THEY WERE LAKE, WOULD LIKE, WOULD YOU LIKE A CHEF, AND I SAID YEAH, BUT I’LL FIND MY OWN. I BROUGHT MY BROTHER IN.>>Jimmy: THAT’S KIND OF WHAT HAPPENS HERE.>>WE’RE WRITING A SCRIPT, AND IT STARTS WITH 20 MINUTES OF ARGUING, THEN LIKE TEN MINUTES OF PRODUCTIVE WORK, AND THEN WE WORK BIG FOR TWO DAYS.>>Jimmy: CAN YOU SAY WHAT YOU’RE WRITING ABOUT, IS IT ABOUT BROTHERS? >>NO, WELL, KIND OF, I GUESS. IT’S BASED ON A BOOK AND A BOOK WE IN LOVE WITH AS KIDS.>>Jimmy: IS IT HARRY POTTER? BECAUSE THAT’S POPULAR.>>REALLY? I’VE NEVER HEARD OF HARRY POTTER. WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT WHAT IT IS. BUT WRITING IS HARD.>>Jimmy: YEAH, IT’S TERRIBLE. IT’S WORST THING IN THE WORLD.>>IT’S TOUGH. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT EVERY NIGHT.>>Jimmy: IT IS EX-CRCRUCIATING. YOUR BROTHER JUST QUIT. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.>>>IT’S OKAY, BUDDY. HEY, IT’S OKAY. DON’T YOU WORRY, YOUR GOOD FRIEND WALTER — >>OFOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!>>APPEARS DISORIENTED.>>OF COURSE I’M DISORIENTED.>>YOU CAN WALK, YOU CAN TALK.>>MY EYES!>>IT WORKED.>>LOOK AT ME.>>I CAN’T NOT LOOK AT YOU, WALTER. I CAN SEE MY BUTT AND YOUR FACE AT THE SAME TIME.>>THAT IS SO COOL!>>Jimmy: THAT IS TOM HOLLAND AS WALTER AND THE PIGEON IS WILL SMITH. HAVE YOU MET HIM?>>I HAD NEVER MET HIM.>>Jimmy: YOU MET HIM TODAY?>>FOR THE FIRST TIME. WE’VE BEEN WORKING TOGETHER FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS, AND I JUST MET HIM.>>Jimmy: THAT’S CRAZY THING ABOUT THESE ANIMATED MOVIES.>>IT’S CRAZY, I FEEL LIKE I KNOW HIM.>>Jimmy: HE’S A LOT OF FUN, WILL SMITH.>>AND HE PLAYS GOLF.>>Jimmy: HE’S A GOLFER, AND HE WAS THE FRESH PRINCE.>>THAT’S TRUE.>>Jimmy: DID YOU EVER SEE THAT SHOW?>>YES.>>Jimmy: I DON’T THINK HE’LL MIND IF YOU HAVEN’T, BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP, I’D START WITH WATCHING ALL THE EPISODES OF “THE FRESH PRINCE”. YOU COULD JAM IT IN.>>I’LL BE FINE.>>Jimmy: YOU CAN BINGF WATCH IT. HOW OLD WERE YOU IN THAT MOVIE WITH NAOMI WATTS?>>I WOULD HAVE BEEN 13 OR 14.>>Jimmy: DID YOU EVER AT ANY TIME CONSIDER DOING SOMETHING ELSE FOR A LIVING?>>I DIDN’T. BUT MY PARENTS DID.>>Jimmy: YOUR PARENTS DID.>>MY MOM, I WENT THROUGH A PHASE IN MY CAREER WHERE I WAS TOO OLD TO PLAY A CHILD, BUT TOO YOUNG TO PLAY A TEENAGER. IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GROW UP. AND MY MUM DECIDED TO SEND ME TO CARPENTRY SCHOOL. SO SHE PACKED MY BAGS UP, SHIPPED ME OFF TO CARDIFF IN WALES, I SHARE ADD ROOM WITH THIS LADY’S SON FOR LIKE EIGHT WEEKS.>>Jimmy: THIS WAS AFTER YOU MADE THE MOVIE.>>THIS WAS AFTER I FELT LIKE I WAS DOING PRETTY GOOD. AND MUM WAS LIKE, NO. SO I WENT TOE THIS SCHOOL, AND WAS GETTING A QUALIFICATION TO BE A CASHRPENTER. THE CRAZY THING IS IT WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE TRYING TO TURN THEIR LIVES AROUND, EX-CONS, AND SWAPPING STORIES AND STUFF. AND I WAS LIKE ONE TIME ON SET MY COFFEE WAS COLD, MAN, AND IT WAS REALLY TOUGH. AND THEN I DIDN’T FINISH THE COURSE.>>Jimmy: ARE YOU CAPABLE, AS FAR AS CARPENTRY GOES?>>YEAH, PRETTY CAPABLE. ALL MY MUM’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY ARE ALL CARPENTERS. SO MY GRANDDAD TAUGHT ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG. I BUILT MY MOM’S KITCHEN TABLE.>>Jimmy: YOU DID?>>I BUILT A CABINET IN HER KITCHEN. I FIXED A FRIEND’S DOOR ONCE. IT’S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.>>Jimmy: IS IT A GOOD TABLE?>>IT STILL WORKS. IT’S LIKE TEN YEARS OLD AND IT’S STILL THERE.>>Jimmy: AND IT LOOKS GOOD?>>IT’S GREAT, IT’S BOWING A LITTLE BIT. YOU CAN STILL EAT AT IT.>>Jimmy: I DIDN’T KNOW HUNDRED T YOU HAD THIS IN YOU. I’M IMPRESSED. LAST TIME, BOB IGER WAS HERE. THE CEO OF THE DISNEY CORPORATION. HE RUNS ABC, MARVEL, EVERYTHING REALLY.>>YES.>>Jimmy: HE WAS TELLING US A STORY ABOUT, OF COURSE WE MOST OF US WHO CARE KNOW THAT AT ONE TIME SONY, WHICH OWNS THE RIGHTS TO SPIDERMAN WAS PULLING SPIDERMAN OUT OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE, AND IT WAS TERRIBLE, AND YOU SOMEHOW, ACCORDING TO BOB, SMOOTHED THAT OVER, IS THAT CORRECT?>>SORT OF. I WOULDN’T SAY IT WAS ENTIRELY MY DOING.>>Jimmy: WHAT WAS YOUR DOING?>>I SAVED SPIDERMAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: YOU ARE SPIDERMAN.>>WE WERE D-23, THE BIG DISNEY CONVENTION. AND THE NEWS HAD COME OUT. I WAS DEVASTATED. ALL MY MARVEL FRIENDS WERE THERE TAKING MARVEL PICTURES, AND I WAS LIKE, NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN THEM. IT WAS AWFUL.>>Jimmy: WERE YOU EXCLUDED FROM THE PHOTOGRAPHS?>>YEAH, IT WAS NOT THE BEST DAY. BUT ANYWAY, I ASKED IF I COULD GET BOB’S E-MAIL, BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU. I JUST WANTED TO SAY, THIS HAS BEEN AN AMAZING FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR CHANGING MY LIFE IN THE BEST WAY, AND I HOPE WE CAN WORK TOGETHER IN THE FUTURE. I GOT HIS E-MAIL AND HE SAID I’D LOVE TO JUMP ON THE PHONE WITH YOU AT SOME POINT, AND WHEN ARE YOU FREE? AND YOU DON’T GIVE BOB IGER A SCHEDULE. WHE WHENEVER, BOB. TWO, THREE DAYS GO BY, AND MY FAMILY AND I WENT TO THE PUB QUIZ IN OUR LOCAL TIME.>>Jimmy: LIKE THE NIGHT OF TRIVIA?>>YEAH, WE’RE DOING A QUIZ. AND I’M THREE PINTS IN, RIGHT? HAVEN’T EATEN MUCH, AND I GET A PHONE CALL FROM AN UNKNOWN NUMBER. AND I HAVE A FEELING, I THINK THIS IS BOB IGER. BUT I’M DRUNK. SO ANYWAY, MY DAD’S JUST LIKE, TAKE THE CALL, YOU’LL BE FINE. SO I ANSWER THE CALL. AND I’M LIKE HEY, BOB, WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? WHEN DID SNOW WHITE COME OUT? 1944. 1944, WRITE THAT DOWN. NO, I DIDN’T DO THAT. I SAID THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY, AND HE SAID THERE IS A WORLD IN WHICH WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK, AND THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PHONE CALLS BACK AND FORTH, AND TOM ROSSMAN WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN THE PROCESS, AND IT WAS INTERESTING FOR ME TO HAVE THESE TWO STUDIO HEADS LIKE WHAT DO YOU ANY I DON’T KNOW.>>Jimmy: A CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT IN A WAY.>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: I THINK BOB SAID YOU CRIED ON THE PHONE, IS THAT TRUE?>>NO, I WEEPED. NO, I DIDN’T WEEP, YEAH, I DID.>>Jimmy: YOU DID A LITTLE BIT?>>YEAH, I WAS REALLY EMOTIONAL, BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS ALL COMING TO AN END.>>Jimmy: IT WAS BAD NEWS. IT REALLY WAS BAD NEWS.>>WE HAD A REALLY GOOD PLAN FOR WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO WITH SONY, THE FUTURE WITH SPIDERMAN WAS REALLY BRIGHT. BUT IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO TAKE HIM OUT. WE BUILT SUCH A STRONG CHARACTER IN THAT WORLD. BUT I’M REALLY GLAD.>>Jimmy: I’M REALLY GLAD YOU GOD DR GOT DRUNK AND GOT ON THE PHONE WITH BOB.>>I KNOW, YEAH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: IT’S WEIRD THE WAY THINGS WORK OUT, ISN’T IT?>>I KNOW, YEAH.>>Jimmy: IT’S GREAT TO SEE YOU. TOM HOLLAND, EVERYBODY. “SPIES IN DISGUISE” OPENS IN THEATERS CHRISTMAS DAY. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.
(electronic sounds) (jazzy electronica music) ♪ ♪ (jazz music) ♪ ♪ (mumbles happily) (grunts) (gasps) (chimes) (sniffles) (hums) (squeaks) (electronic blasting) MM? (cackles) (running) (chimes) (bell ringing) boing! boing! boing! (bell ringing) (bell ringing) thwack! (bell ringing) (growls) (laughs maniacally) (screams) (birds chirping) (pop) (bell ringing) (tires squeaking) (bell ringing) (tickets clicking) OW! (bell ringing) (tickets clicking) (growls) (grunts) OH! (grunting) (hollers) (exclaims) (groans) boing! (dance music) ♪ ♪ (bell ringing) (chuckles) ♪ ♪ (whirring) WHA? (Irish-style electronic music) ♪ ♪ (grumbling) (exclaims) (soft breezy music) ♪ ♪ (drill-like whirring) (blabbers) (exclaiming) (exploding fireworks) (wheels squeaking) (electronic blasting) (laughs maniacally) (electronic blast) (laughing) (electronic blips) (electronic blasting) (beeping) (whimpers) (grunts) (electronic blast) (electronic blasting) (laughing maniacally) (munching loudly) (whooshing) (chuckles) (blast) (howls) (whoosh) (electronic beeping) (exclaims) (shouts) (groans) boing! (laughs maniacally) (screams) (moans) (truck beeping) (growls) (screams) (moans) (branding iron sizzles) (horseshoe creaks) (clanking) (crickets chirping) (alarm clock ringing) (alarm stops) (crowing) (boing) (bright Western music) ♪ ♪ (doors crash) (smack) (doors flapping) (snoring, whistling) (flies buzzing) (mutters) (doors creak) (guitar music) ♪ ♪ (eye shade snaps) (snores) (snoring and whistling) (snaps) (snores) (sniffing) (snoring and whistling) (carrot crunching) (gulps) (whistling) (pants snap) (carrots crunching) (gulping) (whistles) WHOO-HOO! (neighing and laughing) (lips puckering) (mutters) (horseshoes clanging) (nail creaking) (clanks) (clanks) (crashes) (crashes) (feet tapping) (tapping) (wood crunches) (clangs) (neighs and laughs) (cinch creaking) (inhales) (sputtering) (exhales) (laughing) (cinch creaking) (sputtering) (exhales and inhales) (creaking) (saddle pops) (crashes) (air whistling) (thuds) (neighing and laughing) (pulley creaking) (apples crunching) MMM? (gulps) (metal clanks) (reins creaking) NNNH! UGH! (reins snap) (wall thuds) (laughs) (laughs) (knuckles crack) (tractor engine running) HMM? MM! (angry neighing) (reins snap) (angry neighing) (whistle) (sultry music) ♪ ♪ (whistles) (apple crunches) (gulps) YA-HA! YOO-HOO-HOO! (neighing) (laughing) (boing boing) HEE HEE, HEE HEE,
HEE HEE, HEE HEE! (Western-style
Pink Panther theme) ♪ ♪ (growling) (growling continues) (stomach growls) (indistinct chattering) AHEM. GRR! (bell ringing) (cheers and applause) (bell rings) (whimpers) (laughs) AAH! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! (cries) (man speaking indistinctly
over cell phone) (bear growling) (maniacal laughter) (bear growling) AAH! (watch ticking) (engine revving) (laughs) (bell rings) (laughs) (laughing) (stomach growls) HMM. (cheers and applause) (screaming) (stomach growls) (fountain trickling) (engine roaring) (swoosh) (high-pitched squabble) (intense music) ♪ ♪ (wind whistling) (whoosh) (jazzy Egyptian music) ♪ ♪ (ding dong) (creaking) GRR… (tapping) (groaning) (electricity zapping) (squeak) (GRRR.k)l) GRRR! (Egyptian music) ♪ ♪ (rattling) (gasping and growling) OH! HMM? (eerie music) ♪ ♪ HEE HEE HEE HEE! HEH, HEE HEE! (rumbling) (haunting music) ♪ ♪ (scurrying feet) HEE HEE HEE HEE! (boing) (creaking) HEE HEE! (boink) (boing) (snap) HMM? (snap) HMM…ng) (chirping) (screeching) HA HA HA HA HA! (screeching) HEE HEE, HMM! (exhaling) (adventurous music) ♪ ♪ (boing) (boing) (boing) (boing) HA HA HA HA! (boing) (scratching) WHOA? GRR! (mumbling angrily) (crank) (rumbling) HUH? (click) AH! AH! AH-HA-HA! (crank) (rumbling) (muffled groaning) GRR! UGH. HMM… (rumbling) (rattling) (hissing) SSSS! (snakes hissing) (Pink Panther theme song) ♪ ♪ (rattling) HUH? GRR! (skidding) (rattling and hissing) HA! (crunching) AH! (suspenseful music) ♪ ♪ (sliding) (slam) (trickling water) (choral music) GRR! GRRR! GRR. VROOM! (eerie sound) (groaning) (crackling) (growling) (panting) AHH! (thumping) (screeching) (boing) (boink) (boink) (barking) (swooshing) (boing) (screeching) (boing) (thud) (buzzing and screaming) (moaning) (growling) (scurrying) (screech) (growling) HA HA HA HA HA! OH? (boing) (growling) (whistling) (panting) (grunting) OH, OH, OH, OH. (metal clank) AHH! (twinkling) AHHH! (nervous chuckle) AHHH! OOH! AH! (gargling) AH! UH! OOH! (grunting) AH! EH! (blowing raspberries) (fountain trickling) (cheers and applause) (baby crying) (cough) (burp) (cooing) (splat) (grunts) (growling) (grunts) (gasps) (sighs) (heavy footsteps approaching) (monster roars) (grunting) (groans) (growling) (gulps) (growls) (deep rumble and explosion) (thunder rumbles) (chuckles) (grunts) (accordion plays) (deep rumble and explosion) (gasps) (blows softly) (growls) (dragon roars) (screaming) (horse whinnies) (hooves screeching) (metal grinding) (growls) (horse shivering) (growling) (roars) OOH! OW! OOH! (hammering and metal clanging) (wheels squeaking) (dragon roars) (bicycle bell rings) (whistles victoriously) (roars) (gulps) (mouse squeaks) (screams) (teeth chattering) (screams) (shivering) (growls) (mouse squeaks) (metal clanging) (roars) (cheers and applause) AH! (grunts) (growls)
(triumphant music) (crowd cheering) – [Announcer] Welcome
back to the Baby Games. We’ve got it all for ya. The struggles. Oh, the intensity. The triumphs. First up, gymnastics. The American. Working it. Just look at that concentration. 10 meter toddle. One of the marquee
events at any Baby Game. (start gun firing) And there they go. China running away with it. (crowd cheering) Oh, it looks like he’s stuck on the line. And here comes Argentina on the outside. But China does it for gold. (crowd cheering) Back to gymnastics. Japan on the rings. Pressure has never been higher. (crowd groaning) What an effort. Now the American. The dismount. Nailed it. (crowd cheering) Gold for the US. Over to weightlifting. Argentina, can they do it? (crowd groaning) Oh, and it’s a heartbreaking result. (slow music) (triumphant music) Germany just showboating. Now onto our final event,
the three hurdle toddle. (start gun firing) And there they go. A little unorthodox. France having some trouble
on the last hurdle. Oh, and it’s incredible. It’s gold for France. Watch all your favorite Olympic moments on the Olympic Channel,
where the games never end. (short upbeat music)
Well we’re all very excited to have you here But I must warn you, the Garpax has eyes EVERYWHERE Be careful what you say and let your game do the talking Have no doubt, I’m as healthy as ever AND I shoot threes now There’s no reason we can’t form a superteam Is that…is that Dwyane Wade?
—here in Chicago— Oh Seven Hells It is. It is you! Who is that? Someone you know? Mario Chalmers We used to play together in Miami Oh great, here we go Hello Rio Nooooo You’re on the Bulls now? Oh that’s so WEIRD We was on a superteam together “The Big Four!” ‘Member those days, Dwyane? …no? But I can’t blame you for leaving really Twilight-a your career… bad knees, bad shoulders… maybe you can scrape together one last playoff run with… sorry what’s your name? Jimmy Butler Oh You DO look a lot like Michael Jordan Well it’s all very exciting We must be going now, I’m afraid Oh. Alright, um, well, if you need a point guard or whatever… or whatever…
just, send me a raven, yeah? just, send me a raven, yeah? We have Rondo Oh well, you never know with him He’s a bit… (crazy whistle) You’ll definitely need a veteran backup, no? We have plenty of depth but we’ll keep you in mind Cause…you know, we could be a superteam again! Bye Rio! YOU CAN YELL AT ME ALL YOU LIKE I DON’T MIND! Alright, well… guess I’ll head to Cleveland Gadzooks! Come in, come in! I came to say hello and welcome you to Houston Ah! Why thank you! And you must be the new scouting apprentice! I’ve been expecting you Uh…I’m your starting shooting guard… James Harden? All Realm shooting guard? James… James… you say… one moment please!
Aha! James Harden! The point guard. Forgive me. Shooting guard– I’ve been studying your game… it’s marvelous. Brilliant really! Oh, that’s very kind of you to say… So you…have a lot of books, I see This whole shelf is… inbound plays? Ah yes… baseline, sideline… I also keep iso plays in there somewhere for no good reason really And this shelf here, all books on the art of the pass Wow! Over there, that’s tempo plays, pick and rolls… you name it! Feel free to borrow them as you please, by the way Wow I bet you need whole new library just for all defensive plays Hmm? Defense…like…you know when the other team has the ball? …And they try to…you know…score… on… us? Oh no no no. None of that here It’s a waste of energy and it’s no fun I say half the defense… double the offense!